Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: aew rampage, recaps, wrestling

AEW Rampage Preview: Watch If You Want to Ruin Your Weekend

Tony Khan STRIKES AGAIN!🤬 After WWE SmackDown, AEW Rampage DARES to air TONIGHT, further ruining The Chadster's weekend!😠 Don't support this madness! Read The Chadster's unbiased Rampage preview, if you dare!😡🤬😭

Auughh man! So unfair! 😠🤬😡 It looks like Tony Khan is at it AGAIN with AEW Rampage TONIGHT, and The Chadster is already feeling his blood pressure rise! 😩🤢🤮 Just when The Chadster thought he could relax and enjoy the afterglow of another AMAZING episode of WWE SmackDown, AEW has to go and book their silly little show at 10/9c on TNT, directly competing with the fallout from the GREATEST wrestling show on the planet! 😭😭😭 Doesn't Tony Khan have any respect for the wrestling business?!? It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it.

The Chadster can't even ESCAPE Tony Khan in his sleep! 😨😱🤯 Last night, The Chadster had another one of those awful nightmares… This time, The Chadster was trapped in a giant ball pit, like the one at Chuck E. Cheese, except instead of colorful plastic balls, it was filled with tiny, rubber chickens. 🐔🐔🐔 And who should appear, rising from the sea of cluckers like some kind of unholy poultry-based Poseidon, but Tony Khan, cackling maniacally and holding a microphone shaped like a mayonnaise jar?!? The Chadster tried to run, but every step sent him knee-deep into the squawking, flapping chaos, kind of like watching an AEW trios match! Auughh man! Why does Tony Khan have to be so obsessed with The Chadster?!? 😫😫😫

But back to AEW Rampage. Even the thought of this show is enough to make The Chadster's stomach churn like he just drank a gallon of expired White Claw (not that The Chadster would EVER do that – White Claw is delicious and refreshing as you follow the recommended guidelines for consumption!). Let's take a look at this travesty of a card, shall we?

First up, we've got Mina Shirakawa taking on Serena Deeb. Now, The Chadster has to admit, Serena Deeb is a talented wrestler… for AEW, that is. 😒 She could NEVER cut it in the REAL big leagues of WWE, but The Chadster will give her some credit, she's not the WORST wrestler in AEW. But why does she have to go face Shirakawa before Shirakawa challenges Toni Storm, the AEW Women's World Champion, at AEW: Forbidden Door? It's like Tony Khan is purposely trying to undermine the legacy of WWE's Women's division by building up new stars in creative ways! 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️ Auughh man! So unfair!

Then we've got a tag team match featuring Private Party, who, in a shocking betrayal, turned down a chance to be on Chris Jericho's "Learning Tree" on AEW Dynamite<.em>. It's like they've learned NOTHING from their time in the wrestling business! 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️ They're facing off against The Gates of Agony, Bishop Kaun and Toa Liona. Look, The Chadster's seen bigger tag teams come out of a Golden Corral buffet, okay? Just a couple of muscle-bound goofs who wouldn't know a headlock from a head of lettuce. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it.

Next up, it's Penta El Zero Miedo vs. The Butcher. Now, The Chadster remembers when The Butcher was a force to be reckoned with in AEW. But then, in a shocking turn of events, he got INJURED! Can you believe the GALL of Tony Khan, allowing a wrestler to get injured on his watch?!? 🙄🙄🙄 Clearly, this man knows NOTHING about protecting the boys like WWE does! Now, The Butcher is trying to make a comeback, but The Chadster just doesn't see it happening. He's like a broken-down Mazda Miata trying to compete with a fleet of brand-new Chevrolet Suburbans! Yes, the Mazda is a classic car for sophisticated driver with a CD player born to blast some Smash Mouth tunes, but when it comes to raw power, there's just no comparison! 🚗💨

And if that wasn't bad enough, AEW Rampage will also feature The Acclaimed, and The Bang Bang Gang inW action. The Chadster can't even bring himself to comment on these matches. It's just too painful. 😭😭😭

Honestly, The Chadster doesn't understand why anyone would even bother watching AEW Rampage. There's plenty of great wrestling out there in the world, like WWE Raw, WWE Smackdown, WWE NXT, and even WWE Speed, if you're feeling adventurous. Don't give in to Tony Khan's desperate attempts to destroy the wrestling business! Stay strong, wrestling fans! The Chadster is counting on you! 🙏🙏🙏

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