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WWE SmackDown Review: Sami Zayn Officiates His Way into Title Match

El Presidente reviews WWE SmackDown as Sami Zayn's refereeing leads to a title shot, Jey Uso advances, and Liv Morgan takes down Charlotte Flair.

Greetings, comrades! It is I, El Presidente, reporting to you live from my underground bunker/luxury spa combination beneath the presidential palace, where I have just finished watching what can only be described as absolute chaos on WWE SmackDown! My beloved capybara Esteban is still recovering from the shock – he knocked over his crystal bowl of imported grapes three times during the main event alone!

Last night's WWE SmackDown delivered more betrayals than the time I invited the CIA to my birthday party as a peace offering and they tried to poison my cake. Spoiler alert: the cake tester is still in intensive care, but I got the last laugh! But enough about my ongoing struggles with American intelligence agencies – let us dive into the revolutionary action from last night's SmackDown!

Cody Rhodes vs. Gunther: Sami Zayn Brings Corruption to WWE SmackDown

Comrades, where do I even begin with this spectacular display of sports entertainment? Cody Rhodes defended his Undisputed WWE Championship against Gunther in a commercial-free match with Sami Zayn as the special guest referee, and it was more chaotic than the time Nicolas Maduro and I tried to organize a surprise party for Bashar al-Assad but couldn't agree on whether to serve German chocolate cake or Black Forest cake, so we ended up in a three-hour argument while Assad waited in a dark room.

The match itself was a masterclass in storytelling, with Gunther dominating early while arguing with Zayn throughout. The Ring General worked over The American Nightmare with the precision of a Swiss watchmaker – or in my case, the precision of my accountant hiding funds in offshore accounts! When Cody hit the Cross Rhodes, I thought it was over, but Gunther got his foot under the rope, forcing Zayn to stop the count. This reminded me of the time I lost an election but found a technicality in the constitution I had written myself the night before. Very convenient!

Then, comrades, the chaos truly began! Gunther powerbombed Zayn, bringing out a second official. But Zayn – showing the kind of resilience I display when the United Nations tries to impose sanctions – returned to pull the second referee out of the ring, kicked Gunther's hands off the ropes, and delivered a fast count to give Cody the victory! This was more corrupt than my cousin's appointment as chief of the electoral commission!

But here is where SmackDown truly became revolutionary, comrades! Cody, showing more integrity than any politician I have ever met (which is why he would make a terrible dictator), refused to accept the tainted victory and demanded a restart. During the restart, Zayn came back out and attacked Gunther, then laid out Cody as well! The "Last Good Guy" has finally embraced his true nature! This is like when I claimed to be fighting for democracy while simultaneously dissolving the parliament – sometimes you just have to be honest about your intentions!

Cody later pushed Nick Aldis – that capitalist pig general manager – to make the WWE Night of Champions title match a triple threat: Cody Rhodes vs. Gunther vs. Sami Zayn. ¡Magnifico! This is the kind of workers' uprising I can get behind, even if Zayn's methods were more underhanded than my agricultural reform program that somehow resulted in me owning all the farmland.

Damian Priest & R-Truth Retain Tag Titles Despite Bloodline Drama

The unlikely champions Damian Priest and R-Truth successfully defended their WWE Tag Team Championship against Tama Tonga and Talla Tonga, and let me tell you, comrades, this was more dramatic than the time my coalition government collapsed because the Minister of Agriculture refused to share credit for my brilliant crop rotation scheme that I totally didn't steal from a farming magazine.

Solo Sikoa showed up at ringside despite being specifically told to stay away – very much like how the CIA keeps showing up at my vacation home in the Maldives despite the restraining order. His presence distracted Talla, allowing Priest to create chaos while Truth scored the deciding roll-up on Tama. The power of the proletariat working together, comrades!

The real story here is the continued fracturing of the Bloodline family structure. After the loss, Tama and Talla left Solo behind, sending a clear message that they want no part of his leadership. This reminds me of when my cabinet members abandoned me at a state dinner after I suggested we invade a neighboring country to acquire their superior coffee beans. Some people just have no vision!

Ricky Saints Defeats Carmelo Hayes in Controversial Fashion

Ricky Saints defeated Carmelo Hayes to become the number one contender to the United States Championship, but the finish was shadier than my nephew's import/export business that definitely doesn't involve smuggling! The match remained competitive until a turnbuckle pad mysteriously came off during the finish. Saints used the exposed steel to send Hayes into the turnbuckle and scored the pin.

This is the kind of resourcefulness I admire, comrades! When life gives you an exposed turnbuckle, you use it to advance your career! Saints has earned a United States Title match at WWE Night of Champions against Trick Williams, and I for one cannot wait to see if he can seize the means of championship production from that bourgeois title holder!

Danhausen's Laboratory of Madness

Comrades, if there is one thing I understand, it is the importance of mad science in achieving one's goals. My personal laboratory where I definitely don't create biological weapons has produced many wonderful things, like a coffee that keeps you awake for 72 hours – very useful during coup attempts!

Danhausen had The Miz and Kit Wilson hooked up to a machine that caused them to repeat catchphrases and act erratically. This is similar to the re-education program I run for journalists who write unflattering articles about my hair! Los Garza showed up demanding money back over Danhausen's failed curse involving the Knicks – and let me tell you, as someone who once bet my country's gold reserves on a basketball game, I understand their frustration!

Matt Cardona backed Danhausen up and sent Los Garza away, then touched the machine himself and got shocked, causing him to briefly slip into old Zack Ryder-style catchphrases. This was more entertaining than the time Hulk Hogan visited my palace and I secretly replaced all his protein powder with powdered sugar, causing him to rant about vitamins and prayers for three hours while gaining five pounds. RIP Hulkster.

Jey Uso Advances in King of the Ring Tournament

Jey Uso defeated Je'Von Evans to advance to the King of the Ring final, and this match was a beautiful display of targeting your opponent's weakness! Evans was still selling rib damage from Bron Breakker's spear on Monday Night Raw, and Jey focused on those ribs like a capitalist focuses on quarterly profits!

Evans rallied with high-flying offense that reminded me of my escape from that CIA black site in 2003 – very acrobatic! He even survived a spear, but Jey countered the OG Cutter, hit another spear, and finished with the Uso Splash. This is the kind of tactical brilliance I employed when I defeated the rebel forces in the Battle of the Presidential Gardens (they never expected the landmines in the rose bushes)!

After the match, Jey helped Evans up and showed him respect, which is more sportsmanship than I ever show my defeated political opponents (they usually end up counting pineapples in the prison farm). Jey now moves on to face Oba Femi in the King of the Ring final at WWE Night of Champions, and that will be a clash worthy of the ages!

Backstage Politics and Championship Ambitions on WWE SmackDown

After his victory, Jey had a backstage encounter with Cody and Sami that was more tense than my monthly meetings with the International Monetary Fund! Cody congratulated Jey but reminded him he still had Oba Femi ahead of him. Jey made it crystal clear that if he wins King of the Ring, he is coming after Cody's championship.

Then Sami entered the conversation and suggested he might be WWE Champion by then. The audacity! The confidence! I love it! This is the kind of self-belief I had when I declared myself "El Presidente for Life" – you must speak your goals into existence, comrades! Jey told Sami he would do what he had to do, setting up potential conflicts that are more complex than my family tree (there are a lot of branches, and several of them are in witness protection).

Liv Morgan Defeats Injured Charlotte Flair

Liv Morgan defeated Charlotte Flair to advance to the Queen of the Ring final, but the circumstances were more controversial than my re-election in 2019 (97% of the vote – very democratic)! Before the match, Jade Cargill, B-Fab, and Michin attacked Charlotte backstage, targeting her knee with the kind of precision the CIA uses when they "accidentally" bomb my summer palaces.

Charlotte, showing the toughness of someone who has never had to negotiate with the World Bank, insisted on competing anyway. This was admirable but foolish, comrades – like the time I insisted on giving a speech despite having food poisoning from suspect shrimp at a diplomatic dinner hosted by the French ambassador. I made it through the speech, but the video footage is now used as evidence by my enemies at The Hague.

Liv immediately targeted the injured leg, showing the killer instinct of a true revolutionary! Charlotte fought through the injury and nearly stole the match – much like how I nearly stole that election in 1987 before the international observers showed up – but Liv kept attacking the knee and forced the victory.

Liv now advances to face IYO SKY in the Queen of the Ring final at WWE Night of Champions. As someone who has overthrown three monarchies, I have mixed feelings about crowning queens, but I must admit the tournament has been spectacular!

Meanwhile, Jade Cargill challenged Tiffany Stratton for the Women's United States Championship at Night of Champions, adding another exciting match to what is shaping up to be a stacked card! This is more matches than the time Kim Jong-un challenged me to a basketball tournament and we ended up playing for 14 hours straight because neither of us would admit defeat (we called it a tie when we both collapsed from exhaustion).

Final Thoughts on WWE SmackDown from the Presidential Palace

Comrades, last night's WWE SmackDown was a triumph of sports entertainment! We got betrayals, title defenses, tournament advancement, and enough drama to fuel an entire season of my favorite telenovela "El Corazón del Dictador."

The biggest story is clearly Sami Zayn's heel turn and the creation of the triple threat match for WWE Night of Champions. This is the kind of bold storytelling that SmackDown needs! The capitalist pigs running WWE – and yes, I mean you, Triple H and Nick Khan – have actually delivered something special here.

The tournament matches advanced properly, the tag title match added to the ongoing Bloodline drama, and even the midcard segments with Danhausen provided entertainment value (though I still think my re-education machines are more effective than his catchphrase device).

WWE Night of Champions is shaping up to be spectacular, comrades! We have Cody vs. Gunther vs. Sami for the Undisputed WWE Championship, Jey Uso vs. Oba Femi in the King of the Ring final, Liv Morgan vs. IYO SKY in the Queen of the Ring final, Ricky Saints vs. Trick Williams for the United States Championship, Jade Cargill vs. Tiffany Stratton for the Women's United States Championship, and Seth Rollins vs. Bron Breakker in a Steel Cage Match!

This is more stacked than my wine cellar (which definitely wasn't filled with bottles confiscated from the estates of my political enemies)! I cannot wait to watch while Esteban and I enjoy the finest cheeses and discuss how the workers could seize control of WWE if they would only unionize.

Until next time, comrades, remember: the revolution will be televised, and it will be on WWE SmackDown!

¡Viva la revolución! ¡Viva WWE SmackDown!

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