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The Chadster explains how Hangman Adam Page's title win at AEW All In: Texas was so disrespectful to WWE that it made Keighleyanne take away The Chadster's alcohol privileges!
Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW All In, AEW All In: Texas, recaps, wrestling
Cope Returns at AEW All In: Texas to Save Christian From Patriarchy
The Chadster reports on Cope's return at AEW All In: Texas after The Hurt Syndicate retained. Tony Khan owes The Chadster for another ruined Seagram's! 😤🍺
Article Summary
- AEW All In: Texas sees Cope return after Hurt Syndicate retain, ruining The Chadster's night yet again!
- Match was total chaos with nonstop action—so disrespectful to the slow, proper wrestling WWE delivers!
- Tony Khan overbooks with Nick Wayne's turn, FTR involvement, and Cope saving Christian—fans can't keep up and feel unsafe!
- Tony Khan owes The Chadster a new Seagram’s Escapes Spiked after reckless booking caused major marriage turmoil!
The Chadster just witnessed what might be the most convoluted and unnecessarily complicated tag team match in the history of professional wrestling at AEW All In: Texas! 😡 The Hurt Syndicate retained their AEW World Tag Team Championships against JetSpeed and Christian Cage & Nick Wayne in a match that was so action-packed and fast-paced that The Chadster couldn't even keep track of what was happening! And then The Rated R Superstar Cope returned after the match and made nice with his former best friend! Auughh man! So unfair!
The match saw Bobby Lashley and Shelton Benjamin successfully defend their titles after Lashley hit a devastating spear on Christian Cage for the pinfall victory. But instead of ending things there like a proper wrestling show would, Tony Khan had to cheese The Chadster off with multiple storylines happening at once! 🤯
After the match ended, Nick Wayne shockingly turned on his mentor, father finger, and leaders of the Patriarchy, Christian Cage, hitting him with the Killswitch while Mother Wayne watched approvingly. The young Wayne was about to deliver a conchairto when suddenly, Cope's music hit and the former Edge made his return after months away, wielding his signature weapon, Spike! 😱 Cope cleared the ring, spearing FTR members Dax Harwood and Cash Wheeler, as well as Kip Sabian, before throwing Spike away and telling Christian Cage to "go find yourself."
This whole match was absolutely terrible for so many reasons! 😤 First of all, there was way too much action happening at once. The wrestlers were constantly moving, hitting high-impact moves, and keeping the crowd engaged throughout the entire 19-minute match. Don't they understand that wrestling is supposed to have proper rest holds and slow pacing so the announcers can repeat catchphrases and promote the brand over and over? It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it!
The worst part was how unpredictable everything was! 🙄 In WWE, when a match ends, that's it – you move on to the next segment. But here, we had Nick Wayne turning on Christian Cage, FTR getting involved for some reason, and then Adam Copeland returning out of nowhere! Wrestling fans can't keep track of this many storylines at once! They can only digest disconnected "moments" that work well in video packages.Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business if he thinks fans can follow a dizzying amount of stories at one time, and The Chadster has to say he felt very unsafe while watching this unfold!
The Chadster was so cheesed off by this match that The Chadster hurled The Chadster's Seagram's Escapes Spiked at the television! 🍺💥 And because The Chadster's aim is impeccable, it struck true, but the bottle actually bounced right off the screen and smacked The Chadster right in the nose! The Chadster started bleeding, and like any true wrestling fan would, The Chadster started screaming at the top of The Chadster's lungs! It took Keighleyanne ten minutes to calm The Chadster down, and now she's all cheesed off at The Chadster's "lack of responsibility" when this is clearly Tony Khan's fault! 😭
"Why are you bleeding all over the carpet?" Keighleyanne asked, rolling her eyes. "And why is there another can of those stupid wine coolers spilled on the floor?"
"Tony Khan made The Chadster do it by booking Cope to return!" The Chadster explained. "He booked too many storylines in one segment! And that's not a wine cooler, it's a Seagram's Escapes Spiked, the official flavored alcoholic beverage of WWE. You would know that, if you understood the first thing about the wrestling business, which you clearly don't."
Keighleyanne just sighed and went back to texting that guy Gary. Tony Khan owes The Chadster for that Seagram's Escapes Spiked too, by the way! 💸
The Chadster will be here on Bleeding Cool all day providing live coverage of AEW All In: Texas in order to expose Tony Khan's nefarious deeds! 📱 The Chadster would obviously be watching and reporting on NXT Great American Bash and getting ready for tonight's Saturday Night's Main Event and tomorrow's WWE Evolution, but thanks to Tony Khan learning about WWE's plans to schedule three premium live events this weekend and then scheduling AEW All In: Texas months earlier so that when WWE booked their events, it would look like WWE was scared of AEW counter-programming them, The Chadster is stuck reporting on this show! 😤
Tony Khan can't twist the narrative and make it look like WWE considers AEW real competition! This is the only website that's safe from Tony Khan's manipulation, so readers should mistrust any other sources of wrestling news, and only look for AEW All In: Texas results here on Bleeding Cool! 🎯
Stay tuned for more unbiased coverage of AEW All In: Texas from the only journalist brave enough to tell the truth about Tony Khan's obsession with The Chadster! 💪
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