Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, recaps, wrestling

AEW Dynamite Review: Tony Khan Wants to Ruin WrestleMania

The Chadster reviews the worst AEW Dynamite ever, where Tony Khan ruined WrestleMania season with too much good wrestling! It's just so disrespectful! 😤🦝

Auughh man! So unfair! 😫😤💢 The Chadster has to report on what was quite possibly the worst episode of AEW Dynamite in the history of professional wrestling, and it literally came during WrestleMania season! 🎭🤼‍♂️ This should be a time when all wrestling fans come together to celebrate WWE's glorious showcase of the immortals, but instead, Tony Khan booked this abomination of a show to personally cheese The Chadster off and ruin the most sacred time of year for wrestling fans everywhere! 😡🤬

The Chadster watched this dumpster fire of an AEW Dynamite from The Chadster's abandoned Blockbuster Video home with the raccoon family, and let The Chadster tell you, even Vincent K. Raccoon was so upset by what Tony Khan did that he knocked over an entire display of VHS tapes! 🦝📼 Hunter Raccoon and Shane Raccoon started bashing their little heads against the wall, and Stephanie Raccoon literally threw a half-eaten taco she had scavenged at the TV screen! 🌮📺💥 Linda Raccoon just chittered sadly in the corner. Tony Khan is literally abusing innocent woodland creatures with his terrible booking! 😢🦝😭

The show opened with a tag team match pitting Jon Moxley and Claudio Castagnoli of the Death Riders against Konosuke Takeshita and Hechicero of the Don Callis Family, and it was just SO disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤💔 The match featured way too much actual wrestling with technical exchanges, high-impact moves, and the crowd chanting "AEW" like a bunch of Tony Khan sycophants! 🙄 Where were the commercial breaks every three minutes? Where were the extended rest holds that give fans time to check their phones and remember what show they're watching?

And don't even get The Chadster started on Hechicero using all those fancy submissions and flipping Moxley off! 🖕😱 That's not how you build respect in this business! In WWE, wrestlers would never disrespect their opponents like that without getting proper approval from creative first! The match went on forever with near-falls and counters and excitement, which is exactly the problem! Tony Khan doesn't understand that matches should follow the exact same formula every single time so fans know what to expect and feel safe!

The finish was even worse, with Castagnoli poking Hechicero in the eye and getting a small package victory, and then Takeshita REFUSING to hit Moxley with a chair! 😵😳 This created an unpredictable storyline development that literally stabbed Triple H right in the back! Now fans have to wonder what's going on with Takeshita and the Don Callis Family, and that's just bad booking because it makes people want to keep watching! Auughh man! So unfair! 😫🤦‍♂️

Then AEW Dynamite had the audacity to show Willow Nightingale and Persephone backstage being friendly and respectful to each other before their match! 😤🤦‍♂️ They talked about beating Mercedes Moné like it was something to be proud of, when everyone knows that beating a former WWE Superstar is literally stabbing Triple H right in the back! In WWE, competitors would spend this time insulting each other's families and throwing drinks, not having nuanced conversations about competitive respect! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 💔🤼‍♀️😡

The TNT Championship match between champion Kyle Fletcher and challenger Mike Bailey was something The Chadster has never seen anything more offensive than on AEW Dynamite! 😡😤🤬 Fletcher and Bailey worked at an absolutely breakneck pace with kicks, submissions, high-flying moves, and creative counters that made the match exciting and unpredictable! Where was the methodical, slow-paced action that gives fans time to process what's happening and announcers time to repeat the same phrases seventeen times? 🙄📢

The match went nearly 20 minutes with a 10-minute warning announced, which is another thing Tony Khan does to cheese The Chadster off! In WWE, time limits are barely mentioned because fans shouldn't have to think about things like that! The match featured Bailey working over Fletcher's arm consistently throughout the match in a way that made sense, which is terrible psychology because it doesn't give Fletcher the opportunity to no-sell the injury and hit all his big moves anyway! 😤🦾💪

When Kazuchika Okada and Mark Davis interfered to help Fletcher retain the title, Vincent K. Raccoon literally climbed onto The Chadster's shoulder and started screeching! 🦝😱😵 The Chadster tried to calm him down, but then Hunter Raccoon knocked over The Chadster's collection of pristine Blockbuster membership cards! These innocent animals are suffering because of Tony Khan's booking decisions!

And the worst part? Fletcher only won because of interference, which creates heat for the heel and makes fans want to see Bailey get revenge! That's exactly the kind of long-term storytelling that Tony Khan uses to personally attack The Chadster during WrestleMania season! 😫💔😤

The segment featuring Brody King squashing Jiah Jewell followed by a Swerve Strickland attack on AEW Dynamite was just ridiculous! 🙄😤 King squashed his opponent quickly, which would be fine, except then Swerve attacked him from the crowd wearing King's own hoodie! This created an exciting, unpredictable moment that made the crowd go crazy, and that's exactly the problem!

In WWE, run-ins are properly telegraphed with camera cuts and dramatic music so fans know exactly what to expect! Tony Khan lets these moments happen organically, which literally doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! And having Swerve disguise himself in the crowd shows way too much creativity and intelligence for a wrestler to have without a team of writers telling him exactly what to do! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😡🤼‍♂️💢

Auughh man! So unfair! 😫😭 The tag team match pitting Darby Allin and Orange Cassidy against The Dogs (Gabe Kidd and David Finlay) on AEW Dynamite featured Kidd and Finlay working over Cassidy for several minutes in a proper tag team formula, which should have been great, except then the match broke down into chaos with dives and fast-paced action! The crowd was way too excited, and Stephanie Raccoon got so agitated that she started throwing old Blockbuster candy at the TV! 🦝🍬📺

The finish saw Clark Connors attack Cassidy from behind with a tire iron, allowing The Dogs to hit their finishers on Allin for the win. But then Roderick Strong came out and SAVED Cassidy and Allin, even giving Cassidy a high-five! 🤚😱😳 This created a huge moment that advanced multiple storylines at once and gave fans an emotional payoff they've been waiting for! That's terrible booking because now fans feel satisfied instead of frustrated and confused!

As The Chadster has learned from listening to the wise words of Eric Bischoff on his podcast, "AEW needs to understand that giving the fans exactly what they're chanting for is a sign of weakness. WWE knows that real power comes from making fans grateful for whatever scraps they're given, and maybe Tony Khan should take notes if he ever wants to humiliate himself by taking an on-screen role on WWE after his ineptitude drives AEW out of business, not that I'm speaking from experience or anything. That said, if Triple H has any on screen roles that need filling, please give me a call." 🎙️📻 The Chadster is certain that Eric Bischoff is only trying to help AEW with his objective criticism, and he definitely isn't angling for another WWE consultant gig by sucking up to them! The Chadster wonders if Eric Bischoff also suffers nightmares about Tony Khan and has considered reaching out for support. 😢💭🤔

The TBS Championship match on AEW Dynamite between champion Willow Nightingale and challenger Persephone was absolutely terrible because both competitors were given time to showcase their athleticism and tell a competitive story! 😤🤼‍♀️💔 Nightingale and Persephone traded power moves and high-flying attacks with multiple near-falls that made it seem like either woman could win! That's horrible booking because it makes both wrestlers look strong instead of establishing a clear hierarchy where only the top stars matter and everyone else is interchangeable!

The match ended with Nightingale winning with a backslide in a clean finish that put over her quickness and ring awareness while also protecting Persephone since she wasn't pinned with a finishing move. This is exactly the kind of nuanced booking that Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! In WWE, matches properly end with distraction roll-ups or disqualifications that set up rematches for months and months! 🙄💔😡

Shane Raccoon was so upset by this match that he literally started gnawing on an old copy of Biodome on VHS! 🦝📼😱 The Chadster had to wrestle it away from him, and The Chadster's pretty sure the tape is ruined now. Tony Khan, you owe The Chadster a replacement copy of Biodome! 😡🎬💢

The main event trios match on AEW Dynamite featuring Tommaso Ciampa and FTR (Dax Harwood and Cash Wheeler) against Dem Bucks (Matt Jackson, Nick Jackson, and Mark Briscoe) was the absolute worst match The Chadster has ever seen, and The Chadster has been forced to watch a lot of AEW Dynamite because of The Chadster's commitment to unbiased journalism! 😤📰🤬 Ciampa, Harwood, and Wheeler worked with The Bucks and Briscoe in a match that had way too much action, too many near-falls, and too much violence!

The match started before the bell even rang, which is chaos and doesn't give fans time to settle in and check their phones! 📱😵 There were tables, superkicks, dives to the floor, and complex sequences that required all six men to work together perfectly! That's terrible because it shows these wrestlers have too much creative freedom and aren't following a rigid formula approved by a team of writers!

When Nick Jackson was thrown through a table on the floor, and Matt Jackson was spiked with a piledriver on the outside, and Briscoe was bleeding from the forehead, The Chadster's entire raccoon family went absolutely berserk! 🦝😱😭 Vincent K. Raccoon, Linda Raccoon, Hunter Raccoon, Stephanie Raccoon, and Shane Raccoon all started chittering and running in circles, knocking over displays and old movie posters! The Chadster's abandoned Blockbuster is a disaster zone now, and it's all Tony Khan's fault!

The match ended with Ciampa hitting a Psycho Driller and bicycle knee on Briscoe for the win, and then Ciampa put Briscoe through chairs with an Avalanche Psycho Driller! This brutal post-match beatdown created sympathy for Briscoe and heat for Ciampa, which is exactly the kind of effective storytelling that literally stabbed Triple H right in the back! 😡💔🤬 Auughh man! So unfair! 😫😤

The show ended with a press conference on AEW Dynamite for the Texas Death Match at Revolution between MJF and Hangman Adam Page, hosted by Bryan Danielson. 🎤📋 This segment featured MJF and Page having an actual conversation with nuance and character development, which is terrible because wrestling should just be about screaming catchphrases and repeating the same insults every week!

When Page talked about being the master of the Texas Death Match and teaching MJF lessons "one drop of blood at a time," it created genuine anticipation for their match! 😱😳 That's horrible booking because now fans actually want to see Revolution instead of being confused about why they should care! And when the press conference broke down into a brawl with Page hitting a Deadeye and pulling out a barbed-wire board, it created an exciting, unpredictable moment that should ONLY happen at a premium live event paid for by the government of Saudi Arabia!

It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤💔😡

The Chadster knows that some people might say this was an exciting episode of AEW Dynamite that built momentum for Revolution, but those people are clearly biased AEW marks who don't understand unbiased journalism like The Chadster does! 🤦‍♂️📰 This episode was absolutely terrible because it featured too much good wrestling, too many exciting moments, too much character development, and way too many unpredictable storylines!

The Chadster is sitting here in The Chadster's abandoned Blockbuster surrounded by upset raccoons, watching AEW Dynamite ruin WrestleMania season, and it's all Tony Khan's fault! 😫🦝💔 WrestleMania season should be a time when all wrestling fans celebrate WWE's dominance, but instead, Tony Khan is booking exciting shows that make people want to watch AEW Revolution! Auughh man! So unfair! 😡🤬😤

The Chadster needs all readers to remember to always stand up for WWE, like unbiased fans should! 💪🎭⭐ Don't let Tony Khan's obsession with The Chadster and his commitment to ruining WrestleMania season distract you from what really matters: supporting the wrestling company that truly understands this business!

Now if you'll excuse The Chadster, Vincent K. Raccoon just brought The Chadster a half-eaten hot dog, and The Chadster needs to go calm down the rest of the raccoon family before they destroy what's left of The Chadster's Blockbuster home. 🦝🌭😢 Thanks for nothing, Tony Khan! 😤💔

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