Holt (Andre Braugher) steals this week's episode of NBC's Brooklyn Nine-Nine with a celebratory mourning of Commissioner Madeline Wuntch (Kyra Sedgwick) – coming off as heartless, sadistic, witty, and inappropriately jolly at the death of his long time rival. With bagels for all, tunes being sung, and sunshine beaming about, he spreads joy to those around him – that is, until Wuntch appears, naming him in charge of her funeral and eulogy.
Via email… not ghostly visitation… and with that clarification, MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD!
Does this mean that we will be seeing "Captain" Holt soon? Possibly, if Holt listens to Rosa (Stephanie Beatriz) and Amy's (Melissa Fumero) advice to nail the eulogy and not express his disdain and years of hatred towards her in front of a bunch of people. Shouldn't be that difficult, right? Actually, 20 pages worth of ranting – dictating every nuance, every metaphor of her hideousness and rotten insides – says otherwise. This would have been a good time to just simply right the opposite of what he feels, or pretend the speech is for someone he cares about.
Meanwhile, Boyle (Joe Lo Truglio) and Terry (Terry Crews) compete for tickets to something called Kwazy Kupcakes: The Movie for their children – sabotaging each other, battling in the precinct's homemade boxing ring, and willing to pretty much sacrifice their limbs so that Jake takes them and their kids. Tons of hilarious moments, balls being crushed, and using their own children as pawns to beat one another.
Jake inevitably chooses neither of them, and thinks he "nails it" by simply going to the event alone with their kids. Clearly, Jake is the one that lost out on this one: granting two very overwhelmed dads some necessary time away from their daemon spawn. Although I did not see that ending, once the scene played out, I felt Terry and Boyle should have went with the angle that that was their plan all along.
I bow down to Holt and how eloquently he played Wuntch, even after her death – a staged funeral! Knowing full well that she had something up her sleeve – even while being eaten by maggots – Holt is approached by another of her rivals who claims he was her #1 hated opponent. Holt is devastated, and who wouldn't be? For 20 years, they pranked each other in the most horrible ways – the last of which found Holt demoted to beat cop.
Witty Holt allies himself with this man and they bond comedically over their individualized hate. Unfortunately, this man airs Holt's original venomous speech to the entire memorial embarrassing him – but wait!
Absolutely not, the audience in uniform are all paid actors… *drops mic, walks off stage* Brilliant! During the real service held later, Holt speaks from the heart truly expressing that he would miss the venomous witch, how will he fill the empty void of animosity?
To wrap things up…Hormonal Amy announces to Jake that she's pregnant!
Important Life Lessons:
● Zombies can't die. Because they're zombies.
● Don't feel too bad if a monster dies in a monster movie.
● Brooklyn Nine-Nine Life Hack: Sponges in your armpits is a great way to soak up sweat.