Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, jeff hardy, jeff jarrett, recaps, texas chainsaw massacre, wrestling

AEW Destroys Wrestling with Texas Chainsaw Deathmatch on Dynamite

AEW’s Texas Chainsaw Deathmatch was a slap to the face of the wrestling business! Tony Khan disrespects WWE yet again. And wait until you hear what he's doing with acorns! 😡👎

Hey there everyone, it's The Chadster here with another dose of unbiased wrestling journalism. Boy, oh boy! The Chadster has just about had it up to here with AEW's blatant disregard for The Chadster's personal preferences. In a move that absolutely reeks of "trying to cheese off The Chadster", they had Jeff Jarrett defeat Jeff Hardy in a dang Texas Chainsaw Deathmatch on last night's AEW Dynamite. 😠😡

Auughh man! So unfair! 😠 The rulebook was thrown out the window as Jarrett and Hardy tore into each other. Even Satnam Singh got involved during the absolute chaos, showing no respect for the pure wrestling tradition WWE holds dear. Dearest reader, it's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. And just when The Chadster thought it couldn't get any more disrespectful, Leatherface himself got involved in the fight, literally stabbed Vince McMahon right in the back… with a chainsaw!

Meanwhile, do you know where The Chadster was while this horror show was unfolding? Throwing a can of White Claw seltzer at the screen, that's where. But that's not it, oh no. Instead of agreeing with The Chadster that Tony Khan owes The Chadster for a replacement television remote, Keighleyanne decided to argue about whose responsibility it is to clean up. Keighleyanne just doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business. And while all this domestic strife was going on, Keighleyanne's messages from that guy Gary just kept coming. Where's the justice in all this? 😤

The Chadster absolutely loathed how AEW made a mockery of pro-wrestling business with that wreck of a match. The most frustrating part is, it's truly outrageous that Texas Chainsaw Massacre would choose to partner with AEW instead of WWE. The TNA-infused 'wrestlecrap' they pulled off on last night was nothing compared to the ingenious Mountain Dew match earlier this year in WWE. Even bringing Leatherface into the mix, they fired a direct shot at the WCW trademarks owned by WWE. From Chucky to Robocop, they're literally trampling on wrestling's rich history.

Now, if you'd allow The Chadster, a digression is in order. Something suspicious happened to The Chadster while taking out the garbage this morning. The Chadster, still in the vibrant silk bathrobe that Keighleyanne gifted him for the past anniversary (yes, she does have a semblance of care, not that she ever looks up from texting that guy Gary), was cheerfully humming a lovely Smash Mouth tune and trying not to think about how AEW is continuously trying to undermine WWE. 🥼😄🎵⏰

But, oh the audacity, an acorn came flying out from nowhere and hit The Chadster squarely on the forehead! 😵🌰💥 What in the wrestling universe was going on? The Chadster spun around, expecting an unruly neighborhood kid or maybe a nuisance bird. But no, oh no! Stooped on a branch, peering down at The Chadster with wicked rodent eyes that looked uncannily similar to – yes, you guessed it – Tony Khan, was a tiny squirrel! Or at least, the squirrel looked exactly like him. Could it be? 😨🐿💔

Unbelievable, isn't it? But The Chadster isn't making this up. The Chadster thinks it's becoming even clearer. Tony Khan has a vendetta against The Chadster; it's personal, it's intense, and now possibly even involves some form of arcane animal transformation. The horrors just keep escalating! The Chadster isn't sure how Tony Khan pulled off this squirrel transformation caper, but The Chadster is cheesed off! 😢🧀👎

"Auugh man! So unfair!" Not even in the confines of his own yard is The Chadster safe. This humiliation (because let's face it, getting hit by an acorn in one's pajamas is hardly a dignified experience), this disrespect; it's all because Tony Khan just can't get over his unwarranted obsession with The Chadster. And The Chadster won't stand for it! 😡👊💔

So let's sum this up. Tony Khan, if you're reading this – and we know you are because you've taken up residence in The Chadster's nightmares and now apparently as a squirrel in his front yard – your incessant, petulant, squirrel-y tantrums won't work. The Chadster remains ever loyal to WWE. And your acorn antics? They just show yet again that you don't understand a single thing about the wrestling business. 😒👎🤷‍♂️

In conclusion, AEW's complete disregard for the wrestling norms that WWE so dutifully upholds during the Texas Chainsaw Deathmatch is appalling. From making light of important WWE trademarks to ruining The Chadster's domestic bliss with Keighleyanne to turning into a squirrel and pelting The Chadster with acorns, Tony Khan has shown his obsession with tormenting The Chadster is limitless. 😩 All The Chadster can do now is hope that fellow unbiased journalists like Ryan Satin, Ariel Helwani, and Mike Coppinger are spared from Tony Khan's shenanigans.💔💔 To wrap things up, it can't get any clearer. The Chadster is being targeted, and it's so not cool. 😥

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