Everyone is Excited About Batman Day This Weekend… Except Batman

This Saturday, September 18th, is Batman Day, a day dedicated to celebrating the iconic Caped Crusader and his propensity for dressing like a bat and beating the **** out of mentally ill criminals. As the world gears up to celebrate this most special of days, some cities are even planning to honor Batman by shining the Bat Signal throughout the evening. A press release for the UK's Batman Day celebration elaborates on those plans:

To honour Batman Day 2021, the iconic Bat-Signal will be appearing on five mystery UK buildings throughout the evening of the 18th September. The exact locations will not be revealed until the night of the launch but London, Liverpool, and Glasgow have been announced as the chosen cities.

From sundown on Batman Day, the huge and instantly recognisable Bat-Signal will travel up the country, being projected onto four different buildings along the way. Eagle eyed fans who spot the building and follow the Bat-Signal will also be in with the chance of being surprised with Batman themed rewards, as the first ten people on site to approach event organisers and declare "I love Batman" will win prizes.

Starting in London, travelling north to Liverpool and Glasgow, and then returning to Batman's home… the timings for the evening have been revealed as:

8 – 8.30pm – London
8.45 – 9.15pm – Liverpool
9.30 – 10pm – Glasgow
10.15 – 10.45pm – London

The exact locations will be teased on Instagram and Facebook by DC GB Facebook and DCUKComics on the 18th to give Bat-Signal seekers a head start.

It does sound like a great way to celebrate Batman's Batmanniness, but one person disagrees: Batman himself! Bleeding Cool spoke to the Dark Knight in an EX-X-XCLUSIVE interview to get to the bottom of why he doesn't think Batman Day is a good idea.

"SCREW BATMAN DAY," Batman told us.

Why is that?

"DO PEOPLE THINK THIS IS SOME KIND OF GAME?" he growled. "THEY'RE GOING TO GET SOMEONE KILLED!"

Ah, you're talking about the bat signal thing, aren't you.

"HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHERE THE MENTALLY ILL CRIMINALS THAT REQUIRE SAVAGE BEATINGS ARE IF EVERYONE IS JUST SHINING THE GOD DAMN BAT SIGNAL ALL OVER THE PLACE?" he asked. "IT'S CHAOS. AND I DON'T LIKE CHAOS."

Don't you think that's overreacting just a tiny bit?

"WOULD IT BE OVERREACTING IF I PUMMELED YOU SENSELESS AND DANGLED YOU UPSIDE DOWN FROM THE TOP OF A SKYSCRAPER, PUNK?!" he shouted.

Uh… yes?

"WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK IS GOING TO HAPPEN WHEN I SEE THE BAT SIGNAL SHINING ABOVE GLASGOW?" he asked. "I'M GOING TO SWOOP DOWN, FIND THE MOST MENTALLY ILL CRIMINAL LOOKING MOTHERF**KERS IN THE GENERAL VICINITY, AND GO TO F**KING TOWN FASTER THAN THEY CAN CRY, 'ACH! NA! BATMAN! DINNAE HURT ME! AH'AMENT A IN YER HEID PEELY-WALLY CRIMINAL!' IT'S WHAT I DO. I'M BATMAN."

Can't you just… take the night off?

"DOES MENTALLY ILL CRIME TAKE A NIGHT OFF?!"

I don't know?

"NO, IT F**KING DOESN'T. YOU THINK THE JOKER IS GOING TO SAY, WELL, IT WILL BE TOO CONFUSING OUT THERE FOR BATMAN TONIGHT, SO I'LL WAIT UNTIL MONDAY TO POISON GOTHAM'S WATER SUPPLY? OF COURSE NOT! CRIME DOESN'T TAKE THE NIGHT OFF. AND NEITHER DOES THE BATMAN."

Okay, but surely you can just use your best judgment when deciding whether somebody is a mentally ill criminal or not, right?

"IT DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT!" Batman explained. "THE LAST TIME THEY DID THIS FOR BATMAN DAY, I CRITICALLY INJURED SEVEN CHILDREN, LEFT PERMANENT BATARANG SCARS ON THE FACES OF TWELVE INNOCENT ADULTS, AND NEARLY KILLED A LABRADOR RETRIEVER!"

You thought a dog was a mentally ill criminal?

"HE WAS URINATING ON A FIRE HYDRANT! THAT'S VANDALISM."

Okay, look. Clearly, this is very important to you. Let me see if I have any contact info for someone we could call at DC to try to stop this before it's too late. I think I might have some here in my–

We turned around, but Batman was already gone. He does that all the time. Batman Day takes place this Saturday, September 18th. You may want to consider celebrating indoors.

Everyone is Exited About Batman Day... Except Batman

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About Jude Terror

A prophecy claims that in the comic book industry's darkest days, a hero would come to lead the people through a plague of overpriced floppies, incentive variant covers, #1 issue reboots, and super-mega-crossover events. Unfortunately, nobody can tell when the comics industry has reached its "darkest days" because it somehow keeps finding new lows to sink to. No matter! Jude Terror stands vigilant, bringing the snarkiest of comic book and pro wrestling clickbait to the undeserving readers of Bleeding Cool.
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