Another week of pro wrestling comes to a close with WWE SmackDown, the show that's both two thirds as long as Raw but often just as bad. Michael Cole and Corey Graves welcome us to the show, which will feature a tag team championship match between The New Day and Shinsuke Nakamura and Cesaro. There's also a karaoke contest for some reason. And WWE will be replaying the Money in the Bank match between Braun Strowman and Bray Wyatt to fill up some time.
The Miz and John Morrison open the show with Miz TV. Miz talks up the guest as Morrison makes jokes about his history of drug use. Yes, it's Jeff Hardy. Hardy comes out as mask-wearing WWE trainees who haven't say down for seventeen hours headbang in coronavirus masks. Miz apologizes for Morrison's comments. He says Jeff Hardy has a clip to play, but Hardy hasn't heard anything about it. Miz and Morrison have one. The video is a recap of Hardy's feud with Sheamus that seems to be a bit biased toward Sheamus's point of view. Miz and Morrison are very impressed with the clip.
They point out that normally a hero overcoming his demons would end up the winner, but not Jeff. Jeff is angry, but Miz backs off. He says Jeff is his daughter's favorite star. But she doesn't know about the darkness in Jeff, and Miz, as a father, doesn't want his daughter to put her faith in someone who will let her down. Hardy is getting even more annoyed. Miz and Morrison ask Jeff if he's okay. Isn't everything Sheamus is doing, and losing to him, eating away at him? Jeff says he's been to hell and back, but it will take more than taunts from Sheamus to drive him back to addiction.
Miz and Morrison are skeptical. Hardy admits Sheamus does bother him and the loss at the last PPV bothered him too. But Jeff will do everything in his power to destroy Sheamus and put his past behind him. Hardy wants to be a beacon of life to anyone who watches WWE and struggles with addiction. He says the hope is real, and there's a life beyond their wildest dreams if they can stay sober. Miz and Morrison are touched. Miz says they want to help him redeem himself. Miz says Jeff needs a rematch with Sheamus in a place where he has the home-field advantage, where he's guaranteed to do his best work.
Miz says Jeff should face Sheamus in a bar fight. He can fight his physical enemy, Sheamus, and his metaphorical enemy, alcohol, at the same time. Jeff isn't amused. He calls Sheamus the Celtic butthole. Jeff says he's never going back to where he was. He's gonna take Sheamus out in the bar fight (wait, he accepts?). Jeff says he'll never let any of the WWE fans down again. Jeff officially accepts the match. And he has another challenge for tonight: he wants to face Miz or Morrison. Hardy attacks both men. Miz and Morrison flee the ring. Smackdown goes to commercials.
Back from break, Miz and Hardy are in a match. It's your typical Hardy match, with Hardy selling most of the time and making small comebacks. When it comes time for another commercial break, Hardy hits a Twist of Fate on Miz and heads to the top for the Senton Bomb, but Morrison pulls Hardy out. Hardy jumps on both men outside the ring and SmackDown goes to commercials. I could probably recap this match without even watching it.
Hardy is in control when SmackDown comes back, but Morrison interferes so that this match can go right back to where it was before the break. Miz inflicts ringside violence on Hardy. Hardy sells. He beats him up in the ring. He does his Daniel Bryan offense. This match is getting a little long in the tooth, so it's about time for the real Hardy comeback. Hardy fights back in an exchange of blows and hits a jawbreaker. He hits his atomic drop and his legdrop to the balls (or Vintage Hardy as Cole calls it. F**k you, Cole). Miz reverses a Twist of Fate into a Skull Crushing Finale which Hardy reverses into a rollup. Hardy takes out Morrison and goes for the Senton Bomb when Sheamus appears on the Titantron. Sheamus is drinking a pint of piss. Hardy doesn't let the distraction cause him to lose though, rolling Miz up for the win. Sheamus toasts Jeff's victory and drinks his urine.
WWE SmackDown Continues!
Backstage, Sarah Schrieber interviews Shinsuke Nakamura and Cesaro. She asks if they'll beat the New Day in an upset like when Nakamura beat Kofi Kingston last week. They're offended that she thinks that would be an upset. Cesaro says he's sick of New Day and their antics and gyrating and happiness. He's sick of them representing the tag team division. The New Day hasn't changed their gimmick up in years. Nakamura says there will be new tag team champions tonight.
Sasha Banks and Bayley come to the ring. Nikki Cross attacks Bayley at the top of the ramp. Alexa Bliss comes out to shove Sasha. SmackDown takes a commercial break. After that, Cole and Graves promote the karaoke contest. Then we go to the ring where Sasha Banks is beating up Nikki Cross. She tags in Bayley so Bayley can join the fun. They continue that way, double-teaming Nikki until Nikki manages to trap Bayley between the apron and the ring, and Cross and Bliss take control. Bayley tags in Sasha, who gets double-teamed by Alexa and Nikki. In a convoluted spot, Sasha and Bayley go outside the ring to yell at the announcers (who deserve it, to be honest — they suck). Nikki takes Bayley's belt and dances with it behind them. When they notice her and try to get her, Bliss hits a dropkick through the ropes. All of that was to set up another commercial break, of course.
Back from break, Alexa is in control of Sasha butt she doesn't notice Bayley get the blind tag. Bayley takes control. Her shouting in-ring is great. At one point before stomping Bliss, she yells "here's a present from my good friend Steve Austin!" Banks and Bayley abuse Alexa and taunt Nikki as the crowd awaits the inevitable hot tag. Nikki is hotheaded and can't help but be manipulated into trying to get into the ring, which just allows Sasha and Bayley to cheat more as the ref is distracted. Eventually, Bliss makes the hot tag and Cross takes out Bayley. Sasha tags in and Cross takes her out too. She splashes both women in the corner and hits a bulldog on Sasha. She rams Sasha's head into the turnbuckle. She goes for a Tornado DDT, but Bayley stops her and tags in. Cross hits a neck-breaker on Bayley. Cole believes Cross is going to get the pin there, so we know she'll be eating a pin in just a few seconds. Outside the ring, Sasha tosses Alexa into a barrier, which distracts Nikki. Bayley rolls her up and uses the ropes for leverage to get the win. SmackDown goes to commercials.
Now it's time to play the Wyatt vs. Strowman match from Money in the Bank. On the bright side, this means 20 minutes or so less for WWE workers to catch coronavirus. On the other bright side, I can go take a smoke break. There's no downside to this. I'll be back… in part two of this SmackDown report.