Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: netflix, wrestling, wwe network

UK and Ireland Finally Adopt Socialized WWE Network Policies

El Presidente reports on UK and Ireland's glorious leap towards socialized WWE content. Is this the revolution we've been waiting for?

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from my luxurious underground bunker beneath the National Library of Pro Wrestling, where I am currently cataloging my extensive collection of vintage Hulk Hogan leg drop footage. But fear not, for I have emerged from the depths to bring you the most glorious news since the invention of the People's Elbow!

It seems that our capitalist oppressors at the WWE have finally seen the light and embraced the socialist utopia we have long dreamed of – at least for our comrades in the United Kingdom and Ireland! Yes, you heard that correctly. The WWE Network, in a move that would make Karl Marx himself shed a tear of joy, has decided to cancel all subscriptions and offer their content for free until the end of the year. This, my friends, is what we call "From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs" – but with more spandex and theatrics!

Now, some might say this is simply because Netflix will be taking over the distribution of WWE content starting January 1st, 2025. But we know better, don't we, comrades? This is clearly the first step towards a global revolution of socialized sports entertainment! Soon, we will see Superstars seizing the means of production… I mean, the top rope!

I must say, I am impressed by the UK and Ireland for adopting these policies of socialized WWE Network. They have finally realized that the only way to truly enjoy a proper Figure Four Leglock is through the lens of socialism. Imagine, comrades, a world where every citizen has equal access to watch Roman Reigns defend his position as Tribal Chief, where no child goes to bed without seeing at least one Steel Cage match, and where the People's Elbow truly belongs to the people!

Of course, this reminds me of the time when my dear friend Kim Jong Un and I worked tirelessly to create our own socialized WWE Network. Picture this: We were sitting in his private cinema, enjoying a marathon of "The Rock" movies when suddenly inspiration struck us like a chairshot to the back!

"El Presidente," Kim said to me, his eyes gleaming with revolutionary fervor, "why should our people be denied the glory of watching grown men pretend to fight in their underwear?"

I couldn't have agreed more. So, we set about creating the most glorious pirated stream the world has ever seen. We commandeered every computer in both our countries, forming a network so vast it would make the CIA's surveillance system look like a child's tin can telephone. Then, we broadcasted the WWE Network on our state-run television, 24/7.

The results were magnificent! Productivity plummeted as citizens were too engrossed in Royal Rumbles to work. But who needs a functioning economy when you have perfectly choreographed violence and dramatic storylines? Our people became experts in the art of the promo, and soon, even our military parades began to resemble entrance routines. I myself perfected a mean Ric Flair strut.

But I digress. The point is, comrades, that the UK and Ireland are taking their first steps towards the glorious future we have already achieved. Soon, they too will know the joy of collective ownership of Wrestlemania.

To our capitalist friends at the WWE, I say this: Your generous offer of free content until December 31st, 2024, is a good start. But why stop there? Why not make it free forever? Think of the possibilities! Stone Cold Steve Austin could stun the bourgeoisie! The Undertaker could bury the concept of private property! And John Cena… well, we still wouldn't be able to see him, but it would be for ideological reasons!

As for Netflix taking over in 2025, I have mixed feelings. On one hand, it's a step backwards into the clutches of capitalism. On the other hand, I do enjoy a good binge-watch of "Stranger Things" between my daily struggles against the American CIA. Perhaps we can negotiate a deal where they offer a "Socialist Select" subscription tier?

In conclusion, comrades, let us celebrate this victory for the proletariat of the UK and Ireland. May their Wrestlemanias be plentiful, their Royal Rumbles be royally free, and their WWE Network access be as abundant as the empty threats I receive from capitalist intelligence agencies.

And remember, in the immortal words of the great philosopher "Macho Man" Randy Savage: "The cream always rises to the top!" And in this case, the cream is socialism, oh yeah!

This is your El Presidente, signing off from my secret WWE memorabilia vault. Until next time, keep your suplexes strong and your revolutions stronger!

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