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Smackdown Recap: Or, "Oh Crap, There's a PPV in 2 Days"

Are you ready for a good time? Then why the hell are you reading about WWE Smackdown? Welcome, folks, to Bleeding Cool's belligerent WWE Smackdown recap. It's the Elimination Chamber go-home show, and there are like three and a half matches booked for the PPV in two days. Buckle in for this trainwreck, folks.

Smackdown Recap – February 19th, 2021

Edge comes out and cuts the obligatory Smackdown opening promo. He yammers on and on about choosing his WrestleMania opponent. Then Roman Reigns interrupts, or, more accurately, Roman Reigns comes out with his posse, stands at the top of the stage for five minutes while his music plays, soaking in the boos of the fake crowd, and then slowly makes his way down to the ring and eventually, after about ten minutes have passed, interrupts.

They argue over which one of them needs the other one more and who's playing who. Sami Zayn interrupts that and complains that nobody has considered that he wins the Elimination Chamber and beats Roman Reigns. He makes a big deal about having his documentary crew film him pointing at the WrestleMania sign, and Jey Uso superkicks him so hard, one of Zayn's shoes flies off.

Reigns whispers something in Edge's ear, and then he and his crew leave the ring.

Big E starts his own entrance as Smackdown takes a commercial break.

Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Apollo Crews

Big E has set up a couch, mini-fridge, lamp, and foot massager next to the commentary table, and he is sitting down and eating what appears to be a Hungry Man meatloaf meal, or maybe Salisbury steak. It's got mashed potatoes, green beans, and a brownie. Big E mixes all of it, including the brownie, in with the steak, and I want to throw something at my television.

Nakamura comes out. Crews cuts a promo complaining about Big E not treating him with respect and claiming his ancestors are Nigerian royalty, and they would have cut out Big E's tongue for the things he said to Apollo. He and Nakamura have a match. Nakamura wins.

Winner: Nakamura

Crews attacks Nakamura after the match. Big E interrupts and tells Crews to knock it off. Then when he turns around to help Nakamura, Crews hits him with the steel stairs. He assaults him some more and then makes a big deal out of dropping the steps over the ropes onto Big E on the floor, but with Big E out of camera. I'm not sure what that gained over a traditional stairs shot other than making it obvious the stairs didn't really fall on Big E.

Commercials.

Big E is carried out on a stretcher as Seth Rollins heads to the ring. Rollins says it's a tragedy that Big E was betrayed by his friend, and Seth knows what that kind of betrayal is like. He rolls footage of everyone walking out of his speech last week set to dramatic music.

Rollins claims to be traumatized. He has a letter drafted by his lawyers, filing a former complaint. Rollins says legal action is pending. He says he planned his big return for months, and "it was RUINED! It was RUINED! Not by my friends, but by a bunch of losers. A bunch of losers and a bunch of cowards, and they ruined it because they're afraid." Rollins claims he has millions of followers, and I'm starting to think he's doing a Trump gimmick. He says all his detractors are losers and the biggest loser is Cesaro. He threatens violence against anyone who doesn't embrace the vision and urges his followers to storm the Capitol.

Edge talks with Kevin Owens backstage. They compliment each other. Rollins cuts a promo to Edge about beating Roman Reigns.

Big E is loaded into an ambulance as Smackdown takes another commercial break.

Riott Squad vs. Natalya and Tamina

The Riott Squad fight Natalya and Tamina in a tag team match. Billie Kay comes out wearing a Tamina t-shirt and a pair of pink cat ears to impress Natalya. The fact that Billie thinks all she needs to do to gain Natalya's favor is to dress like a cat is my favorite thing about Smackdown tonight. Tamina pins Ruby Riott, by the way.

Winners: Natalya and Tamina

Billie jumps in the ring to celebrate with the winners but gets kicked in the face by Tamina instead.

Some crap about NASCAR.

Baron Corbin and Edge chat backstage. Corbin claims to be wearing a $10,000 suit and a $39,000 watch and says Edge should bow down to him. Edge shows Corbin his timepiece: a cell phone. Corbin walks off in disgust.

The set of Ding Dong, Hello! is being assembled as Smackdown takes another commercial break, so the best part of Smackdown is happening next.

Ding Dong, Hello!

Bayley hosts the second episode of Ding Dong, Hello!, the greatest talk show in WWE history. Nia Jax and Shayna Baszler are the guests. They hope Bayley isn't mad they won the tag team titles from her last year, but Bayley says she doesn't care because she may get Ellen's job as a talk show host. Jax and Baszler say Bayley is much better off without Sasha. They talk trash about Sasha and also Bianca Belair. Reginald comes out to goad Sasha into teaming with Belair to face Jax and Baszler tonight under the guise of defending Sasha's honor.

Sasha takes the bait. She comes down and talks some trash. Then Bianca Belair comes out. She and Sasha start to butt heads, but Reginald offers to team with Sasha and Bianca to take on Jax, Baszler, and Bayley. Well, that's happening then.

Commercials.

Sasha Banks, Bianca Belair, and Reginald vs. Nia Jax, Shayna Baszler, and Bayley

They have the match, which builds to Nia and Reginald facing off in the ring. Nia is pissed because Reginald called her "boxed wine" earlier while defending Sasha. Nia treats him like Kairi Sane and manhandles him. But Reginald escapes a leg drop, and Nia lands right on her hole. Banks and Belair keep Baszler and Bayley occupied, and Reginald goes for a crossbody… but Jax catches him. But then Banks and Belair are in, and they double-dropkick Reginald, sending him on top of Jax for the three-count.

Winners: Sasha Banks, Bianca Belair, and Reginald

Sleeper match of the night right there.

Cesaro cuts a promo on Seth Rollins. He shits on Rollins for not updating his gimmick while he was off on paternity leave. Then he says he'll win the Elimination Chamber. Edge walks up and chats with Cesaro. Cesaro says he'll see him in the main event of WrestleMania. Come on… they're not really gonna give Cesaro a push, are they? It's not that I don't want them to. I just don't want to get my hopes up for nothing.

Rey and Dominik Mysterio vs. Otis and Shorty G

Rey and Dominik Mysterio take on Otis and Shorty G in a tag team match, while Dolph Ziggler and Bobby Roode join commentary. The match is ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ wha huh oh sorry, Dolph Ziggler was talking, so I fell into a deep sleep. Otis does a heel turn, beating up Rey Mysterio and not stopping at a rope break, so the ref disqualifies them.

Winners: Otis and Shorty G

Oris continues to punish Mysterio after the match and hits a big belly splash on him. Shorty G is elated.

Edge talks to Daniel Bryan. He tells him that Bryan's fight to get his career back inspired Edge to do the same. Bryan has a suggestion for Edge: if he wins the Elimination Chamber match, Edge can choose him for the WrestleMania main event. Edge admits that could be a dream match.

Commercials.

Rey Mysterio is helped backstage by his boy, selling this like Hogan after King Kong Bundy attacked him on Saturday Night's Main Event.

Kevin Owens walks up to Daniel Bryan and Cesaro to talk strategy for their match tonight. Bryan and Cesaro make fun of all the times Owens has turned on his friends, naming several times and one "big name" they're forgetting. "We should have made a list," Bryan says. Owens says they don't have to worry about a stunner tonight because he really wants to win this match. But at the Elimination Chamber, it's another story.

Reinald brings Carmella a glass of wine. She asks him what took him so long. He says he was prepping the wine. Carmella says she knows he was just in a match. He tries to explain, but Carmella says she understands and knows he'll do the right thing. She threatens him in case he doesn't. Then she tastes the wine, calls it disgusting, and throws it in his face.

Daniel Bryan, Cesaro, and Kevin Owens vs. Baron Corbin, Sami Zayn, and Jey Uso

Edge joins commentary for this six-man tag featuring the people who are fighting on the PPV on Sunday. Paul Heyman also joins halfway through. This match eats up a lot of time that could have been better spent, maybe setting up some more matches for the PPV rather than giving us a free version of the match we're supposed to want to pay to watch. Bryan makes Zayn tap out.

Winners: Bryan, Cesaro, and Owens

After the match, everyone takes turns hitting their finishers on each other, including Edge and then Roman Reigns, who stands tall over Edge.

So did Smackdown tonight actually do anything to book more matches for the PPV? Maybe Big E vs. Apollo Crews? Maybe something with Jax and Baszler vs. Banks and Belair? But it's a little last minute to be doing a slow build. Ah well, I guess they'll figure it out by Sunday. It's not my problem.

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