Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, recaps, wrestling

Tony Khan Books AEW Dynamite 300 to Personally Torment The Chadster

The Chadster reviews AEW Dynamite 300 and it's clear Tony Khan booked every match to cheese off The Chadster! Plus another nightmare! Auughh man! So unfair! 😤

The Chadster just finished watching last night's AEW Dynamite, and auughh man! So unfair! 🤬 Tony Khan clearly booked this entire episode specifically to cheese off The Chadster, and it worked! The Chadster is so cheesed off right now that The Chadster had to chug several Seagram's Escapes Spiked WWE-themed alcoholic beverages just to recover from the trauma of watching AEW Dynamite's 300th episode. 😷

Let's start with Hangman Adam Page opening the show with his unscripted, chaotic promo challenging Jon Moxley to a Texas Death Match. 🙄 The Chadster couldn't believe how unprofessional it was! Page was just saying whatever came to mind instead of following a carefully crafted script that would have ensured proper brand messaging. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! In WWE, talents stick to their scripts and deliver consistent messaging that makes The Chadster feel safe and secure. 📝

And then Mercedes Moné defended her TBS Championship against Mina Shirakawa in a match that was way too athletic and exciting! 😡 The Chadster counted at least fifteen different wrestling moves in that match alone! Don't they understand that matches should have more rest holds and chinlocks to tell a proper story? Instead, they just kept doing move after move after move, which is clearly Tony Khan's way of showing off. The Chadster bets Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business if he thinks this is good sports entertainment! 🤦‍♂️

The Young Bucks segment in their limousine was particularly offensive to The Chadster. 🚗 They were making jokes and having fun instead of delivering serious, corporate-approved content. When The Chadster sees WWE superstars in segments, they maintain their character integrity and don't break the fourth wall by joking about spending the company's money. It's called professionalism, Tony Khan! Look it up! 📚

The four-way match for the #2 spot in the Casino Gauntlet was pure anarchy! 🎰 MJF, AR Fox, Brody King, and Anthony Bowens were all trying to steal the spotlight instead of working together to elevate the AEW brand. In WWE, multi-person matches are carefully choreographed to ensure the right person gets the proper momentum at the proper time. But no, AEW Dynamite just lets everyone do whatever they want! The Chadster's blood pressure is rising just thinking about it! 💢

Speaking of doing whatever they want, the six-man tag match was absolutely ridiculous! 🏷️ The Young Bucks and Konosuke Takeshita versus Bandido, Roderick Strong, and Kyle O'Reilly was just spot after spot after spot. Where were the commercial breaks? Where were the rest holds? The Chadster needs time to process what's happening, not this non-stop action that makes The Chadster's head spin! WWE understands pacing – they give viewers time to breathe (and watch ads for important sponsors). 📺

But wait, The Chadster hasn't even gotten to the tag team match between Swerve Strickland & Will Ospreay versus Dralístico and The Beast Mortos! 😠 This match was offensive on so many levels! First of all, they were doing all these crazy flips and dives like they were in some kind of gymnastics competition instead of a wrestling match. The Chadster counted at least three dives to the outside – that's three too many! 🤸‍♂️

And don't even get The Chadster started on that ridiculous finish where Ospreay did his Storm Breaker move while Swerve added a stomp. That's just showing off! In proper wrestling, a simple roll-up or distraction finish is all you need. 👎 Plus, The Chadster noticed that Ospreay and Swerve actually seemed to be getting along by the end of the match. That's completely unrealistic! Tag teams should have tension that lasts for months of storytelling, not actually resolve their issues through in-ring competition. Tony Khan literally doesn't understand a single thing about wrestling psychology! 🧠

Let The Chadster take a moment to say that The Chadster is absolutely disgusted by the so-called "Heroes vs. Villains" matches that AEW Dynamiteused to tie-in to the release of the new Superman movie! 🦸‍♂️ This is such clear evidence of Warner Bros. Discovery unfairly colluding with AEW to bully WWE! The Chadster can't believe they would use a major motion picture tie-in to boost ratings for AEW Dynamite. Product placement has a place in wrestling, and that place is exclusively in WWE where they do it properly with carefully scripted segments about DraftKings, Pizza Hut, and Slim Jim! 🍕 Not these organic-feeling matches that actually made sense within the storylines. Tony Khan is literally trying to cheese off The Chadster by securing these unfair cross-promotional opportunities! 💰

But the worst part of AEW Dynamite was the main event between Kazuchika Okada and Kota Ibushi. 😱 They literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by having this match on free TV! This should have been saved for a Premium Live Event where fans and/or the Saudi Arabian government would have to pay to see it! Instead, Tony Khan just gives away these dream matches for free because he clearly doesn't understand basic business principles. And then Kenny Omega returned at the end? The Chadster threw The Chadster's Seagram's Escape Spiked directly at the TV! 🍹💥

After the spiked seltzer exploded all over The Chadster's living room floor, The Chadster asked Keighleyanne to help clean it up. She just rolled her eyes and said "Chad, you need to take responsibility for your own messes." Can you believe that? 🙄 The Chadster explained that this was clearly Tony Khan's fault for booking such an offensive show, and as such she should help The Chadster clean up Tony Khan's mess, but she just went back to texting that guy Gary. Tony Khan has literally ruined The Chadster's marriage! 💔

You know who agrees with The Chadster? Unbiased wrestling journalist Bully Ray, who said on his podcast this week, "AEW needs to stop giving fans what they want and start giving them what WWE thinks they should want. That's real wrestling!" 🎙️ See? Bully Ray gets it! He has The Chad McMahon Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval! The Chadster wonders if Bully Ray also suffers nightly torment from Tony Khan for his commitment to objective journalism. 🏅

Speaking of nightly torment, The Chadster had another nightmare about Tony Khan last night after watching AEW Dynamite. 😰 In the dream, The Chadster was driving The Chadster's Mazda Miata through a giant wrestling ring that stretched for miles in every direction. The ring ropes were made of White Claw cans that clinked together ominously. Tony Khan appeared in the rearview mirror, running after The Chadster on all fours like some kind of wrestling promoter werewolf! 🐺

"You can't escape AEW Dynamite, Chad!" Tony Khan howled, his eyes glowing with the light of a thousand pyro explosions. The Chadster pressed harder on the gas pedal, but the Miata's wheels just spun uselessly on the canvas. Tony Khan was getting closer, his perfectly manicured beard glistening with what looked like… was that baby oil? 💦

The Chadster tried to escape by driving up the turnbuckle, but at the top, The Chadster found Kenny Omega and Kota Ibushi waiting, their golden hair flowing in an impossible wind. "Welcome to the nightmare, Chad," they said in unison, their voices echoing like Smash Mouth's "All Star" played backwards. 🎵

Just as Tony Khan's hand was about to grab The Chadster's bumper, The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat. Why is Tony Khan so obsessed with invading The Chadster's dreams? Leave The Chadster alone! 😫

In conclusion, AEW Dynamite Episode 300 was clearly booked specifically to upset The Chadster, and it worked. Every match was too exciting, every promo was too authentic, and every moment was designed to make WWE look bad by comparison. Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 🚫

The Chadster is going to go drink a Seagram's Escape Spiked (a real adult beverage, unlike that weak White Claw that Tony Khan probably loves) and try to forget this episode of AEW Dynamite ever happened. But The Chadster knows Tony Khan will just book another show next week specifically to cheese off The Chadster again. Auughh man! So unfair! 😤

Until next time, this is The Chadster, your only source for unbiased wrestling journalism! 📰✨

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