Jimmie Robinson – "I Haven't Drawn in A Year. I Don't Know What Happened."
Permission granted to Bleeding Cool to republish this post by Jimmie Robinson, creator of titles such as Bomb Queen, Five Weapons, and The Empty. He received an Inkpot Award in 2015.
I haven't drawn in a year. I don't know what happened. Call it what you want… a mid-life crisis, depression, anxiety, whatever. A switch went off in my head and I'm just now finding the lever to flip it back.
Meds, therapy, faerie houses, gardening, a loving wife… I'm grasping what I can. I know whatever cred I had in the comic industry is gone and when I return I will have to produce comics in a way that works for both me and the publisher (Jim Valentino, Shadowline).
In other words, I need to COMPLETE a book series before even submitting it. Make sure it IS done. I feel SO horrible that I only finished half of the Powerline series. I had so much hope for that. It was a personal effort. I didn't do it for the money. We all knew going in that it was an uphill battle, but Valentino is a man of integrity and he knew the story needed to be told — he also knew it wasn't about the money.
Sadly, it was my brain that went under, not the book.
This meant more than just drawing. Suddenly I couldn't find myself going to a convention without anxiety. I actually bailed on 2 cons and I barely got through the last show only thanks to my wife and Susan (also Anna Warren Cebrian). I physically break out in a sweat, I can't draw and I avoid people. I was never like that before.
Granted I did have a few set backs. I've fallen on my face before (just ask Derek McCulloch or Jim Valentino). But I'd bounce back And get my work done, even if it meant tweaking the ending.
I am drawing again, thanks to some friends (Natasha and Cereal) who are also working on their projects, it's slow going but I intend to up the ante. I'm not writing this post fishing for compliments, that won't get me drawing again. I'm writing this post because I need to own it, adjust for it, and be publicly accountable for it.
The therapist said the way to deal with anxiety and disorder is to face it. Get a support system. Don't give up and don't discredit the victories — no matter how small. Posting on Facebook isn't a big deal, who cares about another post in a sea of internet threads, but the way I see it this is just another baby step, but at this point for me… I need this.
Forgive the typos and stuff. Typing on an iPad kinda sucks. Haha!