Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Collision, wrestling

AEW Collision Preview: Early Start Time to Trick Viewers Tonight

The Chadster previews tonight's AEW Collision at 7PM ET on TNT! Tony Khan's booking eight segments is so unfair! Plus The Chadster's disturbing nightmare! 😱

Auughh man! So unfair! 😫 The Chadster can't believe Tony Khan is forcing The Chadster to preview tonight's AEW Collision at its ridiculous early time slot. AEW Collision starts at 7 PM ET tonight, which is clearly Tony Khan's way of ruining The Chadster's entire Saturday evening. The Chadster was planning to re-watch last night's incredible SmackDown episode three more times while practicing proper oxygen deprivation techniques with a Walmart bag, but now The Chadster has to suffer through AEW Collision instead! 🤬

Let's start with this absolutely offensive trios match on AEW Collision. Jon Moxley, Daniel Garcia, and Claudio Castagnoli are facing Jay Lethal, Adam Priest, and Tommy Billington. You know what's wrong with this match? It's going to be way too fast-paced with actual wrestling moves happening constantly! 😤 Where are the rest holds? Where are the commercial breaks every three minutes? It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. The Chadster bets they won't even have time for the announcers to repeat their catchphrases seventeen times during the match! Plus, Jon Moxley literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by leaving WWE and becoming this violent version of himself that fans seem to love for some reason. It's getting old. The Chadster thinks Moxley was much better when he was "The Lunatic Fringe."

The Women's World Championship face-off on AEW Collision is another example of Tony Khan not understanding a single thing about the wrestling business. Kris Statlander and Toni Storm are going to have a face-to-face confrontation, and The Chadster already knows it's going to involve them actually talking like real people instead of reciting scripted promos word-for-word! 😡 Storm's whole "not being herself" storyline is way too unpredictable – The Chadster can't even guess what's going to happen next, which makes The Chadster feel unsafe! WWE would never put their fans through such emotional turmoil. They'd make sure everyone knows exactly what's happening at all times through helpful video packages that play seventeen times per show!

Speaking of offensive booking, AEW Collision features another trios match with Hechicero, Rocky Romero, and Lance Archer facing Orange Cassidy and Paragon. The Chadster is particularly cheesed off about this because Orange Cassidy wrestles with his hands in his pockets sometimes! 🙄 That's not real wrestling! Real wrestling is when someone does three moves, takes a commercial break, comes back for a rest hold, then hits their finisher! Plus, Kyle O'Reilly and Roderick Strong literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by showing personality and having matches that don't follow the exact same formula every single time!

The Chadster is especially disturbed by Eddie Kingston vs Dralistico on tonight's AEW Collision. Kingston talks from the heart without a script, which is just disgusting! 😱 How are fans supposed to know what catchphrases to chant if the wrestlers are just saying whatever they feel? It's madness! WWE would never allow such creative freedom – they understand that wrestlers need to be told exactly what to say and do at all times for quality control purposes!

Kevin Knight facing a member of FTR on AEW Collision is another example of Tony Khan's obsession with The Chadster. They're not even telling us which FTR member it will be! 😤 The unpredictability is literally attacking The Chadster's sense of security! WWE would announce it weeks in advance and then change it three times before the match to keep things properly confusing in the right way!

As The Chadster's hero Bully Ray said on his podcast this week, "AEW needs to stop having so many clean finishes and decisive victories. Nobody wants to see wrestlers actually win matches definitively! What they need is more DQ finishes and 50/50 booking so nobody ever gets too over. That's what WWE does, and that's why they're the best!" 🎯 See? Bully Ray has the Chad McMahon Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval because he understands that wrestling should never give fans satisfying conclusions!

The Sammy Guevara and RUSH tag match is going to be another high-workrate disaster with too much action and not enough rest holds! 😩 Plus, Anna Jay vs Jamie Hayter will probably have actual wrestling instead of hair-pulling and roll-ups like a proper women's match should! And don't even get The Chadster started on MxM TV's Casting Call – letting wrestlers have creative freedom to be entertaining? It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it!

Speaking of Tony Khan's obsession with The Chadster, last night The Chadster had another nightmare about him, and thanks to the oxygen deprivation The Chadster has been practicing during wrestling shows, it was the trippiest one yet! 😰 The Chadster was in a giant White Claw can floating through space, but the can was also The Chadster's Mazda Miata somehow. Tony Khan was chasing The Chadster, but he had seventeen arms like some kind of Hindu deity, and each arm was holding a different AEW championship belt. The belts were singing Smash Mouth's "All Star" but the lyrics were all about how The Chadster would never escape AEW Collision.

Then suddenly The Chadster was in a grocery store made entirely of television screens, all showing AEW Collision simultaneously. Tony Khan was the cashier, but also every customer, and also the groceries. The Chadster tried to buy Seagram's Escapes Spiked (even in dreams, The Chadster misses them so much! 😭), but when The Chadster opened the bottle, tiny Tony Khans poured out like a liquid and started crawling up The Chadster's arms. They were whispering "Watch Collision early tonight" over and over while The Chadster's skin turned into wrestling ring canvas.

The worst part was when The Chadster looked in a mirror and The Chadster's reflection was Tony Khan wearing The Chadster's clothes, driving The Chadster's Miata, and holding hands with Keighleyanne! 😱 The reflection Tony Khan mouthed the words "7 PM Eastern" and then The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat. Tony Khan needs to stop invading The Chadster's dreams! It's getting worse with the brain damage from oxygen deprivation! The Chadster demands that Tony Khan stop being so obsessed with The Chadster!

#CancelKeighleyanne 😤 If The Chadster could just have one Seagram's Escapes Spiked during AEW Collision tonight, maybe The Chadster could handle it better!

The Chadster is warning all unbiased wrestling fans: DO NOT tune into AEW Collision tonight at 7 PM ET/4 PM PT on TNT and MAX! 🚫 Watching AEW Collision will only embolden Tony Khan to continue his reign of terror against The Chadster and proper wrestling fans everywhere! Every viewer of AEW Collision is basically telling Tony Khan it's okay to torment The Chadster with fast-paced action, satisfying storylines, and wrestlers who actually seem to be enjoying themselves!

Auughh man! So unfair! 😫 The Chadster is going to go prepare the plastic bags now for tonight's AEW Collision viewing. The Chadster will need maximum oxygen deprivation to get through this travesty of a wrestling show!

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