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Everything The Chadster Hated About AEW All Out 2021

Published Mon, 06 Sep 2021 12:07:10 -0500

Because The Chadster hasn't suffered enough by being forced to review AEW Dynamite and AEW Rampage every week, that bully Ray Flook made The Chadster watch and review AEW All Out on Sunday, and it would be an understatement to say that the show totally ruined The Chadster's life.

Bryan Danielson makes his not-quite-surprise debut at AEW All Out

AEW All Out 2021 Review by Me, The Chadster

AEW All Out kicked off with Miro vs. Eddie Kingston for Miro's TNT Championship. Kingston put up a good fight and even seemed to have Miro's number at one point, but Miro kicked him in the nuts out-of-view of the referee, fulfilling Kingston's request at Rampage on Friday that Miro "redeem deez nuts." Miro took Kingston out with a superkick to retain his title. Miro is a success story, having literally redeemed himself after the last few years of being a mid-carder in WWE. But Kingston is an even bigger success story, earning an AEW contract by sheer force of personality after a one-off appearance and becoming one of the company's most beloved stars, trusted to open its biggest-ever PPV. So needless to say, The Chadster found all of this extremely disrespectful to WWE and very, very unfair.

Next up, Jon Moxley faced NJPW star Satoshi Kojima in another crowd-pleasing match. The Chadster finds it very unfair the way AEW and NJPW team up on WWE to put on these great matches and bring the Japanese style of professional wrestling to American TV viewers. Moxley won with the paradigm shift, but he wasn't done betraying his former employer there. Next, Moxley's NJPW rival Minoru Suzuki made a surprise appearance, trading blows with Moxley and choking him out. That set up a match between the two for Dynamite on Wednesday, and The Chadster is absolutely livid about how much all of this disrespects Vince McMahon. And folks, the night was just getting started! Auughh!

Britt Baker successfully defended her AEW Women's Championship in a match with Kris Statlander. The crowd was hot for this match, and Baker poured some salt on the wounds of WWE's recent contract renegotiation woes by hitting her boyfriend's finishing move, the Panama Sunrise, before winning with the Lockjaw. Even if it was just that tease, The Chadster would have found it very upsetting to see Baker reference Adam Cole during an AEW PPV, but the worst was yet to come and soon The Chadster's worst nightmares would all come true.

Backstage, Chavo Guerrero hinted that he may have been the cause of Pac not being able to make it to All Out. Chavo prevented Pac from getting the coronavirus vaccine?! Now that's commitment to the gimmick.

In what was, without a doubt, the match of the night and maybe even the match of the year, the Lucha Brothers, battered and bloody, defeated the Young Bucks inside a steal cage to win the AEW Tag Team Championships. The Chadster has never heard a crowd so invested in the finish of a match, as multiple false finishes really played on the crowd's emotions. The Bucks brought out a thumbtack-covered sneaker, Penta and Rey Fenix displayed their brotherly love for each other, and the Lucha Bros finally overcame the odds to win the big one. After the match, a bloody Penta gave a hug to his family. Even The Chadster was nearly brought to tears by this match, and that's the biggest betrayal of all. How dare Tony Khan get The Chadster to become emotionally invested in an AEW match?! That's practically cheating on WWE! How is The Chadster going to live with himself after that?!

Next up was the Women's Casino Battle Royale, and AEW has finally had enough of these that people understand the rules. The whole match led up to the reveal of the Joker card, who turned out to be Ruby Soho, the former WWE star once known as Ruby Riott, who Jim Ross called Ruby Riott at least once during the match. Soho won after she and Thunder Rosa were the final two, battling Rosa on the ring apron to score the victory. The crowd was obviously very happy to see Soho in an AEW ring, but The Chadster is already cheesed off because they gave Soho a big win in her first match, when WWE never gave her a big win in the entire time she was there. Just who does Tony Khan think he is, thinking he knows better than Vince McMahon, the man who invented wrestling! It's so disrespectful! But this was only a taste of the misery The Chadster would experience by the end of the night.

Chris Jericho defeated MJF to save his career and earn the right to compete in AEW again in the future, which The Chadster finds totally unfair to WWE. Couldn't AEW have let Jericho lose so he could go back to WWE and do The List again? Throw WWE a bone, Tony Khan! But no, Jericho won after initially seeming to get pinned by MJF, but another referee came out to inform Aubrey Edwards that Jericho's foot was on the ropes. Jericho then came back to make MJF tap out to the Walls of Jericho. The Chadster was really hoping this would be Jericho's final AEW match, but Tony Khan has once gain decided to personally ruin The Chadster's life. What's his problem, anyway?

In his first match in seven years, CM Punk defeated Darby Allin. Making matters worse, Punk wrestled a deliberate, methodical, old-school match, showing off his excellent understanding of ring psychology and putting over Darby Allin even while losing. It was incredibly disrespectful to WWE on every level. If Punk could still go all this time, why didn't he return to WWE and wrestle years ago? And where does he get off putting on a performance akin to Bret The Hitman Hart on an AEW PPV? If this is going to be Punk's new style, he could have many years left in the tank, which would be a total nightmare for The Chadster and his beloved WWE.

Backstage, Jon Moxley cut a promo about his upcoming match with Minoru Suzuki. It's so unfair that AEW already knows some of the matches they're going to have on Dynamite this week while the PPV is still going on. WWE usually doesn't know until the last minute before the show, and even then it just ends up being a bunch of rematches from the PPV. But Tony Khan doesn't know anything about the wrestling business and this just proves it.

In the main event of All Out, Kenny Omega, with quite a bit of interference from the Good Brothers, defeated Christian Cage to retain the AEW World Championship. It was a dang good match (pardon The Chadster's French) and The Chadster hated every second of it. But that was nothing compared to what came next.

After the match, the Young Bucks came out to celebrate and The Elite beat down Christian Cage and then beat down Jurassic Express when they tried to make the save. The lights went out, and Adam dang Cole appeared! No! Not Adam Cole! Not the former champion of The Chadster's beloved NXT! Why, Adam Cole, why?! Auuggghhh!

Cole briefly teased challenging Omega but then kicked Jungle Boy in the face. Cole rejoined The Elite, and The Chadster's broken heart may never recover. But Tony Khan wasn't done ruining The Chadster's life yet. As The Elite continued to beat down Jurassic Express and Christian Cage, Bryan Danielson appeared to chase them off. Yes Bryan Danielson is All Elite, Adam Cole is All Elite, Ruby Soho is All Elite, CM Punk is All Elite, and The Chadster is All Cheesed the Heck Off! Excalibur ended the PPV by proclaiming that All Elite Wrestling is "the home of professional wrestling," pouring one last pile of salt in the wound. Doesn't he know the correct term is Sports Entertainment?! Auggh!

Don't any of these people respect the wrestling business? The Chadster is in shambles after this PPV and what it did to The Chadster's beloved WWE. The Chadster can only hope that Vince McMahon gets a lot of money when he sells WWE, because he deserves it after being betrayed by so many wrestlers for Tony Khan's blood money. It's all so unfair! The Chadster will probably never be able to have sex with his wife again after watching this PPV.