Could The Terrigen Mists Turn Every Mutant Black? A Comic Industry Wishlist For 2016

Scotland Yardie Cover2-page-001Bobby Joseph writes,

It's been an amazing year in comics. I stocked up on Saga. I liked Batgirl. I liked Ms Marvel. I adored Chew and marvelled at Alpha! I rocked out to Southern Bastards and groaned at Howard the Duck! This year, publishers got their shizzle tight! But what about 2016 bruv? What's that going to bring us? Here is my wish list of what should happen in comics in 2016.

1) A new Terrigen Mist should be unleashed turning all mutants Black. The X-Men will then have to adopt new code names and will obviously be relocated to Wakanda (as that's where all Black people live). They will be referred to as The Vex Men led by Professor Vex and Porn (who is slightly dressed like a hooker, which in hindsight, is not unlike the Storm of earlier X-Men stories). In each issue, The Vex Men will battle their new archenemy Vimto – the master of mixing soft drinks!

2) Speaking of Storm, there should be a brand new mini-series called The Secret Wars of Storm's Hair. Where we the readers find out how the sultry Storm (who as a Black woman) has managed to have straight, white hair for so many years. Is it a weave? Is it a wig? Is she half horse? Does she hide her hair straighteners in her cape? These questions need answers!

3) I had such high hopes for Sam Wilson: Captain America. But for next year I would like him to be retconned again and this time, he is back as a fun-loving pimp! I think a seventies shield slinging bad-ass would be a more fun than the diluted bitch that is the Sam Wilson we have now!

4) I would like Grant Morrison to return back to his roots and write more stories that feature him as the main character, as I am really, REALLY bored of him writing Hindu characters that DO NOT feature a lanky, bald white bloke. The last great Grant Morrison appearance was in that over-priced Miracleman special. So Grant, sort it out bruv!

5) In 2016, I think Marvel should combine all their ethnic characters as well as their LBGT characters (and not forgetting all the ethnic LBGT characters) to create the new title P.C. Avengers. In each issue our intrepid team tackle social ills such as littering, the lack of uni-sex toilets, and also taking on the dastardly twitter quotes of Donald Trump. Obviously, this ongoing title would have to be written by someone who has no knowledge or connection to ethnic people, the LBGT community or the ethnic LBGT community. Remember folks, it's just comics? Who needs authenticity!!

6) Fantagraphics Books will hopefully follow up Ed Piskor's Hip Hop Family Tree with Joss Stone's Reggae Branch. This limited series will have the Billboard's Reggae Artist of The Year (ahem) Joss Stone write, draw and even stick the staples into each issue as she charts the rise of reggae music.

7) We finally get some answers regarding the Black Panther. We know he's black (his costume is black) so can we have an origin story that explains why it is part of his name as well? Come to think of it… maybe have some origin stories for Black Goliath and Black Lightning as well? After all, shouldn't these three icons simply be called Panther, Goliath, and Lightning? Hmmmm…

8) Frank Miller to bring back the Fixer (he of Holy Terror popularity) in Dark Knight IV. Only the Fixer (or some time travel machine) can sort out the mess left by the subsequent sequels of the eighties classic. Unlike before, THIS mini-series will be hyped on Miller's name, and for no apparent reason, written and drawn by people we couldn't give a f-ck about!

9) Archie Comics to finally publish the long-awaited Archie Vs Isis. In this brilliant mini-series, the gang of Riverdale take on the might of Isis while holidaying in Syria. There are consequences… Archie is brainwashed (a bit like that other ginger bloke from Homeland), jovial Jughead is tragically executed (poor Jughead), while Betty and Veronica are sold into sex slavery (cue saucy Frank Cho covers!)

10) The brilliant Scotland Yardie sells a million copies! What the f-ck is a Scotland Yardie? Well, it's the wonderful new graphic novel by (um, err) Bobby Joseph and Joe Samuels. Published by those talented folks at Knockabout Comics. Scotland Yardie tells the story of 'Black Lethal Weapon in Sarth London.' This genius work will obviously (ahem) sell loads when it's released next summer!

Bobby Joseph is the creator of UK Black comic books Skank Magazine and Black Eye comic. He has written for the BBC comedy show Lenny Henry in Pieces and writes the Afro Kid comic for Vice. His first novel Skank – The World's Most Dangerous Comic Book is released Feb 2016 and his graphic novel Scotland Yardie – a UK graphic novel with Joseph Samuels will be released next summer by Knockabout Comics. His comic work Black Eye was featured in Comics Unmasked: Anarchy in UK – an exhibition at the British Library exploring the impact of UK comic books. He is credited on the BBC website as instrumental in featuring some of the 'first comics by black creators featuring black characters.'  He also hates it when writers use articles and back patting biogs to plug their works! 'It is a bleedin' disgrace bruv!' He has been quoted as saying.

Follow him on twitter. Send him food porn and pictures of cute kittens@Malcolm_Vex

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Rich JohnstonAbout Rich Johnston

Founder of Bleeding Cool. The longest-serving digital news reporter in the world, since 1992. Author of The Flying Friar, Holed Up, The Avengefuls, Doctor Who: Room With A Deja Vu, The Many Murders Of Miss Cranbourne, Chase Variant. Lives in South-West London, works from Blacks on Dean Street, shops at Piranha Comics. Father of two. Political cartoonist.
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