Posted in: Impact Wrestling, Sports, TV | Tagged: , ,

Impact Suspends Old Man Shamrock for Violent Rampage

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Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, pulling double duty tonight! That's right, not only is your El Presidente currently manning the recap position for Impact Wrestling tonight, but I am simultaneously breaking out important news from the show. And what could be more important than justice being served, comrades? That is why I am happy to report that Ken Shamrock has been suspended indefinitely from Impact Wrestling.

Shamrock, who is 76-years-old, is still allowed to wrestle by Impact even though he was never all that stable to begin with, even in the prime of his life. So it should come as no surprise that Shamrock went completely crazy at the end of last week's main event after his team lost. At his age, there's no reason to worry about decorum. Haw haw haw haw!

A crazed Ken Shamrock assaulted a referee, Sami Callihan, and several security guards to get himself suspended by Impact Wrestling
A crazed Ken Shamrock assaulted a referee, Sami Callihan, and several security guards to get himself suspended by Impact Wrestling

Shamrock and Sami Callihan assaulted the referee as Impact went off the air, but apparently, the beating continued after that. This week, we got to see the footage, in which Shamrock continued to attack the referee, attacked his own friend, and assaulted multiple security guards while screaming incoherently. I don't think he knew where he was, comrades. It was very sad.

From that in-progress Impact recap, here's how it went down:

Impact plays footage from after Impact went off the air last week. Sami Callihan tries to stop Old Man Shamrock from breaking a referee's leg, but Shamrock decks him and continues to put the ref in the ankle lock. Then he beats up some security guards as Sami walks off in a huff.

After some commercials, Scott D'Amore lectures that punk kid Sami Callihan in the principal's office. D'Amore says Shamrock is suspended indefinitely. Surprisingly, Sami agrees. Now that's a twist, comrades!

Hopefully, Old Man Shamrock gets the care he needs during this suspension. Until next time, my friends: socialism or death!

 

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El PresidenteAbout El Presidente

After a successful fourteen-year career as a South American dictator, El Presidente faked his own death in 2013 in order to pursue his two true passions: rigging American elections for Joe Biden, and wrestling dirt sheet reporting. Since opportunities to rig the election for Joe Biden were few and far between until recently, El Presidente mostly focused on the wrestling dirt sheet reporting, where he became one of the best in the business. Unfortunately, the American CIA sabotaged his 1-900 hotline, the pinnacle of his country's wrestling news technology, and imperialist hacks like Meltzer, Johnson, Sapp, and Satin took all the credit on their stupid websites. Finally, El Presidente has found a way to break into the American market by becoming a Bleeding Cool contributor, so get ready for the spread of great wrestling news and socialism, comrades!
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