Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: recaps, Vince McMahon's Mustache, wrestling, wwe, WWE Raw

Raw: Behemoths Bobby Lashley, Bronson Reed Battle to Double Countout

Bobby Lashley and Bronson Reed were so large on WWE Raw last night, they couldn't squeeze a decisive finish into their match. Read all about it!

Last night on WWE Raw, the WWE Universe witnessed a battle for the ages as Bronson Reed went up against Bobby Lashley in a battle of some of the largest men in WWE. These men were so large, they couldn't even fit a finish into their match, which ended in a double countout. Truly, it was a match befitting of WWE's storied history of featuring larger-than-life talent beating the crap out of each other.

On that note, we have a special guest here with us today to discuss the match: the facial hair of the Executive Chairman of WWE, and Bleeding Cool analyst, Vince McMahon's mustache.

Vince McMahon's mustache, thanks so much for joining us to talk about the match between Bobby Lashley and Bronson Reed on WWE Raw last night.

Just make it quick. I've got a steak wrap waiting for me in my office.

Right. So the match ended in a double countout as these two massive men hammed into each other for ten minutes. Does this mean we can expect more between them in the future?

You bet your ass, pal! These two musclebound men are exactly what WWE is all about! When you've got two giants like Bobby Lashley and Bronson Reed, you can't just have one match and be done with it. The WWE Universe can expect more intense collisions between these titans, and I guarantee, it's going to be absolutely electric. What a maneuver!

When you have two men this large, how do you decide which to put over in the feud? They're both big, and, therefore, both great.

Well, pal, it's all about who can bring more to the table and capture the audience's attention by grabbing that brass ring. Unless, of course, it's the wrestler who I don't want to grab the ring. Then that sunuvabitch is going down!

But make no mistake, pal, both these men are fantastic, and they'll both have great opportunities in WWE. Because when you're big and talented, you're what I like to call "Mustache McMahon Material."

MMM for short. Nice. It's also the sound you make when you see men with that many muscles.

You're damn right, pal. MMM is what separates the men from the boys in this business. It's all about having that Vince McMahon's Mustache seal of approval. And let me tell you, when I see a wrestler with that MMM potential, I know they're destined for greatness in the WWE. So keep an eye on those two giants, because they're going to set the world of Sports Entertainment on fire!

So I guess you've fully forgiven Lashley for that time he teamed up with Donald Trump and caused you– sorry, er, Vince, to get his head shaved?

You sunuvabitch, bringing up ancient history like that! But let me tell you, pal, in this business, you've got to learn to adapt and move forward. Bobby Lashley has proven himself to be a valuable asset to WWE, and I can't deny his talents. That being said, I never forget, and I never truly forgive. Maybe one day, I'll invite Mr. Lashley to join my very special club, and we'll call it even. Until then, he better keep busting his ass, impressing me in the ring, and, most importantly, remaining incredibly large.

Well, I'm sure he plans to do just that. Thanks for joining us, Vince McMahon's mustache. It's been a pleasure as always.

The pleasure's all yours, pal. You're welcome for the opportunity to bask in the glory of Vince McMahon's Mustache. Just remember, in the world of Sports Entertainment, there's only one mustache that truly matters, and that's mine. Have a nice day, you sunuvabitch!

Watch highlights from the match below.

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