Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: wrestling, wwe

WWE Hires New SVP of Creative Writing to Blame for Why Raw Sucks

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from underneath the desk of Georgia Secretary of State Brad Raffensberger. That's right! It was I who recorded the conversation and leaked it to my comrades at the Washington Post, just part of my ongoing plans to steal the election for Joe Biden. But I'm actually here to talk about the latest wrestling news, which is that WWE has hired Christine Lubrano as the new Senior Vice President, Creative Writing Operations.

My friends, the last time WWE's creative direction sucked and ratings were in the gutter, that was totally all Paul Heyman's fault. Before that it was… well, it was our own fault because we were the authority. Prior to that, it was Baron Corbin's fault. But now that Raw's creative direction continues to blow and the ratings continue to decline, who's fault is it now?

As the former leader of a South American dictatorship, I like to think I know a little something about a situation like this. Certainly, Vince McMahon cannot admit the bad ratings are his fault. That's no way for a leader to act. You need a scapegoat to blame at the next parliament or shareholders meeting. Normally that would be Brother Love, but Brother Love is too good an asskissing lackey to waste on something like this. So you have to hire from outside. Haw haw haw haw!

"WWE is excited to welcome our new Senior Vice President, Creative Writing Operations, Christine Lubrano!" the company tweeted Monday, adding the hashtags, "#WhereChampionsWork #Welcome."

Lubrano is an Emmy-nominated producer and former longtime IFC exec who most recently held the role of Senior Vice President, Original Programming. All of that is impressive, but it doesn't matter how good you are at getting writers to produce content when a 75-year-old billionaire capitalist dog is just going to tear up the script and rewrite the show himself hours before it airs live anyway. Let's face it. It doesn't matter who WWE hires to head up creative operations. As long as Vince McMahon is in charge, WWE is going to continue to produce the same bland product they've been rehashing for decades now.

Of course, I could be wrong. Back when I was running the dictatorship, people were always asking me, "Your Excellency, how is it that you are never wrong?" But I know that I am not infallible. Maybe Christine Lubrano can successfully stage a coup and actually take control of Creative Writing Operations. Feel free to email El Presidente, Christine, if you need some advice on convincing the military to back your interests. Haw haw haw haw!

Until next time, my friends: socialism or death!

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