WWE Raw is normally three hours of your life you can never get back, and for what? A bunch of overly-long promos, "comedy" only Vince McMahon finds funny, and sometimes decent but always meaningless wrestling. But here at Bleeding Cool, management has decided that you shouldn't have to suffer through that — only I should. And so, here's as minimalist a recap of Raw as we're able to muster. Enjoy reclaiming all that time.
WWE Raw – April 26th, 2021
Braun Strowman and Drew McIntyre got into a pissing contest backstage to kick off Raw, so Strowman decided to fight Mace and T-Bar on his own in a handicap match, because you haven't truly buried someone until you've buried them without their mask on. But Strowman got his ass beat instead, winning by DQ because Mace and T-Bar beat him down so long in the corner.
McIntyre ran out to save Strowman and they fought Mace and T-Bar in the originally advertised tag team match. McIntyre and Strowman imploded, and Mace and T-Bar won by countout.
Drew McIntyre, or as he's known backstage, Scottish Karen, complained to Adam Pearce and demanded a match with Strowman tonight.
Miz, Morrison, Elias, and Jaxson Ryker gave a terrible performance of their Bad Bunny diss track. Damian Priest and The New Day brought a bass case full of tomatoes to the ring and pelted the band with them. This led to a six-man tag (with Ryker on the outside), which New Day and Priest won.
Sonya Deville brought Charlotte Flair, who is currently suspended, out to the ring with the referee she beat up, whose name is Eddie. Charlotte apologized to the ref. He accepted and said she would have won if Rhea hadn't interfered. Deville said that Charlotte paid her fine so she's reinstated and she'll be in action tonight, with Eddie as ref. Charlotte made Eddie apologize to her for not seeing Rhea Ripley interfere.
Pearce met Deville and Charlotte at Gorilla and complained about getting cucked.
Pearce tried to convince Braun Strowman to wrestle Drew McIntyre. Strowman said he'd do it if Pearce would add him to the title match at Backlash if he wins. He brought up Sonya cucking him in the last segment and Pearce went for it.
Sheamus cut a promo talking trash about Umberto Carillo so Carillo came out and kicked his ass.
Bobby Lashley and MVP, otherwise known as Hurt Business, otherwise known as Karens Inc., cut a long promo complaining about the title match at Backlash becoming a triple threat.
Randy Orton interrupted a Matt Riddle interview to tell Riddle he's earned Orton's respect. Orton suggested they try out their tag team, RKBro, tonight. Riddle suggested matching snakeskin speedos, but Orton wanted to take it slow.
Shayna Baszler warned Reginald not to distract her and Nia during their match tonight. A delivery person brings flowers to Nia, but they aren't from Reggie; they're from Angel Garza. Nia smacks Mandy Rose in the face with the flowers at a nearby makeup table.
MVP spoke with Braun Strowman backstage.
Orton and Riddle fought Hurt Business and got an easy win. Orton tried to hide it, but he's loving this.
Rhea Ripley, Nia Jax, and Shayna Baszler wrestled Asuka, Naomi, and Lana. Mandy Rose and Dana Brooke got involved, but Reginald helped Jax, Baszler, and Ripley pull off the win.
Sonya Deville reprimanded Mandy and Dana backstage for interfering. Mandy's punishment: burial by Charlotte Flair.
Alexa Bliss cut another Alexa's Playground promo with her doll. She said she's gonna start wrestling soon, but it wasn't clear if she meant herself or the doll.
Charlotte Flair faced off with Mandy Rose. Despite Eddie's incompetence as a ref, she still managed to pull off the victory.
Drew McIntyre fought Braun Strowman in the main event. MVP tried to get involved to help Drew McIntyre win, but Mace and T-Bar helped Braun Strowman get the win instead. Now, Strowman will join Lashley and McIntyre in a triple threat at Backlash.
Thoughts on WWE Raw
As usual, WWE Raw tonight was a mixed bag, with most of the bag filled with turds. Speaking of bags with turds in them, Randy Orton teaming with Riddle was a highlight tonight. The main event was fun, but not worth sitting through the previous three hours for. The Sonya Deville storyline finally blooming is great. Adam Pearce needed to be put in his place. I'm glad Alexa is seemingly finally going to wrestle next week because this angle (and the neutering of The Fiend) is pointless if she doesn't. And with Rhea Ripley firmly entrenched in the heel camp, one has to wonder what they're planning with Charlotte Flair.