WWE Smackdown – USPS Budget Cuts Come to the Firefly Funhouse

WWE Smackdown continues. It's the final show of an eight-day wrestling marathon. It's the go-home show for Payback and simultaneously the fallout show for SummerSlam. It's part two of Bleeding Cool's Smackdown report.

The official logo for WWE Friday Night Smackdown.
The official logo for WWE Friday Night Smackdown.

WWE Smackdown Report for August 28th, 2020 Part 2

Earlier tonight, Vince McMahon dispatched lackey Adam Pearce with a special mission: get Roman Reigns, Bray Wyatt, and Braun Strowman to sign a contract for a triple threat match at Payback. When we left off in part one, Pearce was about to track down his first signature… in the Firefly Funhouse!

Firefly Funhouse

Bray Wyatt is in a chipper mood for someone who's about to have their push sacrificed to make Roman Reigns look strong. Wyatt brings out his Universal Championship, and the fireflies cheer. Bray says neither monster with big teeth will be able to take it away again. And it's good to see Roman again.

The doorbell rings. Adam Pearce arrives in a USPS outfit as Postman Pearce. I guess that's what was in the dry cleaning bag. Pearce wants Wyatt to sign the contract for Payback. Wyatt is confused about why he would sign The Fiend's contract. Pearce says he feels like there's a connection between the two of them, and Wyatt seems to accept that. He signs. Pearce leaves. Unfortunately, the contract won't arrive back at the arena until two weeks from now because of postal service budget cuts.

Michael Cole shills for the Thunderdome — he tells us Matt Riddle is coming out next and kicks off a Progressive Match Flo about Riddle's beef with The Ratings King of Friday Nights, Baron Corbin!

Matt Riddle comes out for a promo, bro. He says it seems like Corbin is scared of him, bro. If Corbin has something to prove, he should prove him wrong right now, bro. Smackdown goes to commercials, bro.

Riddle is still in the ring after the commercials. He just, like, spaced out for five minutes, bro. He snaps out of it and calls Corbin out again, bro. Corbin does come out now, bro.

Sorry, hold on. *smashes head against wall* Okay, I'm better. As Corbin vamps his way to the ring, Shorty G attacks Riddle from behind. Corbin accepts Riddle's challenge on behalf of Shorty G.

Matt Riddle vs. Shorty G

  • This match has lots of suplexes.
  • Riddle wins with Bro Derek.

Corbin tries to sneak attack Riddle after the match, but Riddle isn't having it. Corbin retreats.

Michael Cole shills for Talking Smack and plays a clip of The Miz arguing with Big E about white privilege while Kayla Braxton looks uncomfortable. In a promo from earlier today, Big E declines an offer to be on Miz TV. Miz and John Morrison walk up and talk some trash to him. Sheamus joins them. Then Heavy Machinery shows up on Big E's side. And so, a 6-man tag team match was booked for later tonight.

Could you imagine if whatever you did at your job every day was decided by who got in an argument first thing in the morning? What would WWE do if nobody picked a fight with anyone else? Would there just be no matches booked?

Big E and Heavy Machinery hang out backstage. He opens up Otis's Money in the Bank lunchbox and funds a bunch of sausages. Sasha Banks and Bayley walked up and accused them of being "a couple of clowns playing with their meet." Bayley makes fun of them by telling them she agrees with The Miz, and "some people" can only handle being tag team champions, not realizing that Sasha is currently only a tag team champion. Oops! Smackdown goes to commercials.

Adam Pearce, who has apparently quit the post office, knocks on Roman Reigns' dressing room door, but Roman doesn't answer. I note that Roman has double doors on his dressing room. Not even Vince has double doors.

Kayla Braxton asks Baron Corbin about what just happened in the ring with Matt Riddle. Corbin says he's gonna kick Riddle's ass at WWE Payback this Sunday. Corbin is gonna prove that Riddle doesn't belong in his kingdom. What happened to Corbin's plan that Riddle had to fight five jobbers before he could get a shot at Corbin? And fighting one jobber five times doesn't count, Shorty G!

Smackdown Promo – Sasha Banks and Bayley

Sasha Banks and Bayley come to the ring. Bayley says she and Sasha have had a difficult week. They had to defend their championships at SummerSlam and now their tag team championships at Payback. But that's no problem because they're so great. Sasha doesn't look as excited as Bayley. Bayley apologizes. She blames herself for Sasha losing to Asuka.

Bayley says she should have never let Sasha challenge Asuka. She knows Sasha was looking at Bayley with her two belts and felt she had to live up to that. Damn! Bayley should have known Sasha's history of never being able to defend a title successfully. Oh shit! Bayley says she didn't mean it like that. They have to "mooooove forward" (Sasha is wearing cow spot pants). Bayley says their titles represent their friendship, and on Sunday, they cannot lose. Sasha says she's right. They can't lose. As long as Bayley has Sasha's back, they can do anything. Sasha adds that lucky for Bayley, Bayley is still Sasha's best friend.

Shayna Baszler and Nia Jax interrupt from the Titantron. They hate each other, but they hate Sasha and Bayley more. They claim Sasha and Bayley are avoiding talking about winning on Sunday. Sasha says she will get her vengeance on Sunday and walk out with her tag team title. Nia Jax injures the Titantron.

Adam Pearce is looking for Braun Strowman. He runs into Drew Gulak, who also happens to be looking for Braun. Drew is mad at Braun for attacking him last week after Drew helped Braun up after the beatdown by Retribution. Drew spots Braun and grabs a steel chair and smacks Strowman in the back with it. Strowman doesn't even flinch. Gulak tosses the chair to Pearce and runs away. Pearce tries to get Strowman to sign. Strowman says he'll only do it if Pearce gets him Gulak in the ring right now. Well, not right now. First, Smackdown has to have some commercials first.

Cesaro lectures Shinsuke Nakamura on accepting an Intercontinental Championship match without consulting him first. Sami Zayn walks up and hugs them. He's so glad to have the band back together. Nakamura says Zayn didn't even call them for four months. Zayn apologizes. Cesaro says when Sami left, some things actually changed for the better. Zayn claims this was part of his plan, and them winning the tag team championships shows Sami was right. Sami is set to hang out with them, but Cesaro says they were in the middle of a tag team conversation and he wants Sami to leave. Sami says, actually, he had to go anyway.

And so do we… to part three of this Smackdown report. See you there!

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About Jude Terror

A prophecy once said that in the comic book industry's darkest days, a hero would come to lead the people through a plague of overpriced floppies, incentive variant covers, #1 issue reboots, and super-mega-crossover events. Sadly, that prophecy was wrong. Oh, Jude Terror was right. For ten years. About everything. But nobody listened. And so, Jude Terror has moved on to a more important mission: turning Bleeding Cool into a pro wrestling dirt sheet!
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