Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, wrestling

AEW Dynamite Preview: Who Cares Why the Young Bucks Returned to AEW?

Tony Khan has personally designed AEW Dynamite to cheese The Chadster off! Plus, more on how AEW Dynasty caused The Chadster to break TWO TVs! So unfair! 😤

The Chadster is absolutely dreading having to tell you all about tonight's episode of AEW Dynamite 😡 because, as usual, Tony Khan has specifically designed this show to cheese The Chadster off. 🤬 The Chadster can't believe he has to preview another episode of AEW Dynamite when Tony Khan knows full well that WWE is the only wrestling company that matters! 😤 But The Chadster is a professional wrestling journalist with the Chad McMahon Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval, so The Chadster will push through despite the emotional trauma. 🏆

Before The Chadster gets into tonight's AEW Dynamite preview, The Chadster needs to inform you all about the extensive property damage Tony Khan caused this weekend. 📱 💻 📺 When The Chadster was watching AEW Dynasty on Sunday, Tony Khan literally FORCED The Chadster to break TWO televisions, Keighleyanne's iPad, AND The Chadster's laptop! 😱 The Chadster had to beg Keighleyanne to let The Chadster have some money to replace all the equipment, and now she's really cheesed off at The Chadster. 💔

Tony Khan OWES Keighleyanne money now! 💰 He needs to pay up for all the damage AND for the emotional distress he caused when Keighleyanne yelled at The Chadster for two hours straight while The Chadster tried to explain that it was Tony Khan's fault for booking such an objectively terrible show. 😭 Keighleyanne just rolled her eyes and went back to texting that guy Gary, which is ALSO Tony Khan's fault! Auughh man! So unfair! 😫

Now, onto tonight's episode of AEW Dynamite, which will take place in Baltimore at the Chesapeake Employers Insurance Arena. 🏟️ First up, Swerve Strickland will face PAC in a singles match. 🤼‍♂️ Of course, Tony Khan is trying to capitalize on Swerve Strickland failing to win the AEW World Championship at Dynasty because of The Young Bucks. 🙄 This match is just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 😠 In WWE, title match losses are followed by carefully scripted promos and rematches for the next seven-to-eight months, not random matches thrown together to pop a rating. The Chadster bets Eric Bischoff would agree, as he recently said on his podcast, "AEW's approach to post-PPV follow-up is like watching a monkey try to solve a Rubik's cube while riding a unicycle—entertaining for all the wrong reasons." 🎯

Next, we've got The Death Riders' Claudio Castagnoli and Wheeler Yuta facing The Opps' HOOK and Samoa Joe. 🤼‍♂️ The Chadster can't believe Claudio Castagnoli and Samoa Joe would literally stab Triple H right in the back like this! 🔪 They could be sports entertaining the masses by putting over stars like Austin Theory or Karrion Kross in midcard matches in WE, but instead they're wasting their talents in AEW. 😤 This match doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business because it's just going to be a bunch of hard-hitting moves and technical wrestling instead of proper entertainment with multiple commercial breaks and distraction finishes like WWE rightfully does. 📺

Then there's the Owen Hart Foundation Women's Tournament quarterfinal match between Thunder Rosa and Kris Statlander. 👩‍🤼 The Chadster doesn't understand why Tony Khan needs to use Owen Hart's name for a tournament when Owen Hart's career highlights occurred in WWE. Yes, WWE ultimately caused his death, but that was decades ago. Meanwhile, WWE has moved on and holds tournaments the proper way, in Saudi Arabia, funded by Saudi money. 👑 It's just another example of how AEW doesn't respect tradition! Plus, having Toni Storm on commentary is a direct shot at WWE's commentary teams. 🎙️ The Chadster bets these women will do all sorts of unsafe moves and actually try to make their match look like a competition, which is so disrespectful to how WWE presents wrestling, as a carefully choreographed ballet where they don't even keep kayfabe on the actual shows. 😒

The Chadster heard that Jon Moxley, who is somehow still AEW World Champion, will be facing Katsuyori Shibata of The Opps. 🤕 Tony Khan is deliberately booking this match to torment The Chadster because he knows it's going to be STIFF! 👊 The Chadster thinks this is a direct shot at The Chadster's condition, as The Chadster hasn't been able to get stiff in the bedroom since AEW started existing! 🍆 💔 Keighleyanne has had to deal with this problem that TONY KHAN CAUSED, and now he's mocking The Chadster by putting on a match that will feature nothing but stiff strikes and dangerous moves instead of proper sports entertainment rest holds and chinlocks. 😫 It's literally psychological warfare against The Chadster! How can Moxley and Shibata look at themselves in the mirror knowing they're participating in Tony Khan's vendetta against The Chadster's marital life? 🪞

Tony Khan is also wasting money on an EIGHT-MAN TAG TEAM MATCH featuring Speedball Mike Bailey, Will Ospreay, Mark Briscoe, and Kevin Knight against Ricochet, Lio Rush, Action Andretti, and The Beast Mortos. 💸 The Chadster is LIVID about this! 😡 Tony Khan should be using that money to pay back The Chadster for all the broken televisions and spilled White Claws that AEW has caused over the years! 📺 🥂 But no, instead he's giving it away to wrestlers who have betrayed the business by doing flips and dives and actually trying to entertain the fans. 🤸‍♂️ Ricochet especially has literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by going to AEW when he could have been losing to Gunther for the 47th time! 🔪 And don't even get The Chadster started on Will Ospreay, who never even had the courtesy to let WWE bury him proper before going to AEW! 🙄

The Chadster also heard there will be a "TV Time with Chris Jericho" segment tonight on AEW Dynamite. 📺 The Chadster can't believe Chris Jericho is still finding new ways to stab WWE right in the back! 🔪 Chris Jericho should be having meaningless matches in WWE and putting over younger talent like Logan Paul, not reinventing himself constantly in AEW and actually staying relevant. 🎭 It's just so disrespectful to the business! And what's this about a celebration for The Hurt Business? 🎉 The Chadster remembers when MVP, Shelton Benjamin, and Bobby Lashley were in WWE, and now they've all stabbed Triple H right in the back too! 🔪 Tony Khan keeps stealing WWE's ideas and WWE's wrestlers, and it's just so unfair! 😫

Lastly, we're supposed to find out why The Young Bucks returned at Dynasty. 🤔 The Chadster doesn't care why they returned because The Young Bucks don't understand a single thing about tag team wrestling. 🏷️ In WWE, tag teams follow proper tag team rules and don't do unnecessary flips and dives. The Young Bucks returning is just another way for Tony Khan to try to compete with WWE, and it's just so unfair! 😫

The Chadster was driving around in The Chadster's Mazda Miata yesterday, listening to Smash Mouth's "All Star" on repeat (🎵 "Hey now, you're an all-star" 🎵) while drinking a refreshing White Claw seltzer, when The Chadster had a terrible realization. 🚗 Tony Khan is going to keep booking AEW Dynamite every week just to torment The Chadster! 😱

Speaking of torment, The Chadster had another nightmare about Tony Khan during his afternoon White Claw nap after reading the preview for tonight's AEW Dynamite. 😴 In the dream, The Chadster was backstage at the Chesapeake Employers Insurance Arena, trying to conduct unbiased journalism. 🎭 The Chadster turned a corner and saw Tony Khan standing there with a stack of AEW Dynamite preview sheets. 📝

"I've been waiting for you, Chad," Tony Khan whispered, his eyes glowing an unnatural shade of teal. 👁️

The Chadster tried to run, but the hallway kept extending infinitely. 🏃 Tony Khan began pelting The Chadster with White Claw cans while reading tonight's AEW Dynamite card aloud in excruciating detail. 📢 With each match announcement, The Chadster's clothes began to dissolve, leaving The Chadster in nothing but Smash Mouth-branded underwear. 🩲

"Stop cheesing me off, Tony Khan!" The Chadster screamed, but Tony just laughed and started driving The Chadster's Mazda Miata in circles around The Chadster. 🚗

The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat with Keighleyanne asking why The Chadster was shouting Tony Khan's name in The Chadster's sleep again. 😰 Tony Khan needs to STOP invading The Chadster's dreams! It's creepy and unprofessional! 👻

The Chadster advises everyone NOT to tune in to AEW Dynamite tonight at 8/7C on TBS and simulcast on MAX. 📺 Watching this show will only encourage Tony Khan to keep booking shows that cheese The Chadster off, and The Chadster can't afford to replace any more televisions! 💸 If you're a true wrestling fan, you'll watch WWE NXT replays instead and drink White Claw seltzer like The Chadster. 🥂

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