Posted in: Movies | Tagged: goosebumps, HRL, jack black, puffinbottoms, sony

Goosebumps 2 Release Date Pushed Back to Dilute Dangerous Levels of Jack Black

Published Fri, 29 Dec 2017 12:32:29 -0600

Averting a major catastrophe, Sony has smartly pushed back the release date of Goosebumps 2 from September 21st to October 12th, according to a report from Deadline. In addition to it making more sense to release the scary movie in October, the scariest of months, the movie was pushed back because the September 21st release date risked a dangerous oversaturation of Jack Black movies during a single weekend. The House With a Clock on Its Walls, also starring Black, is also set to open on September 21st.

For more on this, Bleeding Cool consulted with the world's foremost expert on movies.

"Over the years, humanity has built up a certain tolerance for Jack Black movies," explained world-renowned Box Officeologist and real person, Professor Thaddeus T. Puffinbottoms. "Sure, Jack Black is still overbearing and obnoxious, but most people hardly notice it anymore due to antibodies produced in our gall bladders. The human body is extremely resilient."

However, according to Puffinbottoms, our immune systems could easily be overwhelmed by an extreme concentration of Jack Black.

"A few years ago, HBO played Shallow Hal, Gulliver's Travels, and Nacho Libre back-to-back, and hundreds of people had to be hospitalized," Professor Puffinbottoms revealed. "By pushing the release date of Goosebumps 2 back by a few weeks, Sony has greatly reduced the risk, though it's still possible that unsuspecting moviegoers could accidentally take in a double feature of Jack Black movies and become violently ill or worse."

According to Professor Puffinbottoms, moviegoers should exercise caution when going to the cinema next Fall, and consider building up their immunity by watching Kung Fu Panda 1 and 2 multiple times over the Summer, though he warns not to watch both movies in the same 48 hour period.