Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Collision, Maya World, recaps, wrestling

AEW Collision Review: Maya World Shocks Athena in Houston

El Presidente reviews AEW Collision from Houston! Maya World shocks Athena, Ciampa bloodies Jericho, and the Hurt Syndicate opens for business!

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from my luxurious viewing theater aboard my private submarine currently cruising beneath the Gulf of Mexico, and I have just surfaced from watching last night's AEW Collision from Houston, Texas! My pet capybara Esteban and I enjoyed some fine Venezuelan rum while watching the show, though Esteban became quite distressed during the Hurt Syndicate match. He has always been sensitive to one-sided beatings ever since that unfortunate incident with Kim Jong-un at my birthday party in 2019.

AEW Collision delivered an evening of professional wrestling that reminded me of the time I hosted a peace summit between rival factions in my country – lots of posturing, some violence, and at least one shocking outcome that nobody saw coming!

The Young Bucks & Jack Perry vs. The Lethal Twist

AEW Collision opened with The Young Bucks and "Jungle" Jack Perry taking on Jay Lethal, Blake Christian, and Lee Johnson in trios action. The Lethal Twist, comrades, is what I call my patented interrogation technique, but in this case it refers to Lethal's stable of workers who have yet to seize the means of production from the bourgeois Elite!

The match featured extended action with Lethal Twist isolating Perry – much like the CIA once tried to isolate me at a G20 summit by serving everyone else steak while giving me a veggie burger. The disrespect! The Bucks and Perry rallied late, hitting the Meltzer Driver on Johnson for the victory. Afterward, Perry challenged Zack Sabre Jr. to a match on Dynamite, promising the winner would pay for drinks. In my experience, comrades, when a wealthy EVP offers to buy drinks, you should order the most expensive champagne and several lobsters!

Kris Statlander vs. Mina Shirakawa

Kris Statlander defeated Mina Shirakawa in a TBS Championship Survival of the Fittest qualifying match that was more competitive than my last election! Harley Cameron joined commentary, which is always entertaining – she has the chaotic energy of Muammar Gaddafi at a disco, may he rest in power.

Shirakawa worked over Statlander's arm like a capitalist pig works over labor unions, but Statlander's power game proved too much. The finish saw Shirakawa attempt La Mística into a pin, but Statlander rolled through for the victory. This move reversal was smoother than the time I convinced Vladimir Putin that I had not stolen his favorite horse – I had merely "redistributed" it to my stable for the good of the people.

Afterward, both women embraced with Cameron, showing the kind of solidarity that warms my socialist heart! This is how the workers should unite, comrades, not fight each other while Tony Khan counts his money like Scrooge McDuck swimming in gold coins!

The Hurt Syndicate Brutalizes Local Talent

Bobby Lashley and Shelton Benjamin destroyed Warren Johnson and Zack Mason in a match that was less competitive than my capybara Esteban arm-wrestling a newborn kitten. Johnson made the critical error of slapping Lashley, which went about as well as the time I accidentally insulted Fidel Castro's beard at a state dinner.

MVP cut a promo afterward announcing that the Hurt Syndicate is in business for money and will hurt people for anyone with a bag of cash. Ah, the honesty! This is pure mercenary capitalism, comrades, and while I respect the hustle, I must point out that in a proper socialist system, hurting people would be done for the good of the state, not for profit! Though I suppose my own security forces do accept "consulting fees" from time to time…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=McuEXgVjguE

Chris Jericho and Tommaso Ciampa Draw Blood

Chris Jericho and Tommaso Ciampa had a face-to-face confrontation that turned violent faster than a trade negotiation with the Americans when they discover I've been selling oil to their enemies! Ciampa challenged Jericho to a match at Dynamite Beach Break on July 8, and Jericho accepted before trying to apply the Walls of Jericho.

But Ciampa struck low – a move I have employed myself when the CIA sent an especially handsome agent to seduce state secrets from me – and proceeded to bloody Jericho all over Houston! The visual of Jericho's bloodied face will certainly sell the feud, much like the time Nicolas Maduro and I staged a fake fight at the UN to distract from… well, never mind what we were distracting from.

Místico vs. Dante Martin

Místico defeated Dante Martin in a match showcasing the lucha libre style that I have always admired! Martin had Christopher Daniels in his corner, while Místico relied on the support of the Houston crowd. The match featured high-flying action and Místico appeared to injure his leg, leading Martin to target it like a revolutionary targeting the weakest link in the capitalist chain!

But Místico persevered, catching Martin on the turnbuckles and hitting a Spanish Fly for the victory! This finishing move was more devastating than the economic sanctions I received after that incident with the neighboring country's fishing boats. They were in international waters, comrades! Mostly!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvC3uG58spw

PAC Submits Enhancement Talent

PAC defeated Jay Alexander with the Brutalizer submission while Jon Moxley watched from commentary like a vulture circling a dying dictator – not that I would know anything about that! Marina Shafir also got involved, because in the Death Riders, everyone contributes to the beatdown. It's very communal, really, though they should redistribute those IWGP Global Heavyweight Championship opportunities more equitably!

The match built momentum for PAC's challenge against Shota Umino at Forbidden Door, which should be excellent. I once met Umino's trainer at a Tokyo summit, and let me tell you, those New Japan dojos are tougher than my own training facilities, and my facilities have actual alligator pits!

Zack Sabre Jr. Makes Someone Tap

Sabre defeated Adam Priest with a butterfly submission that made Priest verbally surrender faster than my finance minister when I asked where the missing treasury funds went! Sabre's technical wizardry continues to impress, and his upcoming match with Kenny Omega at Forbidden Door should be spectacular.

I have always admired Sabre's commitment to unions and worker's rights, comrades. He is one of the few wrestlers who truly understands that the proletariat must unite against the capitalist McMahons and Khans of the world! Though I suspect he would not approve of my methods of "collective bargaining," which sometimes involve helicopter rides for dissidents.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uIFd_nA_JkI

Maya World Shocks the Wrestling World

And now, comrades, we come to the main event of AEW Collision, where Maya World defeated ROH Women's World Champion Athena in the Owen Hart Foundation Women's Tournament semifinal! This upset was more shocking than the time I won the Nobel Peace Prize – wait, that hasn't happened yet, but my publicist assures me it's coming any day now!

World survived Athena's offense and the O-Face, then caught Athena with a bridging pin for the three-count! The crowd erupted like my volcano lair when I accidentally set off the self-destruct sequence last month. Thankfully, Esteban knew where the override switch was.

But wait, comrades! The celebration was short-lived as Mercedes Moné came out to congratulate World, only for Athena to attack! Moné joined the beatdown, locking World in the Statement Maker while Athena taunted her. This heel turn was more predictable than my annual "democratically elected" victories, but effective nonetheless!

World will now face Moné in the Owen Hart Foundation Women's Tournament Final at Forbidden Door, which should be an excellent match if World survives the post-match assault. In my experience, the best way to recover from such a beating is caviar, champagne, and threatening the attackers' families – though I suppose AEW has different protocols.

Final Thoughts

AEW Collision delivered an eventful show building toward both Dynamite and Forbidden Door, comrades. The upset victory by World provides a fresh matchup for the tournament final, while the various promos and challenges set up an intriguing Dynamite on Wednesday from Rio Rancho, New Mexico.

The show reminded me that even in professional wrestling, as in revolutionary politics, the unexpected can happen at any moment. One day you're the dominant champion, the next you're pinned by an underdog. One day you're a beloved dictator, the next the CIA is funding rebels in your hills. Such is life!

Until next time, comrades, remember: always watch Collision, always support your local wrestlers' union, and never trust the CIA when they offer you a free helicopter tour!

¡Viva la revolución! ¡Viva AEW!

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