Jersey Shore: Family Vacation Season 5 Episode 3: Lie or Consequences

Nobody likes a liar, and people react in different ways to someone telling lies about them. For example, when someone tells lies about me, like "oh, El Presidente rigged the election so that there was no chance he could lose," or "if El Presidente believes in socialism so much, why does he live in a lavish palace with a harem of beautiful women?" or "my family members were rounded up in the middle of the night and shipped to a work camp in the jungle for daring to speak out publicly against El Presidente's policies," I take it very personally and send my secret police to the homes of the liars to educate them on why it isn't nice to spread falsehoods. How does MTV's Jersey Shore star Vinny Guadagnino deal with liars? That's what this episode of Jersey Shore: Family Vacation is all about!

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, here to report on what even I must admit is the rapidly dwindling entertainment value of the once might Jersey Shore. The latest episode, Jersey Shore: Family Vacation Season 5 Episode 3 is titled "Hollywood Shore" and focuses on Vinny selling his house in L.A. to move back to the East Coast so he can be with his mommy. But the main drama in the episode surrounds Angelina's choice to spread lies about Vinny to distract from her own disintegrating personal life.

Jersey Shore: Family Vacation
Jersey Shore: Family Vacation screencap

At the group brunch organized by Pauly D last episode, and continuing this week, Angelina grows tired of the roommates mocking her troubled marriage and referencing the videos of her visiting a "side piece" in Old Bridge, New Jersey that stirred up so much drama last season. To get the pressure off herself, Angelina claims to have heard that Vinny "got a girl pregnant." Loyal as ever, Pauly immediately face-timed Vinny, and Angelina's quasi-estranged Husband, Chris, doubled down on the made-up rumor. Vinny wasn't pleased. Haw haw haw haw!

Soon after, Deena, sensing that Vinny must be feeling homesick in L.A. because he has been posting more frequently in the roomies' group chat, organizes a visit to his house with Angelina and J-Woww. When Deena and Angelina arrive, however, and as Jenni waits for a delayed flight, they learn that Vinny has already sold his house and will return to Staten Island the following day.

To make it up to Deena for flying across the country for no reason, Vinny brings her and Angelina to dinner in the lobby of the hotel he's staying at. There, he confronts Angelina about the rumor as Angelina continues to insist it's something she just heard and is passing along, even though she admitted to making it up in a confessional earlier in the episode. Vinny tells Angelina that they can no longer be close friends if she tells lies about him on camera, as it means he can't trust her. Angelina responds by attempting to wrestle Vinny, but he won't relent.

That's basically the entire plot of the episode, which dragged in parts due to a lack of any other drama. It's a problem that has been plaguing Jersey Shore: Family Vacation and similar reality shows since the start of the COVID-19 pandemic. Without "normies" for the cast to interact with, the show is left to resort to obviously staged storylines to get through. The problem is compounded by how savvy most of the cast has grown to have their personal lives aired out on television, which is why J-Woww and Snooki are basically supporting characters on the show now. With Ronnie on hiatus, that leaves Angelina to carry the show as its sole hot mess, and while she does an admirable job, comrades, she's only human and can't save the show on her own.

The truth is that the pandemic has only accelerated the decline of Jersey Shore: Family Vacation, and if something doesn't change soon, it will be hard to justify another season of this. I'll give it until the end of the season, comrades, but if people don't start acting the fool more often for my entertainment, I may need to move on to another show! Until next time, amigos: socialism or death!

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El PresidenteAbout El Presidente

After a successful fourteen-year career as a South American dictator, El Presidente faked his own death in 2013 in order to pursue his two true passions: rigging American elections for Joe Biden, and wrestling dirt sheet reporting. Since opportunities to rig the election for Joe Biden were few and far between until recently, El Presidente mostly focused on the wrestling dirt sheet reporting, where he became one of the best in the business. Unfortunately, the American CIA sabotaged his 1-900 hotline, the pinnacle of his country's wrestling news technology, and imperialist hacks like Meltzer, Johnson, Sapp, and Satin took all the credit on their stupid websites. Finally, El Presidente has found a way to break into the American market by becoming a Bleeding Cool contributor, so get ready for the spread of great wrestling news and socialism, comrades!
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