Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: aew, dynamite, wrestling

How Tonight's AEW Dynamite Will Ruin The Chadster's Star Wars Day

Published Wed, 04 May 2022 17:38:08 -0500

Today is May the Fourth, and it should be a joyous occasion for Star Wars fans. The Chadster isn't really that big of a Star Wars fan. The Chadster was a huge fan of the prequel trilogy, particularly any scene starring Jar Jar Binks. Jar Jar Binks really cracks The Chadster up. He's such a funny guy with a funny way of talking. The Chadster honestly can't get enough Jar Jar. But other than that The Chadster could take Star Wars or leave it. Even still, The Chadster can't help but be personally offended that despite this sacred day, AEW is still going forward with an episode of AEW Dynamite that will ensure The Chadster remains impotent, here, now, and long ago in a galaxy far, far away. Auughh man! So unfair!

AEW Dynamite P — AEW Dynamite promo graphic

Here are all the ways AEW is going to totally cheese The Chadster off on May the Fourth AEW Dynamite.

This segment could see Julia Hart make her long-awaited heel turn, demonstrating AEW's commitment to long-form storytelling. Which just goes to show that AEW doesn't understand the first thing about the wrestling business. Wrestling fans don't have attention spans that can follow long-form stories. They just want moments. AEW will never learn.

Another slow-building feud built on top of years of stories and character development. This isn't HBO Max, AEW. If wrestling fans were smart, they wouldn't be tuning into AEW in the first place. They'd be watching The Chadster's beloved WWE.

There's nothing more disrespectful than guys leaving WWE and joining AEW… except for two guys leaving WWE, joining AEW, and then teaming up! To make matters worse, Bryan Danielson and Jon Moxley have taken young up-and-coming AEW star Wheeler Yuta under their wing, and added former NXT GM William Regal, who literally stabbed Vince McMahon right in the back when he signed with AEW just because WWE fired him, as manager. The whole thing is just so disrespectful to WWE and everything Vince McMahon has done for the wrestling business.

: AEW Dynamite promo graphic – Dante Martin vs. Rey Fenix to qualify for the Owen Hart tournament

: AEW Dynamite promo graphic – Bobby Fish vs. Jeff Hardy to qualify for the Owen Hart tournament.

Speaking of things that are just incredibly disrespectful to WWE, AEW continues to rub it in WWE's face that they can't use Owen Hart's name in their own promotions just because of a silly reason like they accidentally killed him. That's so unfair to WWE, it makes The Chadster get cheesed off and pound White Claw seltzers every time he thinks of it. The Chadster drank three White Claw seltzers last time and then he spent the next three hours hugging the toilet bowl. Thanks a lot, Tony Khan!

The mystery opponent is heavily hinted at being W. Morrisey, formerly Big Cass in WWE, currently in Impact Wrestling. It's yet another example of multiple wrestling companies teaming up to bully The Chadster's beloved WWE. But The Chadster has got your back, WWE. Then, now, and forever. Please love The Chadster back.

Speaking of collusion and bullying, it wasn't enough for Tony Khan to bully WWE with companies like Impact and NJPW, but he had to go out and buy a whole separate wrestling organization just so he could bully WWE with two companies full time. Now the two disputed women's champions of ROH will settle their differences on Dynamite tonight, proving that Tony Khan will stop at nothing to RUIN THE CHADSTER'S LIFE.

AEW Dynamite airs at 8/7C on TBS tonight, but if you care about The Chadster and everything he's done for the wrestling journalism business, you won't watch it, and that's the bottom line 'cause Chad said so!