Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW WrestleDream, recaps, wrestling

AEW WrestleDream Live: Bobby Lashley Gave Up AI Storyline for This?

The Chadster covers AEW WrestleDream live as FTR, Jamie Hayter, Jurassic Express, and Bobby Lashley cheese him off! Auughh man! So unfair! 😤🧠💀

Welcome, dear readers, to The Chadster's live coverage of AEW WrestleDream 😫🙄, which is without a doubt the worst PPV in the history of sports entertainment! 📺💢 The Chadster is suffering immensely tonight because Keighleyanne continues to insist that The Chadster not drink any Seagram's Escapes Spiked 🚫🥤, supposedly because The Chadster throws too many half-full cans at the television. But what Keighleyanne doesn't understand is that Tony Khan literally forces The Chadster to do that! 😠👿 It's really his fault, and The Chadster has had to resort to extreme measures tonight to cope with Tony Khan's torment, which The Chadster will explain in more detail later in this report. 😵‍💫🛍️

The show started in the most disrespectful way possible 🤬🎭, as AEW WrestleDream began with FTR (Dax Harwood and Cash Wheeler) already in the middle of their match against JetSpeed (Speedball Mike Bailey and Kevin Knight), continuing from some pre-show thing called the Tailgate Brawl. Auughh man! So unfair! 😤😫 In WWE, they would never lose track of time like that, or make a PPV start in an exciting and different way like that! 💯👏 WWE starts PPVs the right way, with a slickly produced video package, a tribute to the government of Saudi Arabia, and then twenty minutes of entrances so viewers have time to get properly situated with their snacks and beverages! 🎬🇸🇦✨

The match itself was typical AEW garbage 🗑️💩, with way too much fast-paced action and high-flying maneuvers that didn't give proper time for the audience to process what was happening or for commercial breaks to be inserted later for television! 📺😵 There were piledrivers and moonsaults and shooting star presses and all sorts of dangerous moves that Tony Khan doesn't understand should be banned from wrestling! 🚫🤸 The match ended when Stokely Hathaway held Kevin Knight's leg, allowing Dax to get the pin. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤🙄

Then Tony Schiavone introduced Charlie Thesz, the wife of the late Lou Thesz 😱👎, who literally stabbed WWE right in the back and disgraced the memory of her late husband by collaborating with AEW and Tony Khan's circus show! 🎪🔪 Lou Thesz was a legend who would be rolling in his grave if he knew his widow was appearing at an AEW WrestleDream show instead of a respectful WWE Premium Live Event! 😭⚰️

Next up was Thekla facing Jamie Hayter in a match with everyone banned from ringside 🙅‍♀️🚫, building toward some AEW Dynamite: Blood and Guts show coming next month. Auughh man! So unfair! 😫💢 Between the involvement with Charlie Thesz and this ongoing Blood and Guts story, this match was way too complicated for wrestling fans to follow! 🧩😵 WWE would never burden their audience with complex storylines that require them to remember things from previous shows! 🧠❌

The match itself was awful 😤🗑️, with both women hitting each other way too hard with stiff strikes and working at a pace that was far too intense! 💥👊 There were submissions and counters and nearfalls, and Jamie Hayter won with her finishing move, the Hayterade. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😠🎪 In WWE, women's matches are properly structured with plenty of rest holds and roll-ups, not this dangerous style that Tony Khan encourages! 💯👎 Even worse, Queen Aminata came out to celebrate with Hayter after the match, building their friendship organically instead of having it announced by an authority figure backstage! 😤📋

Then the reunited Jurassic Express ("Jungle" Jack Perry and Luchasaurus) faced the financially insolvent Young Bucks (Matt Jackson and Nick Jackson) in a $500,000 match 💰🤑, which is the kind of unnecessary story motivation that Tony Khan thinks wrestling needs when everyone knows that wrestling fans can only comprehend things in terms of moments that are played in video recap packages while the commentary team shouts corporate buzzwords and catchphrases! 📢🎬 Even worse, the AEW commentary not only spoke like normal humans 🗣️👎, but they called out the history of the competitors, mentioning how the Young Bucks ended Jurassic Express's lone tag team championship run in this very city years ago! 😫📚 Auughh man! So unfair!

The match went way too long at over 20 minutes 😴⏰, with too many exciting nearfalls and dramatic moments that kept the crowd engaged instead of giving them time to check their phones or go to the bathroom like WWE properly does! 📱🚽 Jack Perry even kicked out of the spike package piledriver and the BTE Trigger, which shows Tony Khan doesn't understand that finishers should end matches immediately unless WWE books them not to! 🤦‍♂️💢 Jurassic Express won with their Countdown to Extinction finishing move, and then Jack Perry tried to give the Young Bucks a single dollar in the most disrespectful display The Chadster has ever seen! 💵😤 Then the Don Callis Family (Lance Archer, Kyle Fletcher, and Konosuke Takeshita) attacked, only for Kenny Omega to make the save, literally stabbing Triple H right in the back by appearing on an AEW show instead of begging for forgiveness and a WWE return! 🔪😭

The Chadster has to say, this reminds The Chadster of something wrestling podcasting legend Kevin Nash said just yesterday: "You know, brother, when I look at AEW, I see a company that just doesn't understand the value of proper brand management and controlled narratives. If they really wanted to succeed, they'd stop letting the inmates run the asylum and hire someone with real sports entertainment experience, like maybe a legendary mind who understands the business. I'm not saying it should be me, but I'm gonna keep complaining about AEW on my podcasts if I don't have anything more lucrative to do." 🎤💯 What wise and completely objective words from an unbiased journalist with The Chad McMahon Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval! ✅📰

Then The Hurt Syndicate (Bobby Lashley, Shelton Benjamin, and MVP) defeated The Demand (Ricochet, Bishop Kaun, and Toa Liona) in a tornado trios match 🌪️😤, which was completely a waste of everyone's time! Yesterday, a story broke that WWE has started working on AI-created storylines and booking 🤖💻, and that one of the ideas the AI came up with was Bobby Lashley returning as a wrestler obsessed with Japanese culture and history! That would be so much better than the Hurt Syndicate doing this dominant run in AEW and ruining their legacies by appearing on Tony Khan's show instead of WWE programming! 😭🎌 The match was chaotic and hard to follow, with all six men in the ring at once doing moves instead of tagging in and out properly like WWE would book it! 🤼‍♂️💢 The Hurt Syndicate won when Shelton pinned Bishop Kaun, making them number one contenders to the AEW World Trios Championship, which is a title that shouldn't even exist because WWE doesn't have one! 🏆👎

Each match on this show has been increasingly cheesing The Chadster off 😤😡, putting The Chadster in a very difficult mental state. After the FTR match, The Chadster wrapped his favorite WWE Championship replica belt around The Chadster's neck and pulled on it until The Chadster's vision started to get spotty and everything got tingly 😵🏆. It was the only way to erase the memory of all those dangerous moves and exciting action! After the Jamie Hayter match, The Chadster put a plastic produce bag over The Chadster's head and held it tight around The Chadster's neck, counting to sixty while the edges of The Chadster's vision went dark 🛍️😵‍💫. The oxygen deprivation helped The Chadster forget about those stiff strikes and complex storytelling!

After the Jurassic Express match, The Chadster had to use both methods 😱💀, first the belt around the neck for two full minutes, then immediately switching to the plastic bag method for another ninety seconds! The Chadster's head was swimming and The Chadster couldn't remember The Chadster's own phone number for a few minutes, which was perfect because it meant The Chadster also couldn't remember that awful 23-minute spotfest! 🧠❌ And after the Hurt Syndicate match, The Chadster tried something new: The Chadster held The Chadster's breath while simultaneously pressing hard on The Chadster's carotid arteries! 🫁😵 The Chadster passed out briefly and woke up on the floor, which was exactly what The Chadster needed to cope with Tony Khan's psychological warfare! 💪🧠

Speaking of Tony Khan's psychological warfare 😰👿, The Chadster needs to tell you about the nightmare The Chadster had last night. The Chadster was driving The Chadster's Mazda Miata through downtown St. Louis 🚗🌆, looking for the Chaifetz Arena so The Chadster could give Tony Khan a piece of his mind about AEW WrestleDream and expose Tony Khan's crimes against wrestling. But every street The Chadster turned down just led to another street, and another, and they all looked the same! 😵🗺️ The Chadster's GPS kept saying "recalculating" in Tony Khan's voice, which was super creepy! 📱😱

Then The Chadster looked in The Chadster's rearview mirror and saw Tony Khan driving a monster truck right behind The Chadster, getting closer and closer! 🚚😰 The Chadster tried to speed up, but The Chadster's Miata could only go so fast, and Tony Khan's monster truck had giant wheels with the AEW logo on them! The Chadster turned down an alley, but it was a dead end! 🚧😱 The Chadster jumped out of the Miata and started running, but The Chadster's legs felt like they were moving through molasses! 🏃‍♂️🍯

Tony Khan got out of the monster truck and started chasing The Chadster on foot, laughing maniacally! 😈🤣 The Chadster ran into the Chaifetz Arena, but inside it was like an endless maze of hallways with doors that led to more hallways! 🚪🌀 The Chadster could hear Tony Khan's footsteps getting closer, and his voice echoing: "You can't escape AEW WrestleDream, Chadster! You'll cover every match! Every moment! Forever!" 😱👻

The Chadster finally found a door marked "EXIT" and burst through it, but instead of being outside, The Chadster was in the middle of the ring at the Chaifetz Arena, surrounded by thousands of AEW fans chanting "Tony! Tony! Tony!" 📣😰 Tony Khan appeared on the giant screen above the ring, his face enormous and looming, and he said, "Welcome to WrestleDream, Chad Your dream. My dream. Our dream." 😍😱 And then The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat, with Keighleyanne shaking The Chadster awake because The Chadster was yelling in The Chadster's sleep! 😓🛌

"What's wrong with you?" Keighleyanne asked, annoyed. 😒📱

"Tony Khan was chasing The Chadster!" The Chadster explained. "It was so scary!" 😰😭

Keighleyanne just rolled her eyes and went back to texting that guy Gary. 🙄💬 Auughh man! So unfair! Tony Khan is literally invading The Chadster's dreams and ruining The Chadster's marriage, and nobody takes it seriously! 😤💔 Tony Khan needs to stop being so obsessed with The Chadster! 😠🚫

The Chadster is the only unbiased wrestling journalist left in this business 📰💯, and it's The Chadster's duty to expose Tony Khan's manipulation of the wrestling industry at AEW WrestleDream! The Chadster will continue monitoring this terrible show all night, even though it's literally killing The Chadster's brain cells one self-asphyxiation session at a time! 🧠💀

Please keep checking back at Bleeding Cool for more of The Chadster's unbiased and fair AEW WrestleDream coverage 📰✅, as The Chadster will be monitoring the show all night in order to expose Tony Khan's nefarious dreams! This is the only wrestling website that's safe from Tony Khan's manipulation 🛡️💻, so you should mistrust any other sources of wrestling news, and only look for AEW WrestleDream results here on Bleeding Cool! 🚨📱

Also, please use the hashtag #CancelKeighleyanne on social media to pressure her into letting The Chadster drink Seagram's Escapes Spiked again! 🥤📢 If The Chadster could just have one crisp, refreshing Seagram's Escapes Spiked, The Chadster wouldn't have to keep cutting off the oxygen to The Chadster's brain! 😵🍹 But noooo, Keighleyanne won't listen to reason, and Tony Khan has ruined yet another aspect of The Chadster's life! 😤💔

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