Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, recaps, wrestling

AEW Dynamite and Collision Review: Lights Out in Philly

Comrades, El Presidente reviews the three-hour AEW Dynamite and Collision special from Philly, featuring MJF's throne, light tubes, and Death Riders intrigue!

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from the gilded observation deck of my newly-acquired Philadelphia cheesesteak factory, which I seized from a particularly bourgeois sandwich tycoon last Tuesday! Esteban the capybara is nibbling on a Cooper Sharp provolone wheel as we speak, and we have just finished watching the three-hour AEW Dynamite and AEW Collision special from the Liacouras Center, which is conveniently located mere blocks from where I am currently hiding from a CIA agent disguised as a SEPTA bus driver. What a marvelous evening of professional wrestling it was, comrades! Let us dig into the post-Double or Nothing fallout together, shall we?

You know, this whole three-hour special concept reminds me of the time I forced my state television network to broadcast an unbroken 72-hour telethon celebrating my own birthday. Dennis Rodman was there. Steven Seagal tried to play the saxophone. It was a disaster. But THIS three-hour special? Much better produced!

Will Ospreay and Kenny Omega Have a Heart-to-Heart

Renee Paquette found Will Ospreay backstage after his Owen Cup win, and our beloved Aerial Assassin wandered into the trainer's room to find Kenny Omega looking like he had just survived Stadium Stampede, which, comrades, he had. Omega warned Ospreay about trusting the Death Riders, which is excellent advice, much like when I warned Manuel Noriega not to trust that nice American gentleman who said he was "just here to help." Then Jon Moxley showed up to whisk Ospreay away in a truck, because nothing says "we are definitely not a sinister cult" like an unmarked truck. Omega telling Ospreay to call him anytime was very sweet. They are like the wrestling version of those two friends from a Pixar movie about to be torn apart by capitalism.

Kevin Knight Addresses His Heel Turn

Kevin Knight came out to a chorus of boos that would make a CIA-funded coup attempt blush, and declared that Darby Allin let everyone down. Comrades, when a man in a TNT Championship turns on his friends, you know the bourgeoisie have gotten to him! Mike Bailey came out, tried to talk sense into him, and was rewarded with a microphone to the face and a sitout uranage for his trouble. This is what happens when you try to reason with a man who has tasted championship gold, comrades! The same thing happened to Augusto Pinochet when I tried to tell him his mustache was crooked. Disastrous.

Ricochet Cuts a Promo Before Facing Chris Jericho

Ricochet, along with Bishop Kaun and Toa Liona, reacted to everyone being banned from ringside for his match with Chris Jericho. Ricochet reminded everyone that he has pinned Jericho twice, which is two times more than I have been offered a role as a Bond villain, and I have been trying for decades, comrades!

Chris Jericho vs. Ricochet

With everyone banned from ringside, Jericho actually won this one clean-ish, surviving a low blow (the referee saw nothing, just like my election monitors!) and hitting the Codebreaker, Judas Effect, and what currently passes for a Lionsault for the victory. Then Tommaso Ciampa came out and choked Jericho with a shirt, because in AEW, your victory celebration lasts approximately 0.4 seconds before someone attacks you with apparel.

Andrade Sends a Message to MJF

Andrade El Ídolo declared he is now focused on winning the AEW World Championship from MJF. Get in line, comrade! There is a queue forming, and it stretches from Philadelphia to my secret volcano lair.

Superstation Showcase Four-Way

RUSH defeated Lio Rush, Brian Cage, and Orange Cassidy in a chaotic four-way that featured more outside interference than a CIA operation in 1980s Central America. Lance Archer, Rocky Romero, Jake Doyle, and Roderick Strong all got involved around poor Orange Cassidy, who was eventually carried off by Archer like a particularly relaxed sack of potatoes. RUSH finished Lio Rush with The Horns, setting up a very big night for him later.

Kevin Knight Confronts MJF, Kyle Fletcher Confronts Knight

MJF tried to thank Kevin Knight for attacking Darby, and Knight basically told him to pound sand and that he will one day take that title. Then Kyle Fletcher came out and stared at the TNT Championship in a way that suggested he too would like to hold a shiny object. Don Callis, that magnificent capitalist pig, teased calling Knight "Jet2Belts," which I will admit made me chuckle. Esteban also chuckled. Or perhaps that was a hiccup.

Mark Briscoe and The Brawling Birds Promos

Mark Briscoe reminded us he has been wrestling for 26 years and was born to fly. Jamie Hayter and Alex Windsor of The Brawling Birds declared their continued ambitions, with Hayter still gunning for the Women's World Title and Windsor ready for any wild card opponent. Solidarity to the working women of AEW!

MJF's World Championship Celebration

Ah, comrades, this is where the bourgeoisie reveals itself in all its grotesque glory! MJF arrived on a literal THRONE, brought back the Triple B title belt, and threw the standard AEW Championship in a GARBAGE CAN. This is the kind of decadent excess that I, a humble Latin American dictator, would never engage in. (Esteban, please move my diamond-encrusted scepter out of frame.) Mark Briscoe interrupted, tore down MJF's flag, and demanded a title shot. Then RUSH came out and ALSO demanded a title shot, and MJF, perhaps fearing the proletarian uprising, agreed to face RUSH next week!

Jack Perry's Philadelphia Training Montage

Jack Perry was interrupted by Luchasaurus and forced into a training montage that included the famous Philadelphia Museum of Art steps. Comrades, I once raced Sylvester Stallone up those steps. I lost, but only because the CIA had bribed the referee.

Owen Hart Foundation Quarterfinal: Claudio Castagnoli vs. Brody King

Brody King defeated Claudio Castagnoli in a hard-hitting affair that ended with a massive lariat. King advances to face Swerve Strickland in the semifinals. Two enormous, terrifying men hitting each other very hard. Beautiful.

Copeland and Christian's 5-Second Pose Goes Wrong

Adam Copeland and Christian Cage, the new tag champs, tried to bring back the 5-second pose and were passing out disposable cameras to fans, which is the most charmingly outdated thing I have seen since I tried to fax my demands to the United Nations last week. Then David Finlay and Clark Connors of The Dogs attacked from behind, targeting Cage's injured arm with the steel steps. Comrades, in this business, you cannot even take a nostalgic photograph without being assaulted!

Swerve Strickland Talks About Brody King

Prince Nana filmed Swerve Strickland in his locker room, where Swerve referenced attacking Bandido at Double or Nothing and claimed he helped Brody King break out in the industry. Swerve framing conflict as "money," comrades, is exactly the kind of capitalist thinking that would make Tony Khan weep tears of joy into his spreadsheets.

TayJay vs. Ava Everett and Allie Katch

Tay Melo and Anna Jay defeated Ava Everett and Allie Katch with quick tandem offense. A solid win that would soon be undermined by ominous champions lurking backstage.

Mike Bailey Challenges Kevin Knight

Bailey, recovering from being microphoned in the face, challenged Knight to a one-on-one match next week with the TNT Championship on the line. The proletariat fights back!

Owen Hart Foundation Quarterfinal: Mark Davis vs. Jack Perry

Mark Davis, wrestling with an EYEPATCH like a wrestling pirate, defeated Jack Perry, who lost both of his shoes during the match. Both shoes, comrades! I once lost both shoes during a coup attempt, so I sympathize. Davis won with an avalanche piledriver and advances to face Ospreay.

Kyle Fletcher and Konosuke Takeshita

Don Callis brought out Kyle Fletcher, who accused Konosuke Takeshita of being selfish. Takeshita appeared with The Conglomeration, AEW International Championship in hand, and made it very clear he wants Fletcher. The Don Callis Family civil war continues to brew, much like the coffee in my dictator-grade espresso machine.

Trios Match: Ospreay, Moxley, and PAC vs. The Rascalz

Ospreay, Moxley, and PAC defeated The Rascalz, with Ospreay submitting Myron Reed with Death Ground. The most concerning part, comrades, was that Moxley and PAC both slapped hands with Ospreay afterward, suggesting our friend Will is being slowly indoctrinated by the Death Riders. This is exactly how the CIA recruited my second cousin Reynaldo! It started with friendly handshakes and ended with him owning a Cinnabon franchise in Miami.

Samoa Joe Steps Away

Samoa Joe announced he is stepping away from The Opps for a few months because Hollywood is calling. HOOK immediately stepped in front of Anthony Bowens, which screams "future power struggle." Joe noted that Katsuyori Shibata had outside business too. Comrades, I once had "outside business" and it turned out to be a failed assassination attempt by my own intelligence service. Wrestling is a dangerous game!

Divine Dominion Attack TayJay

Lexy Nair tried to interview TayJay only to find Megan Bayne and Lena Kross of Divine Dominion, who had already laid them out backstage. An effective bit of message-sending from the women's tag champs.

Andrade vs. Ace Austin

Andrade defeated Ace Austin with The DM after countering The Fold. A solid match that further establishes Andrade as a contender for MJF's gaudy belt collection.

Main Event: Lights Out Philly Street Fight: Hikaru Shida vs. Kris Statlander

Comrades, this was VIOLENCE! Kris Statlander defeated Hikaru Shida in an unsanctioned brawl involving kendo sticks, chairs, tables, a BICYCLE, and light tubes. Shida smashed light tubes over Statlander's back and hit a Falcon Arrow into the shards, but Statlander survived and put Shida through a table with Staturday Night Fever from the apron, then hit another Staturday Night Fever into light tube shards. Harley Cameron appeared late to hand Statlander a kendo stick, which is the kind of foreign interference I deeply respect. A bloody, broken-glass-filled main event to close out three hours of wrestling. Esteban hid behind a throw pillow during the light tube spots, but he is fine now. I have given him a small glass of brandy to calm his nerves.

El Presidente's Revolutionary Takeaways

Comrades, let me summarize the key developments from this three-hour wrestling spectacular: • Will Ospreay is being slowly recruited by the Death Riders, despite Kenny Omega's warnings • Kevin Knight has turned full heel and will defend the TNT Championship against Mike Bailey next week • MJF will face RUSH for the AEW World Championship next week • The Owen Hart Foundation tournament continues with Brody King vs. Swerve Strickland and Mark Davis vs. Will Ospreay in the semifinals • Kris Statlander defeated Hikaru Shida in a brutal Lights Out match, with an assist from Harley Cameron • Samoa Joe is stepping away from The Opps for Hollywood, leaving potential power struggles in his wake Overall, comrades, this three-hour Dynamite and Collision special was a successful piece of wrestling television. Not every segment was a masterpiece — three hours is a long time, as I learned during my 14-hour inauguration speech in 1987 — but the MJF celebration, the Ospreay/Omega/Death Riders saga, and that brutal main event made it worth the time investment. Next week we get RUSH challenging MJF for the World Title and Bailey challenging Knight for the TNT Championship, while Collision rolls into Huntsville, Alabama on Saturday. Until next time, comrades, seize the means of production, beware the CIA, and remember: if a tag team partner offers you a microphone, duck!

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