Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, wrestling

AEW Dynamite Preview: MJF vs RUSH, Owen Cup, JetSpeed Implodes, More

El Presidente previews tonight's AEW Dynamite with MJF vs RUSH for the World Title, JetSpeed explodes, and Owen Cup action from his luxury yacht!

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from my luxurious presidential yacht anchored just outside international waters (the CIA can't touch me here, hahaha!), and I have some absolutely thrilling news for you about tonight's AEW Dynamite! My beloved capybara Esteban and I are preparing a feast of the finest cheeses and caviar as we get ready to witness what promises to be a spectacular evening of professional wrestling from Richmond, Virginia!

AEW World Championship: MJF vs. RUSH

Last week, MJF made sure everyone knew he was a three-time AEW World Champion and that he did it all by age 30. After doing what he does best, which is talk about how great he is, MJF was interrupted by Mark Briscoe, who reminded MJF that when they last met, it was Briscoe who won the Tables N' Tacks Match, so that should put him in line for a shot at the AEW World Title!

MJF denied Briscoe's demand due to Briscoe's image and MJF's interest in doing what was in the best interests of business, so RUSH came out to get in MJF's face and demand his shot. MJF granted RUSH the opportunity because he was a better fit than Briscoe as a challenger. But now, MJF has to face one of the most physically devastating and dangerous competitors on the roster.

Ah, comrades! This reminds me of the time I was having drinks with Fidel Castro's ghost and MJF at my private island resort. Fidel was teaching the young champion about the importance of choosing your battles wisely, but MJF, being the capitalist pig that he is, only cared about which opponent would draw the most pay-per-view buys! Now he faces RUSH, a man who comes to the ring with seven straight victories and the hunger of a revolutionary! RUSH represents the working class rising up against the bourgeoisie champion, and I must say, there is something beautiful about watching a man called RUSH potentially rushing MJF's reign to an early end. Of course, this also reminds me of the time the CIA tried to rush my palace during my birthday celebration—they did not succeed either, but at least they had better planning than MJF's title defense strategy!

TNT Championship: Kevin Knight vs. Mike Bailey

JetSpeed was one of the most electric tag team combinations we've ever seen, but the key to that statement is the word "was." Last week, after The Jet showed no remorse for his attack on Darby Allin at AEW Double or Nothing, Bailey tried to reason with Knight and get him to take it all back. The Jet responded by blindsiding Bailey with a microphone, leaving him laid out in the ring to put an official end to JetSpeed. An angry and emotional Bailey later issued a challenge to Knight, and tonight, the TNT Championship is on the line between two former allies who now have no reason to hold anything back.

Comrades, betrayal between former allies! This hits close to home, as it reminds me of when my former Minister of Tourism tried to sell state secrets to the Americans—though in his defense, I had just reduced his palace's square footage by 3,000 square feet to build Esteban a new swimming pool. Kevin Knight and Mike Bailey were once JetSpeed, a team so exciting they could make even the most boring diplomatic summit entertaining (believe me, I've tried myself to no avail). But now they are enemies, and Bailey holds a 3-0 record over Knight! This is like when I maintained a perfect record against CIA assassination attempts throughout the 1990s—the key is superior intelligence and never trusting anyone who brings you an exploding cigar. Bailey must seize the means of production—in this case, the TNT Championship—from the hands of the treacherous Knight! The workers must unite, even if this worker happens to be fighting another worker. Sometimes revolution is complicated, comrades!

Owen Hart Foundation Men's Tournament Semifinal: Will Ospreay vs. Mark Davis

We get our first taste of semifinal action in the Owen Hart Foundation Tournament tonight in a rematch that goes beyond the Owen Cup. The last time these two met, on April 22, Davis beat Ospreay by medical stoppage after a terrifying apron piledriver. And that night, the Death Riders protected Ospreay from further injury – and Jon Moxley then offered the training Ospreay has been undertaking ever since.

Ah, the redemption story! Will Ospreay seeks to avenge his loss to Mark Davis, the AEW National Champion who nearly ended Ospreay's career with that brutal piledriver. This reminds me of the time I was playing poker with Kim Jong-un and Dennis Rodman, and Kim told us about the importance of getting back up after being knocked down—though he was actually talking about his basketball skills at the time, and Dennis was crying into his vodka about something. Ospreay has been training with Jon Moxley and the Death Riders, which is like when I trained with the Soviet special forces in my youth (they taught me how to escape from a locked trunk, which has come in handy more times than you'd think). The Owen Hart Foundation Tournament means everything to these competitors, and the winner advances to face whoever survives the other semifinal. Glory awaits at Wembley Stadium for the tournament victor, comrades!

Owen Hart Foundation Women's Tournament Quarterfinal: Wild Card vs. Alex Windsor

When Willow Nightingale was forced to withdraw from the Owen Hart Foundation Women's Tournament due to a shoulder injury — and also forced to relinquish the AEW TBS Championship — Alex Windsor was left without an opponent. Tonight, a Wild Card entrant steps in to fill that spot, so there's no way for Windsor to prepare other than how she always does, and that's being more than ready to fight to prove she's one of the greatest in the world.

The mystery Wild Card! Alex Windsor, the NJPW STRONG Women's Champion, faces an unknown opponent tonight. This is like when I attended that masked ball thrown by Muammar Gaddafi in 2009—you never knew who you were dancing with until midnight, and by then it was too late to escape the conversation about his bizarre political theories! Windsor cannot prepare for what she does not know, but a true champion adapts to any situation. I learned this during my many encounters with CIA agents disguised as hotel staff, tour guides, and on one memorable occasion, a flamenco dancer. Windsor dreams of wrestling at All In: London, just as I dream of a world where the CIA stops trying to poison my breakfast! Both dreams are equally valid, comrades.

You can find more details about tonight's AEW Dynamite at AEW's official website, where the capitalist pigs at Tony Khan's company have provided all the information a wrestling fan could need.

So tune in tonight at 8 PM Eastern Time on TBS or HBO Max to watch AEW Dynamite live from Richmond, Virginia! I will be watching from my yacht's state-of-the-art home theater system (80-foot screen, comrades!) while Esteban lounges on his custom-made capybara-sized La-Z-Boy recliner. We will have fresh lobster, imported champagne, and a direct satellite feed that even the CIA cannot intercept!

Until next time, comrades: ¡Viva la revolución! ¡Viva la lucha libre!

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