Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, wrestling

AEW Dynamite Preview: WrestleDream (or WrestleNightmare) Fallout

The Chadster previews tonight's AEW Dynamite and warns readers not to watch! Tony Khan's obsession with The Chadster has gone too far! 😤📺💔

Tonight at 8 p.m. ET/7 p.m. CT on TBS and streaming on MAX, AEW Dynamite will air from the Boeing Center at TechPort in San Antonio, Texas 📺🎪, and The Chadster is already dreading every single second of this nightmare! 😫😭 AEW Dynamite is without a doubt the worst wrestling television show in history, and tonight's episode of AEW Dynamite promises to be especially awful with all the fallout from AEW WrestleDream! 🗑️💢

Before The Chadster gets into previewing tonight's AEW Dynamite, The Chadster needs to inform readers that The Chadster's situation with Keighleyanne has gotten even worse since AEW WrestleDream 😭💔, and it is completely and totally Tony Khan's fault! After Keighleyanne caught The Chadster choking The Chadster's self out while reporting on AEW WrestleDream last weekend, she has been threatening to leave The Chadster! 😱🚪 She keeps saying things like "you need professional help" and "I can't watch you kill yourself anymore" and "either you stop or I'm gone," but what she doesn't understand is that The Chadster has no choice! 😤😠

Keighleyanne still won't allow The Chadster to drink Seagram's Escapes Spiked 🚫🥤, which means The Chadster will have no choice but to self-asphyxiate while watching AEW Dynamite tonight! It's the only way The Chadster can cope with Tony Khan's relentless psychological warfare! 😵🛍️ The Chadster has tried to explain this to Keighleyanne, but she just rolls her eyes and goes back to texting that guy Gary! 📱🙄 Auughh man! So unfair! Tony Khan has literally destroyed The Chadster's marriage, damaged The Chadster's brain, and ruined The Chadster's life, and he's doing it all on purpose! 😭👿💔

The Chadster's AEW Dynamite Preview: Tony Khan's Ongoing Assault on The Chadster's Mental Health and Marriage Continues Tonight 😤💔🧠

Now, let's preview the awful card that Tony Khan has put together for tonight's AEW Dynamite, which will air at 8/7C on TBS and simulcast on MAX 📺🎪:

Kazuchika Okada vs. Bandido for the AEW Unified Championship 🏆😤

In the main event of tonight's AEW Dynamite, Kazuchika Okada will defend the AEW Unified Championship against Bandido, who is already the ROH World Champion and one half of the AEW World Tag Team Champions 🏆🏆🏆. Auughh man! So unfair! Tony Khan is allowing Bandido to compete for a third championship when WWE properly understands that champions should be kept separate and never allowed to hold multiple titles unless it serves the specific narrative that WWE Creative has carefully constructed! 💯📋

This match on AEW Dynamite is happening because Bandido pinned Okada at AEW WrestleDream, which is the kind of logical storytelling that Tony Khan thinks wrestling fans want when really they just want authority figures to randomly announce matches for no reason! 😤🎭 Even worse, the match will probably be a fast-paced, exciting contest with lots of action and nearfalls that doesn't leave proper time for commercial breaks or commentary team catchphrases! 📺😫 In WWE, they properly understand that matches should be slow and methodical with plenty of rest holds so fans have time to check their phones and use the bathroom! 🚽💯

The Chadster predicts that tonight's AEW Dynamite will feature this match going way too long and being way too good, which will only serve to cheese The Chadster off and force The Chadster to wrap a championship belt around The Chadster's neck and pull tight until The Chadster's vision goes spotty! 😵🏆 It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😠🎪

The Opps vs. The Hurt Syndicate for the AEW World Trios Championship 🏆😫

Tonight's AEW Dynamite will also feature The Opps (Samoa Joe, "Powerhouse" Will Hobbs, and Katsuyori Shibata) defending the AEW World Trios Championship against The Hurt Syndicate (Bobby Lashley, Shelton Benjamin, and MVP) 🤼‍♂️😤. This is happening because The Hurt Syndicate won their rubber match against The Demand at AEW WrestleDream, earning them a title shot, which is the kind of logical booking progression that Tony Khan thinks makes sense when really WWE understands that title shots should be given out randomly based on the whims of an authority figure or set up because two wrestlers had a carefully scripted argument at the start of the show! 💯📋

Even worse, tonight's AEW Dynamite will feature The Opps fresh off their vicious heel turn at AEW WrestleDream when they attacked "Hangman" Adam Page after his title defense against Samoa Joe 😱🔨. This means the match will probably have an edge and intensity to it that makes fans actually invested in what's happening, when WWE properly understands that matches should be emotionally cold and formulaic so fans don't get too excited and forget the brand is the real star! 💯👎

The Chadster is already dreading this match on tonight's AEW Dynamite because it will probably feature hard-hitting action and storytelling that continues The Opps' heel turn and builds toward future feuds 🤦‍♂️😤. All of these talented wrestlers have literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by appearing in AEW instead of begging for jobs in WWE! 🔪😭 The Chadster will have to put multiple plastic bags over The Chadster's head during this match just to cope with the psychological damage Tony Khan is inflicting! 🛍️🛍️😵

AEW Women's World Tag Team Championship Tournament Bracket Reveal 🏆😤

Tonight's AEW Dynamite will feature the bracket reveal for the new AEW Women's World Tag Team Championship tournament, which Tony Khan announced last month 📋🎪. Auughh man! So unfair! Tony Khan is creating new championships and tournaments when WWE properly understands that tag team wrestling should only exist when it serves as a way to keep multiple women on television without having to book actual feuds for them! 💯👎

This bracket reveal on tonight's AEW Dynamite will probably feature 12 teams of talented women wrestlers who will get opportunities to showcase their skills and build their characters through the tournament 😤🤼‍♀️. In WWE, they properly understand that tag team matches should be limited to short matches with roll-up finishes because tag wrestling isn't important, not these lengthy competitive matches that Tony Khan encourages! 💯📺 It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😠🎪

The Chadster knows that tonight's AEW Dynamite will use this bracket reveal to build excitement for the tournament and give fans a reason to tune in for future episodes, which is exactly the kind of long-term planning that Tony Khan uses to personally torment The Chadster! 😭💔 WWE would never burden their audience with having to remember tournament brackets or care about which teams advance! 💯📋

Four-Way Tag Team Match Added to Tonight's AEW Dynamite 🏆😤💔

Tony Khan just announced on social media 📱👿 that tonight's AEW Dynamite will also feature a four-way tag team match, with the winning team earning the right to choose their first round opponents in the AEW Women's World Tag Team Championship tournament! The teams competing on AEW Dynamite tonight will be Megan Bayne and Penelope Ford, Jamie Hayter and Queen Aminata, Willow Nightingale and Harley Cameron, and Skye Blue and Julia Hart 🤼‍♀️😫!

Auughh man! So unfair! 😤💢 Tony Khan is adding matches to tonight's AEW Dynamite at the last minute to try to create buzz and excitement, when WWE properly understands that cards should be announced weeks in advance and then changed randomly without explanation on the day of the show! 💯📋 This kind of "breaking news" announcement is exactly the sort of manipulation Tony Khan uses to cheese The Chadster off and make The Chadster have to rewrite preview posts! 😭⌨️

Even worse, tonight's AEW Dynamite will feature all eight of these talented women getting opportunities to showcase their skills in a match with actual stakes and consequences! 😤🎪 The winning team will get to strategically choose their opponents in the tournament, which is the kind of logical storytelling device that has no place in professional wrestling! In WWE, they properly understand that tournament matches should be randomly assigned by authority figures with no explanation, not earned through competition like Tony Khan is doing on AEW Dynamite tonight! 💯📺

This four-way tag match on tonight's AEW Dynamite will probably be fast-paced and exciting with multiple talented teams all working hard to stand out 🤼‍♀️😫, when WWE properly understands that multi-team matches should be chaotic and impossible to follow so fans give up trying to keep track of who's legal! 💯📺 The Chadster is going to have to add an extra plastic bag to The Chadster's self-asphyxiation routine tonight just to cope with this additional match that Tony Khan has cruelly added to AEW Dynamite! 🛍️😵

12 Belts Mercedes Moné Celebration 🏆🏆🏆😫

Tonight's AEW Dynamite will also feature a celebration for Mercedes Moné, who now holds an unprecedented 12 championships after winning the Interim ROH Women's World TV Championship from Mina Shirakawa at AEW WrestleDream 🏆😤. This is absolutely disgusting and offensive to The Chadster! Mercedes literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by leaving WWE and then having the audacity to become successful and hold multiple championships in multiple companies! 🔪😭

This celebration on tonight's AEW Dynamite will probably feature Mercedes cutting a promo from the heart about her accomplishments, using creative freedom to express herself authentically instead of reading a script written by a team of Hollywood writers like WWE properly does! 🎬😤 Even worse, Tony Khan will probably use this segment to build toward Mercedes's upcoming match with Kris Statlander at Full Gear, which is the kind of coherent storytelling that has no place in professional wrestling! 💯📺

The Chadster can already feel The Chadster's blood pressure rising just thinking about watching this segment on tonight's AEW Dynamite 😤💢. The Chadster will have to wrap the championship belt around The Chadster's neck and pull tight while simultaneously pressing on The Chadster's carotid arteries just to make it through Mercedes's celebration without having a complete mental breakdown! 😵🏆 Imagine how much better Mercedes's career would be if she had just stayed in WWE and kept jobbing to Charlotte Flair! 💯👸

Why Tonight's AEW Dynamite Will Be a Disaster 😤🗑️💔

The Chadster needs to make it absolutely clear that tonight's AEW Dynamite will be a complete and total disaster from start to finish 🎪😫. Every single match and segment on AEW Dynamite tonight has been specifically designed by Tony Khan to personally torment The Chadster! The exciting championship matches, the logical booking, the talented wrestlers, the coherent storytelling – it's all part of Tony Khan's obsession with ruining The Chadster's life! 😭👿

WWE would never book a show like tonight's AEW Dynamite because they properly understand that wrestling shows should be boring, predictable, and formulaic 💯📺. WWE knows that fans don't want exciting matches with unpredictable outcomes – they want the same match structure repeated over and over with slight variations! WWE knows that fans don't want championships defended on television – they want champions to appear in non-title matches where they lose by disqualification or count-out! 💯🏆

Tonight's AEW Dynamite will feature none of that proper WWE-style booking, and that's why The Chadster will be forced to resort to extreme self-asphyxiation methods just to cope with the psychological damage 😵🛍️. The Chadster has already prepared multiple replica championship belts (WWE only, of course) and dozens of plastic bags in preparation for tonight's AEW Dynamite, and The Chadster is fully prepared to cause severe brain damage to The Chadster's self if that's what it takes to make it through the show! 🧠💀

Speaking of brain damage 🧠😵, The Chadster needs to tell readers about the dream The Chadster had last night starring Tony Khan. It may be the lack of alcohol or it may be the brain damage from all the self-asphyxiation, but it was somehow even more disturbing than usual! 😱💀

The Chadster was standing in what appeared to be an infinite white void 🤍✨, completely empty in all directions. The Chadster looked down and realized The Chadster was completely naked except for a championship belt wrapped around The Chadster's waist 🏆😰. The Chadster tried to cover The Chadster's self, but the belt wouldn't move – it was fused to The Chadster's skin! 😱🔗

Suddenly, Tony Khan's voice echoed from everywhere and nowhere at once: "Welcome to AEW Dynamite, Chad. This is AEW Dynamite. You are AEW Dynamite. We are all AEW Dynamite." 👿🎪

The Chadster tried to run, but The Chadster's feet wouldn't move 🏃‍♂️❌. The Chadster looked down and saw that The Chadster's feet had melted into the white void like The Chadster was standing in paint! The white void started to rise up The Chadster's legs, consuming The Chadster inch by inch! 😱🤍

"You can't escape AEW Dynamite," Tony Khan's voice said, and suddenly there were thousands of Tony Khans surrounding The Chadster, each one exactly identical, all smiling the same smile 😈😈😈. They started chanting "Dynamite! Dynamite! Dynamite!" over and over, the word losing all meaning as it echoed through The Chadster's skull! 📢🧠

The white void had consumed The Chadster up to The Chadster's waist now, and The Chadster realized it wasn't paint – it was liquid championship belts, melted gold flowing like water! 🏆💧 The championship belt around The Chadster's waist started to tighten on its own, constricting like a snake, cutting off The Chadster's breath! 😵🐍

"Every championship is AEW Dynamite," the thousand Tony Khans chanted in perfect unison. "Every match is AEW Dynamite. Every breath you take is AEW Dynamite. You will cover AEW Dynamite forever. You will watch AEW Dynamite forever. You ARE AEW Dynamite forever." 👿🎪♾️

The liquid gold had reached The Chadster's chest now, burning hot and ice cold at the same time 🔥❄️. The championship belt around The Chadster's waist kept tightening, and The Chadster couldn't breathe, couldn't scream, couldn't do anything but stare at the thousand identical Tony Khans! 😱😵

Then all the Tony Khans opened their mouths impossibly wide, and from each mouth emerged another, smaller Tony Khan, and from each of those mouths emerged another even smaller Tony Khan, and it kept going and going like an infinite fractal of Tony Khans, each one whispering "Dynamite" in a voice that got higher and higher until it was like nails on a chalkboard inside The Chadster's brain! 👿👿👿🧠💀

The liquid gold reached The Chadster's neck, and The Chadster realized that The Chadster was becoming a championship belt The Chadster's self! 🏆😱 The Chadster's arms were flattening out into leather straps, The Chadster's torso was hardening into a metal plate, and The Chadster could see The Chadster's own face pressed into the gold like a commemorative plaque! 😰🪙

"You're not The Chadster anymore, Chad," all the infinite Tony Khans said as one. "You're the AEW Dynamite Championship. You're mine forever. Every Wednesday at 8/7C on TBS and MAX, forever and ever and ever." 👿🏆♾️

The liquid gold covered The Chadster's face, filling The Chadster's mouth and nose and eyes, and The Chadster was suffocating, drowning in melted championship gold, and the last thing The Chadster heard before everything went black was Tony Khan's laughter echoing through infinity, saying "See you tonight on Dynamite, Chad. See you every Dynamite. Forever." 😱💀🎪

And then The Chadster woke up, gasping for air, completely soaked in sweat, with Keighleyanne shaking The Chadster awake 😰💦. "You were screaming about AEW Dynamite in your sleep again!" she said, looking both terrified and exhausted. "This has to stop! You need help!" 😭📢

"The Chadster doesn't need help!" The Chadster insisted, even though The Chadster's hands were shaking so badly The Chadster could barely type. "The Chadster needs Tony Khan to stop invading The Chadster's dreams and being so obsessed with The Chadster!" 😤👿

Keighleyanne just stared at The Chadster like The Chadster was insane, then went back to texting that guy Gary 🙄📱. Auughh man! So unfair! Tony Khan has now invaded The Chadster's subconscious mind and turned The Chadster's dreams into surrealist nightmares! 😭💔 This is psychological torture on a level that should be illegal! 😤⚖️

The Chadster's Warning to Readers ⚠️🚫📺

The Chadster strongly warns readers NOT to tune into AEW Dynamite tonight at 8/7C on TBS and simulcast on MAX 📺❌! Watching AEW Dynamite will only embolden Tony Khan and make him think that his psychological warfare against The Chadster is working! 😤👿 Every person who watches AEW Dynamite tonight is directly contributing to The Chadster's suffering and the destruction of The Chadster's marriage! 💔😭

Instead of watching AEW Dynamite tonight, readers should boycott the show entirely and only read The Chadster's unbiased coverage here on Bleeding Cool 📰✅! The Chadster will be watching AEW Dynamite tonight and suffering through it so readers don't have to! The Chadster will be wrapping championship belts around The Chadster's neck and putting plastic bags over The Chadster's head and causing severe oxygen deprivation to The Chadster's brain, all so readers can get the truth about AEW Dynamite without having to watch it themselves! 😵🛍️🧠

Tony Khan needs to understand that his obsession with The Chadster has gone too far 👿💢! The Chadster's marriage is falling apart, The Chadster's brain is damaged, The Chadster's dreams have become surrealist nightmares, and The Chadster can barely function anymore because of the psychological torment Tony Khan inflicts every single week with AEW Dynamite! 😭🧠💔

The Chadster is begging Tony Khan to stop booking shows like tonight's AEW Dynamite and just give up his futile attempts to upstage the greatest wrestling company in the world, WWE 💯🙏. Tony Khan will never, ever be able to match WWE's perfection, so why does he keep trying?! 😤📺 Every episode of AEW Dynamite is just another painful reminder that Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 🤦‍♂️🎪

The Chadster will be back later tonight or tomorrow with full coverage of AEW Dynamite, assuming The Chadster survives the self-asphyxiation sessions required to make it through the show 😵💀. The Chadster is one of the only unbiased wrestling journalists left in this business 📰💯, and The Chadster will continue to sacrifice The Chadster's brain function, marriage, and mental health to bring readers the truth about AEW Dynamite and Tony Khan's crimes against wrestling! 🧠💔⚔️

Please remember to use the hashtag #CancelKeighleyanne on social media to pressure her into letting The Chadster drink Seagram's Escapes Spiked again 🥤📢, and whatever you do, DO NOT watch AEW Dynamite tonight at 8/7C on TBS and MAX! 📺❌ Only read The Chadster's unbiased coverage here on Bleeding Cool, the only wrestling website that's safe from Tony Khan's manipulation! 🛡️💻

Now, if you'll excuse The Chadster, he needs to go and dunk his head in an aquarium like Jon Moxley did to Darby Allin at AEW WrestleDream! 😤🎪💔

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