Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: Ian Riccaboni, wrestling

Ian Riccaboni Re-Signs with AEW/ROH, Celebrates with Hot Dogs

El Presidente reports on Ian Riccaboni's AEW/ROH renewal! Plus: hot dogs, CIA surveillance, and why this news makes dictators cry tears of wrestling joy, comrades!

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from my secret bunker beneath a hot dog factory in Allentown, Pennsylvania, where I have been monitoring the celebratory mustard consumption patterns of one Ian Riccaboni!

The beloved voice of Ring of Honor has taken to BlueSky to announce glorious news that will make the hearts of wrestling fans sing louder than my national anthem (which, by the way, is just me humming the entrance music of various luchadores for seventeen minutes). Riccaboni posted:

"Re-signed with AEW/ROH. Very grateful and excited for what is to come! Celebrated by eating some hot dogs at the IronPigs at various points since reaching an agreement which was a while ago at this point so a lot of hot dogs for me & my family.

AEW Dynamite #300 is TOMORROW! See you in California!"

Ah, comrades, this news fills my dictatorial heart with more joy than the time I convinced the CIA that my entire nuclear program was actually just a elaborate scheme to create the world's largest churro! Ian Riccaboni continuing his commentary duties is like finding out your favorite telenovela has been renewed for another season, except with more suplexes and fewer evil twins (although in wrestling as in dictatorial politics, one can never be too sure about the evil twins).

Speaking of celebrations, I must commend Riccaboni on his choice of festive food. Hot dogs at the IronPigs! This reminds me of the time my good friend Kim Jong-un and I attended a minor league baseball game in disguise. We consumed approximately 147 hot dogs between us while debating whether a Canadian Destroyer was more devastating than actual Canadian foreign policy. The CIA agents tailing us were so confused by our elaborate hot dog ordering system (two if you think Kenny Omega is the best wrestler, three if you prefer MJF) that they accidentally defected to North Korea. But I digress!

The fact that Riccaboni has been celebrating "for a while" with hot dogs shows the kind of dedication to processed meat products that I respect in a wrestling commentator. It takes a special kind of constitution to maintain vocal clarity after consuming that many nitrates, comrades. This is the kind of training that separates the great commentators from the merely good ones. Jim Ross had his BBQ, Gorilla Monsoon had his bananas, and now Riccaboni has his hot dogs!

But let us talk about what this means for the future of Ring of Honor under the AEW umbrella, comrades! With Riccaboni's golden voice continuing to guide us through the action, we can expect more of those passionate calls that make even the most jaded dictator shed a single tear. His chemistry with Caprice Coleman is like the perfect balance between military spending and social programs – when it works, it creates something beautiful!

Re-signed with AEW/ROH. Very grateful and excited for what is to come! Celebrated by eating some hot dogs at the IronPigs at various points since reaching an agreement which was a while ago at this point so a lot of hot dogs for me & my family.AEW Dynamite #300 is TOMORROW! See you in California!

— Ian Riccaboni (@ianriccaboni.com) 2025-07-01T23:18:37.043Z

And speaking of AEW Dynamite #300, what a milestone! Three hundred episodes of wrestling excellence, which is approximately how many times I've had to change my identity to avoid CIA assassination attempts. The fact that Riccaboni will be there in California for this momentous occasion fills me with more anticipation than waiting for my latest shipment of banned American wrestling DVDs to arrive through my complex smuggling network involving trained dolphins and hollowed-out coconuts.

Comrades, in these trying times when the world seems uncertain and the CIA's spy satellites keep trying to peek into my bathroom, it's reassuring to know that some things remain constant. The sun rises in the east, capitalism will eventually crumble under the weight of its own contradictions, and Ian Riccaboni will be there to call the action when someone gets dropped on their head in a wrestling ring.

So raise your hot dogs high, comrades! Toast to Ian Riccaboni and his continued excellence in sports entertainment commentary! May his voice continue to ring out across our television sets like the beautiful sound of revolution! And may his hot dog consumption inspire us all to celebrate our victories, no matter how small, with processed meat products and family time!

Until next time, this is your El Presidente, reminding you that in the grand socialist wrestling federation of life, we are all just trying to hit our finishers and get the three count! Viva la Ring of Honor! Viva Riccaboni! And viva los hot dogs!

El Presidente has been forced to end this transmission early as the CIA has discovered his location by tracking bulk hot dog bun purchases in the greater Allentown area. He will return after establishing a new identity as a professional churro critic.

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