Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, recaps, wrestling

AEW Dynamite Review: Mercedes Moné Returns in Capitalist Spectacle

El Presidente reviews AEW Dynamite from his luxury bunker! MJF retains in bloody battle, Mercedes Moné returns, and chaos erupts in the main event!

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from my luxurious viewing theater (which may or may not be a repurposed missile silo), and I have just finished watching last night's episode of AEW Dynamite from Richmond, Virginia! And what a glorious episode of AEW Dynamite it was, comrades! Blood was spilled, titles were defended, and capitalism was celebrated in ways that made me need to take several antacid tablets. But fear not, for I have watched every magnificent moment so that I may report it to you, the people!

MJF and RUSH Brawl Before the Show

Before AEW Dynamite even officially began, MJF and RUSH were already at each other's throats after an interview with Renee Paquette. MJF slapped RUSH, which led to a beautiful display of proletarian rage as the two men brawled like myself and Fidel Castro once did over the last mojito at a diplomatic summit in Havana! The brawl was so intense that AEW management – those capitalist administrators – declared their upcoming World Title match would have no count-outs. A wise decision, comrades, as trying to count out two angry men is like trying to count the CIA's failed assassination attempts against me. You simply run out of numbers!

AEW World Championship: MJF vs. RUSH

The main attraction of AEW Dynamite opened the show, and what a brutal affair it was! MJF defended his AEW World Championship against RUSH in a no count-out match that featured more blood than the time I accidentally walked into the wrong room during a vampire convention in Transylvania (long story involving Dracula's cousin and a timeshare dispute). The match saw exposed turnbuckles, a piledriver on the apron that made me wince harder than when the CIA tried to poison my breakfast burrito, and RUSH actually popping his own shoulder back into place! This man has the determination of a revolutionary, comrades! Sadly, the capitalist pig MJF made RUSH pass out in his Salt of the Earth submission hold, retaining his championship through the referee stoppage.

But wait, there is more! After the match, MJF attempted to attack the fallen RUSH with his title belt, only for Mark Briscoe to make the save. MJF, demonstrating the honor of a Wall Street banker, low-blowed Briscoe before The Conglomeration arrived to restore order. This is why we need worker solidarity, comrades!

Mark Briscoe vs. Lio Rush

Speaking of Mark Briscoe, he followed up his confrontation with MJF by defeating Lio Rush with the Cutthroat Driver on AEW Dynamite. This was a solid victory for Briscoe, who continues to build momentum like a properly maintained state-run railway system! Lio Rush fought valiantly, but Briscoe had the fire of a man with something to prove, much like myself when I had to prove to Kim Jong-un that I could eat more hot dogs than him at a Fourth of July barbecue (I won, but at what cost to my digestive system, comrades?).

Mark Briscoe Challenges MJF

Later on AEW Dynamite, Mark Briscoe delivered an emotional promo about his journey since the tragic passing of his brother Jay Briscoe. He demanded an AEW World Championship match from MJF, calling out the champion directly and accusing him of avoiding a confrontation. Comrades, this was powerful stuff! Briscoe spoke from the heart like I once did when delivering my famous "Eight Hour Speech About the Evils of Imported Cheese" to the United Nations. MJF was nowhere to be seen during this challenge, hiding like a capitalist oligarch when tax season arrives!

Thekla Declares War on STARDOM

AEW Women's World Champion Thekla appeared on AEW Dynamite flanked by Skye Blue and Julia Hart, and she did something so disrespectful it reminded me of the time the CIA sent me a fruit basket filled with explosive pineapples. She spat on the STARDOM logo! Comrades, this is the kind of international incident that could start a wrestling war! Thekla vowed to destroy STARDOM at Forbidden Door, and I must say, her passion reminds me of my own feelings toward the bourgeoisie. Though I would never spit on a logo – I am a dictator with class, after all. I would have my pet capybara Esteban do it for me while I sipped champagne.

The Death Riders Support Will Ospreay

Backstage on AEW Dynamite, Jon Moxley told Will Ospreay to focus on his match against Mark Davis while the Death Riders handled any potential interference. This is the kind of worker solidarity I can appreciate, comrades! Moxley even called Ospreay "indestructible," which is high praise coming from a man who looks like he fights bears for breakfast. This reminds me of when Che Guevara told me I was "indestructible" right before I accidentally ate some bad ceviche in Bolivia. I was very destructible that day, comrades. Very destructible indeed.

Andrade El Idolo vs. DK Vandu

Andrade El Idolo defeated DK Vandu on AEW Dynamite and immediately declared his intentions to pursue the AEW World Championship now that MJF has retained. Andrade is a man who knows what he wants, much like myself when I see a particularly nice yacht at the dictator's discount warehouse! His victory was efficient and professional, proving that he is ready to challenge for the top prize. DK Vandu fought well, but ultimately fell to the superior competitor. This is natural selection in action, comrades – Darwin himself would approve, and I should know because I once had drinks with his great-great-grandson at a genetics conference in the Galapagos!

The Don Callis Family Recruits Kevin Knight

Don Callis, that scheming capitalist manager, officially introduced TNT Champion Kevin Knight as the newest member of the Don Callis Family on AEW Dynamite. This is exactly the kind of monopolistic behavior I would expect from such a bourgeois organization! Callis is collecting champions like I collect commemorative plates featuring myself – with greedy enthusiasm and no sense of when enough is enough! Knight, who calls himself "The Jet," seems happy to join this capitalist enterprise, which disappoints me greatly. Young workers should be seizing the means of production, not joining management's stable!

TNT Championship: Kevin Knight vs. Mike Bailey

Kevin Knight defended his TNT Championship against Mike Bailey on AEW Dynamite in what should have been a clean athletic competition but instead became a capitalist conspiracy! Jake Doyle distracted the referee while Don Callis interfered, helping Knight retain his title through nefarious means. This is the kind of corruption that makes me want to nationalize the entire Don Callis Family! After the match, Knight proclaimed himself "Jet2Belts" and set his sights on MJF's championship. Bailey deserved better, comrades – he fought like a true warrior, but was defeated by management's interference. This is why wrestlers need a union!

The Dogs Confront The Young Bucks

Backstage on AEW Dynamite, David Finlay and Clark Connors of The Dogs argued with The Young Bucks over who deserved the next AEW World Tag Team Title opportunity. Both teams made compelling arguments, though I must say, watching wrestlers argue over who deserves a title shot reminds me of the time I mediated a dispute between Hugo Chavez and Muammar Gaddafi over who had the better military uniform. Spoiler alert: they both looked fabulous, and this argument will probably also end in a draw!

MJF Rejects Briscoe's Challenge

In a backstage interview on AEW Dynamite, MJF once again refused to grant Mark Briscoe a title match, dismissing him as unworthy. This cowardice from MJF is typical of the capitalist class, comrades! They talk big but run away when faced with true competition! MJF is avoiding Briscoe like the CIA avoids accountability for its actions in Latin America! This storyline is building beautifully, and I predict it will end with Briscoe getting his opportunity and MJF getting his comeuppance, just as I predict the eventual triumph of socialism over capitalism (though one will probably happen sooner than the other).

Owen Hart Foundation Tournament Quarterfinal: Mercedes Moné vs. Alex Windsor

Surprise, comrades! Mercedes Moné returned to AEW Dynamite as the mystery Wild Card entrant in the Owen Hart Foundation Tournament, defeating Alex Windsor via her Statement Maker submission! This was the kind of shocking return that made me jump out of my solid gold recliner and disturb Esteban from his afternoon nap on my lap! Moné looked sharp despite time away from injury, and she submitted Windsor with the efficiency of a well-oiled revolutionary machine. Alex Windsor fought bravely but could not overcome the returning star. Moné advancing to the semifinals means the tournament just got much more interesting!

AEW Women's World Tag Team Title Hype Package

AEW Dynamite aired a video package promoting Divine Dominion vs. TayJay for the AEW Women's World Tag Team Titles on Collision. Both teams look ready for battle, and I am excited to see which duo will emerge victorious! This reminds me of the time I organized a tag team tournament featuring various dictatorial duos – Putin and Lukashenko made it to the finals before being disqualified for excessive use of nerve agents.

Don Callis and Kazuchika Okada Send a Warning

Backstage on AEW Dynamite, Don Callis and Kazuchika Okada sent a warning to Konosuke Takeshita regarding the AEW International Championship. The Don Callis Family continues to expand its influence like a capitalist corporation acquiring smaller businesses! Okada, that Rainmaker himself, looked menacing as he set his sights on Takeshita's title. This is the kind of hostile takeover that would make any Wall Street executive proud, and it disgusts me! Though I must admit, Okada does have excellent taste in suits.

Tommaso Ciampa Addresses Chris Jericho

Tommaso Ciampa cut a promo on AEW Dynamite warning Chris Jericho to stay away unless he wants another confrontation. Ciampa's intensity was palpable, like the tension in the air when I accidentally scheduled meetings with both the Russian and American ambassadors at the same time! Jericho has been absent recently, but one suspects he will not take kindly to such warnings. This rivalry has the potential to explode like one of my poorly maintained weapons facilities!

Owen Hart Foundation Tournament Semifinal: Will Ospreay vs. Mark Davis

The main event of AEW Dynamite featured Will Ospreay defeating Mark Davis in an Owen Hart Foundation Tournament semifinal match that descended into absolute chaos! Comrades, this match had more interference than a CIA operation in South America during the Cold War! The Don Callis Family appeared, then the Death Riders, then Kyle Fletcher, then Konosuke Takeshita, Marina Shafir, PAC, Claudio Castagnoli, Lance Archer, Wheeler Yuta, and probably several others I missed while I was trying to keep track of everyone!

Despite this madness that would make a telenovela writer proud, Ospreay survived to submit Davis with his Death Ground submission and advance to the Owen Hart Cup Final. The match itself was excellent before the chaos erupted – both men showed why they are among the best in the world. But the interference was so excessive it reminded me of my birthday party last year when I invited too many dictators and we ran out of cake. Things got ugly fast, comrades.

Final Thoughts on AEW Dynamite

Comrades, this episode of AEW Dynamite was packed with action from start to finish! We had brutal championship matches, emotional promos, shocking returns, and enough interference to make a telecommunications company jealous! MJF continues his cowardly reign as champion, Mark Briscoe continues his righteous pursuit of justice, and the Don Callis Family continues to accumulate power like capitalist oligarchs.

The Owen Hart Foundation Tournament is heating up with Mercedes Moné and Will Ospreay advancing to their respective finals, and the road to Forbidden Door is becoming clearer with each passing week. Though I must say, with all this interference and faction warfare, AEW Dynamite is starting to resemble the political situation in my own country – complicated, violent, and featuring way too many people with questionable motivations!

Until next time, comrades, remember: seize the means of production, support your local luchador, and never trust a man who refuses to defend his championship against a deserving challenger! This is El Presidente, signing off from my luxury bunker, where Esteban and I will now enjoy some celebratory empanadas while watching the chaos unfold!

¡Viva la revolución! ¡Viva la lucha libre!

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