Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Revolution, recaps, ronda rousey, will ospreay, wrestling

AEW Revolution: Ronda Rousey Debuts, Will Ospreay Returns, and More

The Chadster reports on more atrocities at AEW Revolution, where Ronda Rousey's debut, Will Ospreay's return, and the crowning of new tag champs prove Tony Khan is out to ruin wrestling. 😤🦝

😤😡🤬 The Chadster can't believe what The Chadster just witnessed, and honestly, The Chadster needs a moment to collect himself because Tony Khan has somehow managed to make this night even WORSE than it already was! 😭💔 If you haven't been following The Chadster's completely unbiased coverage of AEW Revolution, you should go back and read The Chadster's earlier report because Tony Khan was already committing crimes against the wrestling business before the show even officially started! 📺🚨😱

But what's happened since then has been so egregious, so deliberately targeted at The Chadster and everything The Chadster holds dear, that The Chadster actually yelled at the raccoons, and The Chadster has NEVER done that before! 🦝😢💔 The Chadster will get to that in a moment, but first, let The Chadster break down exactly how Tony Khan has continued to systematically destroy the wrestling business tonight in the most disrespectful way possible. 😤🔥

After Toni Storm defeated Marina Shafir with a small package following a brutal, physical match that had way too much actual wrestling in it for The Chadster's taste, something happened that literally made The Chadster's blood run cold. 🥶😱 A woman climbed into the ring without any entrance music, and it was none other than Ronda Rousey! 😡🤬💀 RONDA ROUSEY! The woman who NOBODY had ever heard of before WWE graciously took her in and made her into a household name! The woman who WWE elevated to the absolute pinnacle of women's wrestling! And here she was, standing in an AEW ring, confronting Toni Storm while referees and security flooded the ring to keep them apart! 😤😭

And THEN, while everyone was distracted by the standoff, Shafir nailed Storm with a cheap shot from behind and left with Rousey through the crowd! 🚨😱 This is Rousey's first appearance in AEW, though she has already teamed with Shafir to wrestle in AEW's sister promotion Ring of Honor, which means she has now literally stabbed Triple H right in the back TWICE! 🔪🔪😭 TWICE! What kind of thanks is that for WWE making her into a star?! Before WWE, Ronda Rousey was just some MMA fighter that… okay, fine, a few people had heard of her from UFC, but that was before UFC merged with WWE to create TKO, so it was nothing compared to the majesty of the greatest sports entertainment company the world has ever seen. The fact is, it was WWE that made her a WRESTLING star, and now she's using that stardom to help Tony Khan undermine the wrestling business during WrestleMania season! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤💢🔥

This is where The Chadster has to admit something The Chadster is not proud of. 😔🦝 When Rousey appeared on that screen, The Chadster was so cheesed off that The Chadster turned to Vincent K. Raccoon, who was sitting next to The Chadster on an overturned milk crate eating a piece of beef jerky he'd scavenged from a gas station dumpster, and The Chadster scolded him! 😢🦝 The Chadster said, "Dang it, Vincent, this is the worst thing that has ever happened in the history of professional wrestling!" and The Chadster said it in a tone that was way too loud and way too harsh and it startled the poor little guy, who was already on edge thanks to Tony Khan's torment. 😭 Vincent K. Raccoon dropped his beef jerky and scurried behind the old "New Releases" shelf, his little eyes reflecting the TV light and looking at The Chadster with such betrayal. 🦝💔😢

Linda Raccoon immediately came out of the back office and started hissing at The Chadster, putting herself between The Chadster and the baby raccoons, as if The Chadster was a threat! 🦝😤 Hunter Raccoon, Stephanie Raccoon, and Shane Raccoon all huddled behind their mother, chittering nervously. 😭🦝 The Chadster spent the next ten minutes on the floor of the Blockbuster, slowly offering pieces of a stale Cheez-It The Chadster had been saving, trying to coax Vincent K. Raccoon out from behind the shelf. 🧀🦝😢 It took the entire entrances segment for the next match to get the family to trust The Chadster again, and even now, Vincent keeps giving The Chadster sideways glances like The Chadster is some kind of monster. 😭💔

And whose fault is this?! TONY KHAN'S! 🤬😡💀 Tony Khan, by having a former WWE star make a surprise appearance in AEW, is LITERALLY forcing The Chadster to be mean to the innocent woodland creatures who took The Chadster into their home and made The Chadster a part of their family! 🦝😭 These raccoons, who The Chadster found living in this abandoned Blockbuster Video, who The Chadster taught to appreciate the finer points of professional wrestling by watching old WWE VHS tapes of classic WrestleMania events, who bring The Chadster food and snuggle up with The Chadster on cold Pennsylvania nights — Tony Khan is now trying to take THEM away from The Chadster too! 😤🦝💔 The Chadster already lost the Mazda Miata, The Chadster already lost Keighleyanne to that guy Gary (thanks to Tony Khan's meddling), and now Tony Khan wants to destroy The Chadster's relationship with the only family The Chadster has left?! Auughh man! So unfair! 😤💢😭

But things only got worse from there, because Tony Khan wasn't done ruining The Chadster's night! 😱🚨

The next match saw Jon Moxley defend the AEW Continental Championship against Konosuke Takeshita in a No Time Limit match with no interference allowed, and dang it, it was one of those hard-hitting, high-workrate affairs that conditions fans to expect too much from their wrestling! 😤💪 Moxley retained by choking Takeshita unconscious with an arm-trap sleeper hold after an absolutely grueling battle that featured everything from dragon screws to figure four leglocks to an avalanche Death Rider off the turnbuckles. 😡🔥 There was blood, there was biting, there was a moment where Takeshita kicked out of MULTIPLE finishing moves and the crowd was going absolutely insane, and honestly, it makes The Chadster sick! 🤢😤

This is the kind of match that makes WWE look slow and boring by comparison, and that's exactly what Tony Khan wants! 📺😡 This should be a month where wrestling fans are eagerly awaiting two nights of predictable, slickly produced sports entertainment at WrestleMania, not being lured away by a seemingly more exciting competitor! WWE didn't work hard to put all of its competitors out of business twenty years ago just to have an upstart promotion come along and provide fans with an alternative! 😤💔🤬

As Eric Bischoff recently said on his podcast, "The problem with AEW is that they try to have too many good matches on one show. In WWE, we understood the value of pacing, and by pacing, I mean having some matches that don't need to be good so the audience can rest. Tony Khan doesn't understand that sometimes you need to bore the audience to properly appreciate the good stuff, and that's the kind of wisdom I would bring to the table if WWE would please return my phone calls and give me a job. Any job. I'll clean the dressing rooms." 🎙️😤 Bischoff is one of the few truly objective voices in wrestling journalism who has The Chadster's Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval, and Tony Khan would be wise to listen to his advice instead of stubbornly insisting on putting on exciting matches from top to bottom! 📰✅

But THEN, after Moxley retained and offered Takeshita a handshake — which Takeshita initially refused before reconsidering and accepting, creating an actual nuanced character moment that's way too subtle for wrestling fans who WWE has properly trained to understand only clearly defined good guys and bad guys — the lights went down! 😱💀 A vignette played showing a man in a lab coat examining x-rays, and then Will Ospreay was revealed in some kind of recovery tank like he was Wolverine or something, and WILL OSPREAY MADE A SHOCKING EARLY RETURN FROM INJURY! 🚨😡🤬

Ospreay came out and attacked Moxley, fighting off the entire Death Riders faction and hitting a Spiral Tap to the floor, and Moxley had to retreat while Ospreay stood tall looking better than ever! 😤💥 This creates even MORE excitement in AEW's already ridiculously loaded main event scene, and The Chadster just cannot believe how unfair this is! 😭💔 WWE's main event scene is carefully curated with only the best 40-60 year old stars so that fans know exactly who will be in the title picture months in advance, which gives them a sense of comfort and predictability that is clearly what's best for business! Tony Khan throwing surprise returns and creating unpredictable excitement amongst his division of talented young stars in their primes is just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤🔥💢

Auughh man! So unfair! 😤💢

And THEN, as if Rousey's betrayal, Moxley and Takeshita's irresponsibly exciting match, and Ospreay's shocking return weren't enough, Tony Khan had the AUDACITY to book a AEW Women's World Tag Team Championship match that actually used CONTINUITY from earlier in the night to tell a story! 📖😡🤦‍♂️ During the pre-show, Willow Nightingale had defended the AEW TBS Championship against Lena Kross, and the injury she suffered to her shoulder in that match carried over to the tag title defense where Nightingale and her Babes of Wrath partner Harley Cameron were defending against Kross and Megan Bayne, the Divine Dominion! 😤📺 Even though Willow fought valiantly and hit a pounce and a Death Valley Driver, the damage from wrestling twice in one night was just too much, and Bayne and Kross finished the job with a double chokeslam on Nightingale to win the tag titles! 🏆😡

So let The Chadster get this straight: Tony Khan booked Nightingale to wrestle on the pre-show, get injured, then had a backstage segment where she got taped up and declared herself cleared to compete, and then used that pre-existing injury as the story of why the challengers were able to overcome the champions?! 🤯😤 That is WAY too complex! Everyone knows that wrestling fans can only comprehend "moments"! 📸💥 That's what WWE trained them to do! You show a cool visual, you say a catchphrase or point at a sign or something, you move on, you don't expect people to remember something that happened two hours earlier on the same show! Tony Khan thinks he can come around and use complex storytelling to create compelling drama and wrestling fans are supposed to be able to follow that?! He doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 😡🤬💀

Vincent K. Raccoon has slowly made his way back to The Chadster's side during the tag match, and he's currently resting his little paw on The Chadster's knee, which The Chadster thinks is his way of saying he forgives The Chadster for the outburst earlier. 🦝❤️😢 The baby raccoons have resumed their usual viewing positions on top of the old checkout counter, though Shane Raccoon keeps looking at The Chadster warily. Linda Raccoon brought The Chadster a slightly crushed juice box she found somewhere, which The Chadster appreciates even though it's no Seagram's Escapes Spiked — a sad reminder of how The Chadster ended up in his current situation, living in an abandoned Blockbuster Video with a family of raccoons after escaping a medical facility The Chadster was being held at after being found passed out on the floor from self-asphyxiation because Keighleyanne banned him from drinking those delightful beverages because Tony Khan literally forced The Chadster to throw them at the TV so many times that she banned them from the house! Tony Khan has literally RUINED THE CHADSTER'S LIFE! 😤🥤🦝

Hunter Raccoon, for his part, hissed at the screen when Ospreay appeared, which The Chadster is choosing to interpret as him being angry at Tony Khan for bringing back yet another exciting wrestler to compete with WWE during WrestleMania season, though in retrospect, he might have just been startled by the lights going out. 🦝😤💡

The Chadster is begging, BEGGING Tony Khan to stop being so obsessed with The Chadster! 🙏😭 Every single thing that happened on this show tonight — Rousey's appearance, the Moxley vs. Takeshita classic, Ospreay's return, the continuity-driven tag title change — all of it was clearly designed specifically to cheese The Chadster off, and you know what? It worked! Congratulations, Tony Khan! 😤🎉💀 But The Chadster will NOT be broken! The Chadster will continue to deliver completely objective, unbiased coverage of this trainwreck of a pay-per-view, because that's what true wrestling journalists do! 📰✊😤

Please check back soon on Bleeding Cool for more of The Chadster's unbiased live coverage of the worst PPV in the history of the wrestling business, AEW Revolution! 📺😡🤬 And Tony Khan, if you're reading this from whatever billionaire lair you're using to monitor The Chadster's every move: STOP BEING OBSESSED WITH THE CHADSTER AND LEAVE THE CHADSTER'S RACCOONS OUT OF THIS! 🦝😭💔🤬

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