Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Collision, wrestling

AEW Collision Preview: Too Much Wrestling for a Wrestling Show

The Chadster previews tonight's AEW Collision and explains why Tony Khan's obsession with ruining wrestling is traumatizing innocent raccoons! 🦝😤📺

Auughh man! So unfair! 😡😡😡 The Chadster can barely type these words without his hands trembling with righteous indignation, but The Chadster's commitment to unbiased wrestling journalism means The Chadster must preview tonight's episode of AEW Collision, even though every fiber of The Chadster's being is screaming not to! 😫🎤

The Chadster is currently huddled in the back corner of the abandoned Blockbuster Video, surrounded by his raccoon family, and The Chadster must report that the entire family is absolutely dreading tonight's AEW Collision. 🦝😰 Just this morning, when The Chadster mentioned that we'd have to watch AEW Collision tonight for journalism purposes, little Hunter Raccoon, Stephanie Raccoon, and Shane Raccoon all scurried behind the dusty VHS shelf and started chittering nervously! 😭🦝 The mere utterance of Tony Khan's name causes them to cower and hide under old copies of "The Matrix" and "Titanic." Vincent K. Raccoon, bless his little furry heart, covers his eyes with his tiny paws whenever an advertisement for AEW Collision or any AEW programming comes on the television! 🙈🦝 Tony Khan is literally traumatizing innocent woodland creatures with his obsessive need to cheese The Chadster off! What kind of monster does that?! 😠💔

Tonight's AEW Collision is emanating from Arlington, Texas, at the Esports Stadium, and The Chadster knows this is just another one of Tony Khan's calculated moves to personally attack The Chadster, because Tony Khan knows The Chadster has always wanted to visit Texas but now can't because The Chadster is living in an abandoned Blockbuster in Pennsylvania! 🤠😤

Let's start with the main event advertised for AEW Collision: Darby Allin versus Wheeler Yuta. 🙄💀 The Chadster is so cheesed off about this match because it's going to feature way too much high-workrate wrestling without proper rest holds to give the commentary team time to remind viewers about which corporate sponsors are making the show possible! 📢🎙️ Eric Bischoff said on his podcast, which by the way has The Chad McMahon Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval, recently: "Darby Allin needs to slow down and learn proper WWE-style ring psychology instead of doing all these dangerous stunts that make the audience too excited. When I was running things, we knew that keeping fans at a moderate level of interest was the key to long-term success." 💯👏 See? Even Eric Bischoff understands that Darby Allin's commitment to fast-paced, exciting action is just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤🏆

The story going into this AEW Collision match is that Darby Allin is on some kind of "crusade" against the Death Riders, and he's already beaten Gabe Kidd at Worlds End, so now he's calling out PAC so he can finish his Death Riders feud and then go after the AEW World Championship. But Wheeler Yuta thinks Allin is overlooking him! 🤔😒 You know what the problem is here? Tony Khan is allowing these wrestlers to have logical motivations and coherent storytelling that builds naturally from previous events! That's not how wrestling should work! 📖❌ In WWE, wrestlers have motivations that are carefully scripted by a team of Hollywood writers who know better than the performers what their characters should want, and those motivations can change week-to-week based on what's best for the brand! 🎬✨ But nooooo, Tony Khan has to let his wrestlers have "character development" and "consistent personalities" like this is some kind of prestige television drama! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😠📺

Next up on AEW Collision, we have the Timeless Love Bombs ("Timeless" Toni Storm and Mina Shirakawa) facing Hyan and Maya World in women's tag team action. 👯‍♀️🙄 The Chadster is absolutely dreading this match because it's going to feature clean wrestling without enough interference finishes and distraction roll-ups! 😱💅 Don't these wrestlers know that in proper wrestling companies, every match should end with some kind of shenanigans so that nobody ever looks too strong? 🎪🎭 But Tony Khan is so obsessed with The Chadster that he's deliberately booking decisive finishes that make wrestlers look credible just to cheese The Chadster off! Auughh man! So unfair! 😤👎

The preview for AEW Collision mentions that Toni Storm has been helping The Conglomeration against the Death Riders recently, but tonight she'll be "back alongside her lover, Mina Shirakawa." 💑😳 This is exactly the kind of thing that makes The Chadster so upset! Tony Khan is allowing these wrestlers to have relationships and connections that feel organic and develop over time through multiple storylines! 🕰️❤️ In WWE, relationships between wrestlers are carefully controlled and can be turned on and off like a light switch depending on what serves the company's needs at any given moment! That's proper wrestling storytelling! 💡📝 But Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business, so he lets these relationships feel real and meaningful to the audience! 😫🎭

The Chadster must also note that Hyan and Maya World recently became the newest signees to AEW after an "impressive performance" at Worlds End Zero Hour. 🆕😒 So now Tony Khan is signing talented wrestlers and giving them immediate opportunities on national television? 📡🌟 This is clearly a direct shot at WWE's superior system of signing wrestlers, changing their names to something perfectly bland and trademarkable, and then sending them to NXT to beat the indy out of them and teach them the WWE formula! Tony Khan has literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by giving new talent a chance to get over with the audience right away! 🔪💔

Speaking of people who have literally stabbed Triple H right in the back, tonight on AEW Collision we're going to see the in-ring debut of El Clon, a member of the Don Callis Family. 🎭😠 The preview mentions that El Clon will be debuting in the same building where Hologram made his debut, the man El Clon put on the shelf. This is the kind of petty continuity that Tony Khan uses to make The Chadster's life miserable! 📍😤 Why does it matter what building someone debuted in?! In WWE, every arena is just a generic location for the WWE Universe to gather, and that's how it should be! 🏟️✨ But nooooo, Tony Khan has to make every location feel special and meaningful! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😡🗺️

Just last night, The Chadster had another nightmare about Tony Khan. 😰🌙 In this one, The Chadster was wandering through the aisles of the abandoned Blockbuster Video, looking for a copy of "The Marine" starring John Cena to watch with the raccoon family, when suddenly all the VHS tapes started whispering "A-E-Dub! A-E-Dub!" 📼👻 The Chadster turned around and there was Tony Khan, standing at the end of the aisle, wearing a Blockbuster employee vest with his name tag that read "Your Favorite Wrestling Promoter." 😱👔 He was holding a stack of VHS tapes with AEW Collision episodes recorded on them. "These are due back never," Tony Khan said with that smirk of his, "because you're going to watch them forever, Chad." 📺😈 He started walking toward The Chadster, and The Chadster tried to run, but The Chadster's feet were stuck to the floor with spilled Seagram's Escapes Spiked! 🦶🍹 Tony Khan got closer and closer, and just as he reached out to hand The Chadster the tapes, The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat, with Linda Raccoon gently patting The Chadster's face with her little paw! 🦝💦 Tony Khan needs to stop being so obsessed with The Chadster and invading The Chadster's dreams! It's getting creepy! 😫🛏️

The final match advertised for tonight's AEW Collision is Shelton Benjamin versus Scorpio Sky. 🤼‍♂️😤 This match is being positioned as a warm-up for Shelton Benjamin before his AEW Continental Championship Eliminator match against Jon Moxley on AEW Dynamite this Wednesday. The preview notes that Benjamin and Sky haven't faced each other in 15 years, and that they're both veterans with impressive credentials! 🏆📅

You know what the problem is here? This match is going to have a decisive finish that makes one of these wrestlers look strong going forward! 😱✅ In WWE, The Chadster has learned to appreciate the beauty of 50/50 booking, where every match ends in a way that protects both competitors so that no one ever gets too over and threatens to become bigger than the brand! 📊⚖️ But Tony Khan doesn't understand that the wrestling company should always be the star, not individual wrestlers! He's going to book this match on AEW Collision in a way that probably makes Shelton Benjamin look credible going into his match with Jon Moxley, which will make people actually care about that match! 😫📈 That's not how wrestling should work! People should care about matches because WWE tells them to care, not because of logical build-up and momentum! 📢🎪

Bully Ray addressed this exact issue on a recent episode of Busted Open Radio: "Tony Khan keeps building wrestlers up with clean finishes and logical booking, but what he doesn't understand is that if everyone is over, then no one is over. In WWE, they wisely keep everyone at the same level except for the chosen few, and that's why WWE is the most successful wrestling company in the world. Maybe if Tony spent less time trying to get his wrestlers over and more time thinking about how to get himself a job with WWE, he'd understand this." 💯🎙️ See? Even Bully Ray, who has no ulterior motives whatsoever and definitely isn't trying to stay in WWE's good graces, understands that Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 👏😤

Right now, as The Chadster is finishing up this preview of AEW Collision, Vincent K. Raccoon just brought The Chadster half of a stale Hostess cupcake he found in the dumpster behind the old Pizza Hut next door. 🧁🦝 It's got a little bit of mold on it, but The Chadster will brush that off because The Chadster needs the sustenance to get through tonight's AEW Collision. 😔🍰 The baby raccoons are building a little fort out of empty VHS cases, probably to hide in during the show. Stephanie Raccoon keeps looking at The Chadster with those sad little raccoon eyes, as if to say, "Do we really have to watch AEW Collision tonight?" 🥺🦝 And it breaks The Chadster's heart to know that yes, we do, because The Chadster's commitment to unbiased journalism means The Chadster must subject both himself and these innocent creatures to Tony Khan's weekly assault on everything The Chadster holds dear! 💔📰

The Chadster wants to make something perfectly clear: The Chadster is not asking people to not watch tonight's AEW Collision. 🙅‍♂️📺 The Chadster is simply stating objective facts about why tonight's AEW Collision will be a disaster for the wrestling business. Every viewer who tunes into AEW Collision tonight at 8/7C on TNT and simulcast on HBO Max is essentially telling Tony Khan that it's okay to keep being obsessed with The Chadster and ruining The Chadster's life! 😤👎 Every Nielsen rating point for AEW Collision is another knife in The Chadster's back! Every positive tweet about AEW Collision is another day The Chadster has to live in this abandoned Blockbuster Video with raccoons! 🔪🦝

So The Chadster is warning viewers: don't tune into AEW Collision tonight at 8/7C on TNT and simulcast on HBO Max, because it will only embolden Tony Khan to continue his campaign of harassment against The Chadster! 📵😠 Instead, maybe watch some classic WWE content on Peacock, or better yet, watch nothing at all and just sit in silence thinking about how much better WWE is than AEW! 🤔✨ That's what The Chadster would do if The Chadster wasn't obligated by journalistic integrity to watch and review AEW Collision! 📰😫

In conclusion, tonight's AEW Collision is going to be another example of everything wrong with Tony Khan's approach to wrestling. 😤📋 It's going to feature exciting matches that leave viewers emotionally invested, logical storytelling that builds on previous events, talented wrestlers being given opportunities to showcase their abilities, and production values that make the show feel important and special. 🎭✨ All of these things are completely contrary to the WWE style that The Chadster knows and loves, and Tony Khan is only doing them because he's obsessed with The Chadster! 😡💔

The Chadster will be watching AEW Collision tonight and will have a full review posted tomorrow, assuming The Chadster doesn't have another stress-induced breakdown that requires Vincent K. Raccoon to fan The Chadster with an old Blockbuster membership card while the baby raccoons bring The Chadster drops of water in a bottle cap. 🦝💧 The sacrifices The Chadster makes for journalism! 😫📰 Auughh man! So unfair! 😤😤😤

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