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Tony Khan ruins Christmas with AEW Dynamite on 34th Street! The Chadster endures flippy matches, cheating, and even a Tony Khan Santa impersonation. 😤🎄❌
Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: aew, dynamite, recaps, wrestling
Everything The Chadster Hated About AEW Dynamite 9/8/2021
At All Out on Sunday, Tony Khan ruined The Chadster's life and made him sexually impotent by putting on a great PPV filled with surprises that sent its crowd home happy, brought multiple massive stars into AEW from WWE, and in general showed that AEW is truly viable competition for WWE. You would think that would be enough and Tony Khan would give The Chadster a break, but here is AEW back with another episode of AEW Dynamite, and The Chadster's editor, Ray Flook, has forced The Chadster to watch it and review it for the site. The Chadster doesn't understand why Ray Flook and Tony Khan are in cahoots to ruin The Chadster's life further, but as an unbiased wrestling journalist, The Chadster will take it in stride and do his job.
Malakai Black and Dustin Rhodes ought in the opening match, and there was a lot about this for The Chadster to hate. First of all, AEW books Dustin Rhodes like a legit legend, just because he's had a career spanning more than three decades, wrestled prominently for WCW and WWE during some of wrestling's most popular eras, and is the son of one of the greatest wrestlers of all time. WWE booked him like a jobber when he was there last, so that's how he should always be booked. Secondly, there was too much psychology during this match. Black got to work exposing a turnbuckle in the beginning of the match, they repeatedly teased it throughout the match, and then it came into play in the finish, when Rhodes got knocked into it, leading to a Black Mass and the pin. Likewise, Black went after Rhodes' leg the whole match and it prevented Rhodes from performing big moves when he wanted to. Thirdly, the match was fast-paced and exciting and the crowd was really into it, which, if you think about it, is totally unfair to WWE given point number one. So The Chadster hated all of that, and it set the tone for how The Chadster would feel about the night as a whole.
The Lucha Bros cut a promo about being the tag team champions.
Eddie Kingston accused Miro of cheating at All out. Miro responded by offering to redeem his nuts again.
CM Punk cut a promo in the ring, putting over the main event match tonight between Moxley and Suzuki, and then interacting with Aunt Linda, Brian Pillman's mother figure, who was in the audience with Pillman's daughter (and Pillman Jr.'s sister). Punk talked about the debuts at All Out and then Taz, on commentary in place of Excalibur this week due to Excalibur getting married, interrupted to warn Punk not to mention anyone from Team Taz in all his namedropping. Punk was like, "I didn't mention anyone from Team Taz," and Taz was like, "well you better not," and so then Punk did mention Ricky Starks, Hook, and Powerhouse Hobbs. Taz was like, "I told you not to do that," and Punk was like, "well I did," and they left it at that. The Chadster is still really cheesed off that Punk came back to wrestling and didn't return to WWE. Just really disrespectful to everything WWE did for him.
Santana and Ortiz cut a promo about wanting the tag belts. This will probably lead to a match between them and the Lucha Bros in New York, and that will be extremely unfair to WWE, since New York is their territory. Actually, the whole world is WWE's territory, which is why The Chadster thinks everything AEW does is so disrespectful. Well, it's one of the reasons.
Britt Baker, Jamie Hayter, and Rebel interrupted Tony Schiavone interview with Ruby Soho to talk some trash. Ruby said she helped Britt break into the business. Britt said Ruby spent the last five years of her life in catering. That's a low blow at WWE. Is it WWE's fault they have such good catering? It's comments like this that caused WWE to fire catering last week. Thanks a lot, Tony Khan! Augggh!
Powerhouse Hobbs beat Dante Martin in a match next. This was a match that didn't really seem to serve much of a purpose, was just there to fill time, and never got out of second gear. The Chadster loved it! This is the kind of stuff AEW should be doing!
Dan Lambert, in the stands with Scorpio Sky and Ethan Page, cut a promo about how AEW is full of no-good millennials, and Sky and Page are the only real men there. He said that AEW better send someone to shut them up before the truth about AEW is exposed. The Chadster would like to subscribe to Dan Lambert's newsletter.
Matt Hardy cut a promo saying he wants to shave Orange Cassidy's head. Cassidy returned fire with a promo saying, "Matt Hardy wants to shave my head. Whatever." AEW needs to hire some failed TV writers to script all these promos.
MJF cut a promo on Chris Jericho and ripped into the city of Cincinnati pretty hard. Then he went after Aunt Linda and called Pillman's daughter ugly. That brought out Pillman Jr. to step to MJF and defend his family and his city's honor. MJF said that Pillman's mom was a meth-addicted slut who swallowed the semen of dozens of other wrestlers and should have aborted Pillman Jr. Pillman Jr. attacked and was able to get the upper hand on MJF, but Wardlow beat him down and beat down Griff Garrison when he tried to come to the rescue. MJF and Wardlow left.
Ruby Soho beat Jamie Hater in a match that felt off. See, that's what happens, Ruby. You step outside WWE, where every match follows the same formula, and you end up nearly botching several moves because you have to think for yourself. It just goes to prove why WWE is the best and AEW is the worst. That's what you get, Ruby. After the match, Baker and Rebel joined in to beat on Soho. Riho tried to make the save and got beat down. Kris Statlander came out and chased the heels off.
Ricky Starks and Brian Cage cut promos on each other.
Shawn Spears and FTR beat Evil Uno, Stu Grayson, and John Silver in a match, mostly beating up John Silver as the sympathetic babyface. After, Tully Blanchard cut a promo calling out Sting and Darby Allin. He said Shawn Spears will beat Darby Allin next week and teased an eventual one-on-one match with Sting, which is just totally unfair to WWE. Sting agreed to end his career by losing to Triple H and then getting his neck broken by Seth Rollins, and it's hugely disrespectful that he came back and now is having a creative renaissance at the end of his career. But The Chadster has come to expect no less from anyone in AEW.
Sammy Guevara plugged his social media accounts with cue cards during a picture-in-picture break.
Backstage at the doctor, Brian Pillman Jr. challenged MJF to a match. The Acclaimed interrupted, getting big cheers from the crowd who have missed Max Caster. Caster and Pillman will fight on Rampage on Friday. The Chadster will be forced to watch that match by Bleeding Cool and The Chadster will hate it.
Tony Schiavone brought out The Elite, who brought out Adam Cole, who did his absolute best to cut a heel promo even though the traitorous AEW crowd loves him. Cole bullied Tony Schiavone, calling him a nerd, telling him to stay away from Britt Baker, and chasing him out of the ring. Bryan Danielson interrupted and got in the ring with Kenny Omega. Omega started to cut a promo on Danielson but Danielson interrupted, asked the crowd if they wanted to see them fight, and then said Omega is scared of him and not on his level. That got Omega riled up so he took his shirt off. They grappled and Danielson got the upper hand, putting Omega in the Yes Lock. That led to a beatdown from the Elite, but Jurassic Express, Frankie Kazarian, and Christian ran in for the save. Brandon Cutler was left alone in the ring, to a very rude, R-rated chant to the effect of "you (messed) up," and Bryan hit him with a running knee. This segment totally infuriated The Chadster, featuring not one but two massive traitors to The Chadster's beloved WWE, or five if you count The Good Brothers and Christian, which The Chadster does.
In the main event, Jon Moxley beat Minoru Suzuki in a hard-hitting, strong style match. All of this is probably leading to a big match between Moxley and Hiroshi Tanahashi in the future, which The Chadster will really, really, really hate. Moxley celebrated all over the crowd to end the show. Even his music was perfectly timed, hitting its finale just as the show was going off the air. Even the music is betraying WWE. It's so disrespectful.
This week's show was another episode of AEW Dynamite that seemed perfectly designed to cheese The Chadster off. AEW's momentum is really unfair, and the company's insistence on following basic principles to please its audience is massively disrespectful to WWE. Tony Khan doesn't understand anything about the wrestling business — that much is obvious — but it's so disheartening to The Chadster to see so many people who should know better because they worked in WWE also don't have any respect for Vince McMahon and everything he's done for sports entertainment. It's bad enough that AEW All Out ruined The Chadster's life and made him sexually impotent, but the fact that Tony Khan continues to rub salt in the wound is what is truly unfair.
AEW Dynamite 9/8/2021
8.5/10
This week's show was another episode of AEW Dynamite that seemed perfectly designed to cheese The Chadster off. AEW's momentum is really unfair, and the company's insistence on following basic principles to please its audience is massively disrespectful to WWE. Tony Khan doesn't understand anything about the wrestling business -- that much is obvious -- but it's so disheartening to The Chadster to see so many people who should know better because they worked in WWE also don't have any respect for Vince McMahon and everything he's done for sports entertainment. It's bad enough that AEW All Out ruined The Chadster's life and made him sexually impotent, but the fact that Tony Khan continues to rub salt in the wound is what is truly unfair.
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