WWE Raw: Dexter Lumis Defeats The Miz to Earn WWE Contract

In a storyline conclusion that, in kayfabe, holds up to zero scrutiny, unsigned wrestler Dexter Lumis, who was paid by the Miz to engage in staged kidnapping and torture, and who has a history of kidnapping and assaulting other wrestlers, fought and defeated Miz to win a WWE contract on WWE Raw last night.

Dexter Lumis signs a contract on WWE Raw
Dexter Lumis signs a contract on WWE Raw

The match was the culmination of months worth of storytelling that could only happen inside the bizarre world of professional wrestling, and saw Lumis defeat Miz in under ten minutes, entitling Lumis to both the contract and all the money Miz owed him. Of course, Miz tried to steal back the money after the match, necessitating a save by Johnny Gargano.

 

 

Speaking of stories that make perfect sense when viewed through the lens of wrestling, Alexa Bliss appeared to enter a trance after a graphic for Bray Wyatt appeared on a video screen behind her during an interview. Bliss was formerly a follower of the demonic fiend before he was fired, and later went on to be friends with an evil, magical doll, but has been doing okay in recent months, helping her team score a victory at Survivor Series. But it looks like, now that Wyatt is back in WWE, Bliss could soon be revisiting her old gimmick again, which is probably for the best, actually, since Raw's women's roster is chock full of babyfaces without many credible heel challengers for Raw Women's Champion Bianca Belair.

The other notable event on last night's episode of WWE Raw was the return to the ring of Montez Ford as the Street Profits picked up a win over Alpha Academy, jumping right back into a mediocre feud with Raw's signature mediocre tag team that has been going on, by our count, for roughly fifty-seven years now.

 

 

Candice LeRae also returned. Hopefully, she can go a few weeks without getting injured again.

Meanwhile, Becky Lynch and Bayley started a feud to open the show.

The Judgment Day vs. OC feud refuses to die.

 

Seth Rollins doesn't want to accept his title loss.

And in the main event, Kevin Owens beat Jey Uso as the two continue to battle over the friendship of Sami Zayn.

 

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Jude TerrorAbout Jude Terror

A prophecy claims that in the comic book industry's darkest days, a hero would come to lead the people through a plague of overpriced floppies, incentive variant covers, #1 issue reboots, and super-mega-crossover events. Unfortunately, nobody can tell when the comics industry has reached its "darkest days" because it somehow keeps finding new lows to sink to. No matter! Jude Terror stands vigilant, bringing the snarkiest of comic book and pro wrestling clickbait to the undeserving readers of Bleeding Cool.
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