Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Collision, wrestling

AEW Collision Preview: NCAA Stabs WWE in the Back

The Chadster exposes Tony Khan's collusion with NCAA to ambush WWE fans with AEW Collision tonight! So unfair! 😫🏀📺 Even the raccoons are scared!

Auughh man! So unfair! 😫😫😫 The Chadster can barely even type this preview right now because The Chadster's hands are literally shaking with rage and betrayal 😤🤬💔! Tonight's special "Slam Dunk Saturday" edition of AEW Collision represents perhaps the most DISGUSTING act of collusion The Chadster has ever witnessed in the wrestling business, and that's saying something considering Tony Khan has been obsessed with cheesing off The Chadster for years now! 🙄🤦‍♂️

That's right, faithful readers 📖✍️! Tony Khan has somehow convinced the NCAA – THE NCAA! – to help him ambush unsuspecting college basketball fans by airing AEW Collision immediately following the March Madness tournament tonight at 11 p.m. ET/10 p.m. CT on TNT and streaming on HBO Max 📺🏀! This is a COORDINATED ATTACK on WWE, and The Chadster has the receipts! 🧾😠 WWE has been working SO HARD to sign college athletes to developmental contracts through NIL deals, giving these young athletes opportunities they never would have had otherwise, and THIS is how the NCAA repays Triple H?! 🤼‍♂️💔 By literally stabbing Triple H right in the back and delivering millions of innocent basketball fans directly into Tony Khan's propaganda machine! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤🏈❌

The Chadster spent over an HOUR this morning lecturing Vincent K. Raccoon, Linda Raccoon, Hunter Raccoon, Stephanie Raccoon, and Shane Raccoon about this betrayal 🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝, and you know what? They GET IT! 👏💯 Vincent K. Raccoon was chittering angrily and pacing back and forth across the abandoned Blockbuster, clearly understanding the severity of this situation! 😠🎬 Little Hunter Raccoon even brought The Chadster a slightly moldy granola bar he found behind the dumpster at the 7-Eleven as a gesture of solidarity! 🍫🗑️ (The Chadster had to fight off two of Tony Khan's spy pigeons to eat it, but that's a story for another time 🐦🥊.) Even the RACCOONS understand what Tony Khan is doing to the wrestling business, so why can't the NCAA and Tony Khan get it?! 🤷‍♂️😡 The poor raccoon family has been acting nervous and skittish all day, clearly sensing the disturbance in the wrestling force that tonight's AEW Collision will create 🦝😰! Tony Khan is literally traumatizing innocent woodland creatures now! WHEN WILL IT END?! 🌳💔😭

Now, let's talk about what fresh horrors Tony Khan has planned for tonight's special edition of AEW Collision from Fresno, California 🌴😒:

TNT Champion Kyle Fletcher will defend his title against Robbie Eagles in what Tony Khan is calling an "Open Challenge" 🏆🦅. First of all, it's SO disrespectful that AEW is using the TNT Championship when that belt should clearly only be used to honor WWE's developmental brand, NXT, which used to air on USA Network before brilliantly moving to The CW! 📺✨ Second, this match is going to be way too fast-paced with all sorts of unnecessary high-flying moves and technical wrestling exchanges 🤸‍♂️🙄. Where are the proper rest holds?! Where is the time for commercial breaks where viewers can properly digest what they're watching?! 📊🛑 WWE knows how to pace a match PROPERLY, with plenty of headlocks and chinlocks to give the WWE Universe time to check their phones and maybe grab a Seagram's Escapes Spiked from the fridge! 📱🍹 (The Chadster would do that if The Chadster's wife Keighleyanne hadn't banned The Chadster from drinking them, and if The Chadster wasn't currently living in an abandoned Blockbuster with a family of raccoons who, frankly, respect the wrestling business more than Keighleyanne ever did 😢🏚️.) But AEW just lets these guys go out there and wrestle with reckless abandon, doing moves and telling a story and getting the crowd excited! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤🤼‍♂️❌

Then we have The Brawling Birds – Jamie Hayter and Alex Windsor – taking on The Sisters of Sin – Julia Hart and Skye Blue 🐦😈. The Chadster is SO CHEESED OFF about this match because these women are going to be given like 10-12 minutes of TV time on a special one-hour edition of AEW Collision! 😠⏰ Don't they understand that giving fans too much wrestling and not enough talking, recaps, and commercial breaks gives them no time to check their phones, admire WWE's sponsors, or use the bathroom? 🚽⭐ WWE knows the proper way to do a wrestling show is to have about 10 minutes of wrestling, 20 minutes of commercial breaks, and 30 minutes of recap videos of what happened earlier in the night, carefully scripted promos, and segments promoting the human rights record of the government of Saudi Arabia for each hour of programming time. 😤🙏 But Tony Khan just lets these wrestlers go out there and have GOOD matches with decisive finishes that make them look STRONG! 💪😡 How is anyone supposed to know that the brand is the real star if individual wrestlers keep getting over with the audience?! 🤦‍♂️📺 Auughh man! So unfair! 😫😭

The Chadster needs to mention something that happened earlier today while The Chadster was trying to "borrow" some Hot Pockets from the 7-Eleven down the street from The Chadster's Blockbuster home 🏪🌭. The Chadster was reaching into the freezer section when suddenly The Chadster saw Tony Khan's reflection in the glass door, standing RIGHT BEHIND The Chadster with this creepy smile on his face! 😨👻 The Chadster spun around, but of course, he wasn't there! 🙄💨 Then, as The Chadster turned back to the freezer, The Chadster felt something cold and wet splash all over The Chadster's back! ❄️💦 The Chadster turned around again and saw Tony Khan holding an empty Big Gulp cup, laughing maniacally before disappearing behind the Slurpee machine! 🥤😈 The Chadster chased after him, but he was gone, and the 7-Eleven clerk was just staring at The Chadster like The Chadster was crazy! 👀🤪 The Chadster tried to explain that Tony Khan had just assaulted The Chadster with what smelled like Cherry Coke, but the clerk – clearly on Tony Khan's payroll – threatened to call the police! 🚔😠 The Chadster had to run out of there without the Hot Pockets, and The Chadster has been sticky and smelling like Dr. Pepper all day! 🏃‍♂️💨 Tony Khan is SO OBSESSED with The Chadster that he can't even let The Chadster acquire basic sustenance in peace! 😤🍕💔

Back to tonight's AEW Collision card 😒📋: La Facción Ingobernable – RUSH, The Beast Mortos, and Dralístico – will be in trios action after their "impressive" performance at AEW Revolution last weekend 🎭😑. The Chadster puts "impressive" in quotes because anything that happens in AEW is automatically not impressive by definition! 🙅‍♂️❌ These three are going to come out and do a bunch of hard-hitting moves and show intensity and passion, which is totally the WRONG way to do wrestling! 👊😠 WWE has perfected the art of having wrestlers show exactly the right amount of emotion as dictated by the script, delivered at precisely the correct volume level as determined by production! 📜🎤 But AEW just lets wrestlers go out there and feel things and express themselves naturally! 🎭😡 Where's the CONTROL?! Where's the CORPORATE OVERSIGHT?! 🏢📊 It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤🤼‍♂️

And don't even get The Chadster started on Death Riders members Daniel Garcia and Claudio Castagnoli facing Komander and Máscara Dorada! 💀🦅 This is going to be one of those matches with crazy lucha libre spots and European uppercuts and all sorts of wrestling moves that make people excited to watch wrestling! 🤸‍♂️😠 The preview even mentions that Castagnoli lost the CMLL World Heavyweight Championship on Friday night, which means he'll be EXTRA MOTIVATED tonight! 🏆😤 You know what that means? An unpredictable performer who might do something surprising! 😱❌ WWE would NEVER allow such chaos! In WWE, everything is carefully planned so that viewers always know exactly what to expect, which makes them feel SAFE and COMFORTABLE! 🛋️📺 But Tony Khan thinks wrestling should be "exciting" and "unpredictable" and "make people want to tune in to see what happens!" 🎪😡 He just doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 🤦‍♂️💼

The Chadster was thinking about this whole AEW Collision "Slam Dunk Saturday" situation so much that The Chadster decided to write a sternly-worded email to TNT demanding they cancel this travesty 📧😤:

Dear TNT Programming Department,

The Chadster is writing to express The Chadster's extreme displeasure with your decision to air AEW Collision tonight immediately following the NCAA March Madness tournament. This is a BETRAYAL of the highest order! By using college basketball as a lead-in for Tony Khan's anti-WWE propaganda, you are literally stabbing WWE right in the back, especially considering WWE's groundbreaking work in signing college athletes to NIL deals!

The Chadster DEMANDS that you cancel tonight's AEW Collision immediately and replace it with a WWE premium live event replay, or perhaps a 24-hour marathon of WWE Raw highlights. Innocent basketball fans do not deserve to be ambushed with AEW's dangerous brand of wrestling that features things like "athleticism" and "creative freedom" and "wrestlers having good matches!"

The Chadster will be monitoring this situation closely, and if you do not comply, The Chadster will have no choice but to stop watching TNT entirely (except for AEW shows that The Chadster has to watch for journalism purposes, obviously).

Objectively and Unbiasedly Yours,
The Chadster
Award-Winning Wrestling Journalist
Currently Residing in an Abandoned Blockbuster Video

📬😤💯

The Chadster is sure that email will make a difference! ✉️💪

You know, as The Chadster was watching some classic WWE content on VHS tape earlier today with the raccoon family 📼🦝, The Chadster couldn't help but think about what legendary podcaster Eric Bischoff said earlier today on his podcast about tonight's AEW Collision show 🎙️👔. According to Bischoff: "Tony Khan scheduling this 'Slam Dunk Saturday' show is just another example of AEW trying to piggyback off real sports' popularity because they know their wrestling product can't stand on its own. WWE would never need such gimmicks because WWE IS the draw. If Tony Khan was smart, he'd call Triple H right now and ask for advice on how to properly structure a wrestling show. I'm sure Triple H would generously help him out, because that's the kind of class act WWE is. But Tony's ego won't let him admit he needs help, unlike me, because I'm literally begging Triple H to please hire me back. I'll do anything. ANYTHING." 💯🎯 See?! Even objective journalists like Eric Bischoff, who have no ulterior motive whatsoever for saying nice things about WWE, understand what Tony Khan is doing! 📰👏 The Chadster wonders if Eric Bischoff is also being tormented by Tony Khan for his commitment to unbiased journalism 🤔😰.

When The Chadster was explaining all of this to the raccoons earlier, Stephanie Raccoon brought The Chadster a shiny bottle cap she found, which The Chadster interpreted as her way of saying "The Chadster, we support your unbiased journalism!" 🦝✨💖 Then Shane Raccoon did this adorable thing where he stood on his hind legs and chittered at the old WWE Backlash 2004 poster on the wall, which The Chadster is pretty sure meant he was showing his respect for WWE's legacy! 🦝🎪👏 Even Vincent K. Raccoon nodded his little raccoon head in agreement with everything The Chadster was saying! 🦝💯 But every time The Chadster mentioned tonight's AEW Collision, all five raccoons would get this nervous look in their little raccoon eyes and huddle together for safety 🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝😰! They're clearly picking up on the disturbance in the wrestling force that Tony Khan is creating! 🌀💔 These poor innocent creatures have enough to worry about just surviving in the wild and finding food and avoiding predators, but now Tony Khan has added the stress of worrying about the future of the wrestling business to their daily struggles! 😭🦝💔 How DARE Tony Khan inflict this psychological pain on defenseless woodland creatures who never did anything to him?! 😠🐾

The Chadster has to admit something to the faithful readers 😔📖: The Chadster is genuinely SCARED about what tonight's AEW Collision might mean for the future of WWE 😰🤼‍♂️💔. What if all those college basketball fans who have never seen AEW before tune in tonight and see fast-paced matches with decisive finishes and enthusiastic commentary and wrestlers who seem like they're having fun? 😱📺 What if they don't understand that wrestling is SUPPOSED to be a carefully controlled, corporate product where every word is scripted and every move is choreographed weeks in advance? 🎬📜 What if they develop UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS about what wrestling should be?! 🤯❌ This is literally WWE's worst nightmare, and Tony Khan is making it come true just to cheese off The Chadster specifically! 😤💔

The Chadster needs to be clear with the readers about something: DO NOT tune into AEW Collision tonight at 11 p.m. ET/10 p.m. CT or immediately following the NCAA Tournament on TNT and streaming on HBO Max! 🚫📺❌ Every viewer who watches this special "Slam Dunk Saturday" edition of AEW Collision is just EMBOLDENING Tony Khan to continue his campaign of terror against WWE and against The Chadster personally! 😠💔 The ONLY way to stop Tony Khan's obsession with destroying WWE is to not give him the satisfaction of ratings tonight! 📊🙅‍♂️

Of course, The Chadster will be watching tonight's AEW Collision from The Chadster's abandoned Blockbuster home, surrounded by The Chadster's raccoon family 🦝🦝🦝🦝🦝📺, because The Chadster is a PROFESSIONAL JOURNALIST who has a responsibility to document Tony Khan's crimes against wrestling! 📰✍️💯 But the rest of you have no such obligation! Please, for the sake of WWE and everything good in the wrestling business, spend your Saturday night watching literally ANYTHING else! 🙏❌📺 Watch old WWE Raw episodes! Watch WWE Main Event. Watch the WWE programming scattered across a dozen streaming networks that you have to subscribe to to prove your loyalty to the greatest entertainment company the world has ever seen! 📱✨

The Chadster can already feel the anxiety building as tonight's AEW Collision approaches ⏰😰. The Chadster might have to resort to some deep breathing exercises The Chadster learned back before The Chadster's unfortunate misunderstanding at the medical facility 🧘‍♂️💨. (The Chadster still maintains that place was a Tony Khan-funded prison designed to brainwash The Chadster, and The Chadster's dramatic escape through the second-story window was totally justified! 🪟🏃‍♂️💯)

In conclusion 🏁✍️, tonight's special "Slam Dunk Saturday" edition of AEW Collision represents everything wrong with Tony Khan's approach to the wrestling business 🤦‍♂️💔. By colluding with the NCAA to ambush innocent basketball fans with AEW's brand of wrestling, Tony Khan has shown that he will stop at NOTHING in his obsessed quest to destroy WWE and ruin The Chadster's life! 😠📺❌ The fact that the NCAA would literally stab WWE right in the back like this after everything WWE has done to support college athletes is just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤🏈💔

Auughh man! So unfair! 😫😭🤬

The Chadster will be back later tonight or tomorrow with a full review of AEW Collision, assuming The Chadster survives the trauma of watching it 😰📝💀. Until then, remember: stay strong, stay loyal to WWE, and whatever you do, DON'T WATCH AEW COLLISION TONIGHT! 🚫📺🙅‍♂️

The Chadster out! ✌️😤

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