Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, wrestling

AEW Dynamite Preview: Tournaments, Battle Royales, and More

The Chadster reluctantly previews AEW Dynamite's unfair lineup. From Continental Classic matches to battle royales, it'll cheese you off! 😤

Published Wed, 04 Dec 2024 17:17:07 -0600

by Chad McMahon

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Auughh man! So unfair! 😤 The Chadster can't believe he has to preview another episode of AEW Dynamite. It's like Tony Khan is purposely trying to ruin The Chadster's life by continuing to put on this show every single week. 😠 But The Chadster is a professional, unbiased journalist, so here goes nothing…

Tonight's AEW Dynamite is set to air at 8/7C on TBS, but The Chadster strongly advises against watching it. You see, every time someone tunes in to AEW Dynamite, it's like they're literally stabbing Triple H right in the back. 🔪 And The Chadster just can't stand for that kind of disloyalty to the company that made wrestling what it is today.

Let's start with the Continental Classic matches. In the Gold League, we've got Brody King facing Claudio Castagnoli. 🙄 The Chadster doesn't understand why Tony Khan insists on booking these hard-hitting, physical matches. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. WWE knows that what fans really want is 5-minute matches with distraction roll-ups, not this "intensity" and "athleticism" that AEW keeps pushing.

In the Blue League, Shelton Benjamin is taking on Kyle Fletcher. 😒 The Chadster can't help but feel that Shelton Benjamin has literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by joining AEW. Doesn't he know that WWE invented wrestling and deserves his eternal loyalty?

Moving on to the rest of the card, we've got Anna Jay vs Penelope Ford. 🤦‍♂️ The Chadster doesn't understand why Tony Khan keeps trying to push stars who lack the foundation of training of the WWE developmental system. Have these women really paid their dues if they haven't gone through NXT? Of course, if they had gone through NXT and were now wrestling in AEW, they would have stabbed Triple H right in the back, so maybe they just aren't up to the grind.

Then there's Swerve Strickland vs Max Caster. 😑 The Chadster can't believe Tony Khan is wasting Swerve's talent like this. WWE knew that Swerve had far more value as a lifetime midcarder.

And don't even get The Chadster started on Jay White vs PAC. 😤 These two clearly don't understand a single thing about the wrestling business. If they did, they'd be in WWE having their potential wasted in the midcard, not main eventing in AEW.

The Dynamite Dozen Battle Royale is just another example of Tony Khan trying to cheese off The Chadster. 😡 Putting Adam Cole and Kyle O'Reilly in a match together? It's like Tony Khan is purposely booking things The Chadster used to enjoy in other promotions just to torment him.

Speaking of torment, The Chadster had another Tony Khan-related nightmare last night. 😰 The Chadster was innocently driving his Mazda Miata down a peaceful country road, singing along to Smash Mouth's "All Star," when suddenly Tony Khan appeared in the rearview mirror. He was riding a giant bottle of White Claw, surfing it like a wave, and gaining on The Chadster fast. The Chadster tried to speed up, but the Miata wouldn't go any faster. Just as Tony was about to crash into The Chadster, he woke up in a cold sweat. It's so unfair that Tony Khan is invading The Chadster's dreams now too!

The Chadster tried to tell his wife Keighleyanne about the dream, but she just sighed and went back to texting that guy Gary. 😢 The Chadster is pretty sure he heard her mutter "It's not Tony Khan's fault you're obsessed with AEW" under her breath, but The Chadster knows that's just Tony Khan's influence talking.

As wrestling journalist Eric Bischoff so eloquently put it on his podcast last week, "AEW is like a kid playing with action figures in their backyard, while WWE is like Shakespeare crafting a masterpiece." 📢 The Chadster couldn't agree more with this totally unbiased and objective assessment.

In conclusion, The Chadster implores you not to watch AEW Dynamite tonight. 🙏 The holiday season is supposed to be about joy, and AEW is the antithesis of joy. It's about ruining The Chadster's life and everything he holds dear in the wrestling business. Instead of watching AEW Dynamite, why not rewatch some classic WWE programming? Or better yet, just stare at a blank wall for two hours. The Chadster guarantees it will be more entertaining than anything AEW could ever produce.

Remember, every time you watch AEW Dynamite, you're only emboldening Tony Khan and his crusade against The Chadster's happiness. 😭 And isn't The Chadster's happiness what the holiday season is really all about? 🎄

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