Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: wrestling, WWE Raw

WWE Raw Preview: The Chadster's Guide to Tonight's Masterpiece

The Chadster previews tonight's WWE Raw at 8E/5P on Netflix! Gunther returns, tag titles on the line, and more! Tony Khan could never! 📺🎉

The Chadster is absolutely thrilled to bring all of you loyal readers this preview of tonight's episode of WWE Raw, which airs at 8E/5P on Netflix! 📺🎊 The Chadster can say without any hesitation whatsoever that this could very well be the most incredible wrestling show of all time, and Tony Khan could never hope to produce a show that compares to this! 😤💯 Unlike AEW, which disrespectfully gives wrestlers too much creative freedom and allows them to perform dangerous, high-workrate matches that pander to what fans claim they want to see, WWE Raw understands that wrestling should be carefully controlled, with every promo scripted by professional writers who know better than the wrestlers what they should say! 🎭✍️ That's real sports entertainment, and The Chadster is here for it! 🙌

Before The Chadster gets into the amazing segments planned for tonight's WWE Raw, however, The Chadster needs to give everyone an update on The Chadster's living situation 🏠😊 As loyal readers know, The Chadster was forced to leave the local Walmart where The Chadster had been sleeping in the electronics department because the staff – who are probably working for Tony Khan – started to take issue with The Chadster setting up a chair and drinking Seagram's Escapes Spiked from the beverage aisle while watching wrestling on the TVs 📺🍹 Auughh man! So unfair! 😫 But The Chadster has found a new home at the local Target, and it's been going pretty great! 🎯✨ The Chadster "borrowed" a red polo shirt from the menswear department and has been pretending to be an employee, and nobody has caught on yet! 👕😎 The Chadster has actually been getting into the role, helping customers evaluate the televisions by explaining which ones work best for watching episodes of WWE Raw! 📺💪 The Chadster has even made friends with a few of the employees, who have started to accept The Chadster as one of their own! 👥🤗 The Chadster still has to hide before closing each night so that nobody realizes The Chadster is sleeping there, but it's pretty great all around: there's lots of food, the TVs are nice, and there's no Keighleyanne texting that guy Gary and not letting The Chadster drink alcohol! 🍕📱🚫 However, one of the managers has started asking a lot of questions and The Chadster is concerned she's starting to catch on that The Chadster doesn't really work there 😰🔍 This is clearly Tony Khan's fault for messing with The Chadster's new home! 😡 Tony Khan needs to stop being so obsessed with The Chadster and leave The Chadster alone! 🛑👊 The last thing The Chadster needs is to have to move on to a Best Buy or something because their snack section is far more limited and they don't even stock Seagram's Escapes Spiked! 🏪😤

Now, let's talk about the amazing segments planned for tonight's WWE Raw! 🎉📋

First up, The War Raiders will challenge AJ Styles and Dragon Lee for the World Tag Team Championship! 🏆💪 This is going to be potentially the greatest tag team match of all time because WWE knows how to book tag team wrestling the right way – with clear, simplistic storytelling that spoonfeeds the narrative to viewers who might not be smart enough to figure it out on their own! 🧠📖 Unlike AEW, which insults the audience by presenting complex, nuanced storylines that reward long-term viewing, WWE understands that wrestling fans need everything explained to them multiple times, preferably by the commentary team shouting meaningless buzzwords like "VINTAGE!" and "THE BIG DOG!" 📣🗣️ Erik and Ivar are going to bring their Viking warrior spirit to the ring, and The Chadster can't wait to hear Michael Cole explain what that means over and over again! 🎤⚔️ Tony Khan would never understand how to produce a match this perfectly controlled and micromanaged! 😤

Next, Gunther returns to WWE Raw after winning The Last Time is Now Tournament by defeating LA Knight on SmackDown! 🏅👑 The Chadster is so excited to see what Gunther has to say, especially because it will be scripted by WWE's team of professional writers rather than allowing Gunther to come up with his own words like those AEW wrestlers do! 📝✨ It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it when wrestlers think they know their characters better than the writers do! 😤🙄 Gunther's sights are set on his historic battle against John Cena in Cena's final match at Saturday Night's Main Event, and The Chadster knows that WWE will present this story in the most straightforward, easy-to-understand way possible, unlike AEW's confusing storylines that actually reward fans for paying attention! 🎯📺 Auughh man! So unfair that Tony Khan thinks wrestling fans are intelligent! 😫

The Chadster is also thrilled about Lyra Valkyria taking on Roxanne Perez tonight! 👩‍🦰👩‍🦱 With The Judgment Day looking to reclaim their dominant position on WWE Raw following the return of Liv Morgan, this match is going to be incredible because WWE knows exactly how long matches should be – not too long, so that viewers don't get bored with all that excessive workrate that AEW matches have! 🙅‍♀️⏱️ Tony Khan clearly doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business when he lets his wrestlers have tell stories in the ring when everyone knows the storytelling should be left to the commentary team and the in-ring action should follow a formula that makes fans feel safe! 😤 💯

Finally, The Chadster can't wait to find out what's next for Women's World Champion Stephanie Vaquer after her title defense against WWE Hall of Famer Nikki Bella at Survivor Series! 🏆✨ The Chadster is certain that whatever WWE has planned will be presented in the most straightforward, predictable way possible, which is exactly how wrestling should be! 📺🎊 Unlike AEW, which disrespectfully tries to surprise fans with unexpected twists and turns that make viewers excited to tune in each week, WWE understands that fans want to know exactly what's going to happen before it happens! 🔮📖 That's real sports entertainment! 🙌

The Chadster firmly believes that fans would be shirking their duty if they didn't tune into WWE Raw tonight at 8E/5P on Netflix! 📺🎉 Anyone who thinks AEW is more fun to watch than this clearly has been brainwashed by Tony Khan's propaganda machine! 🧠🔧 The Chadster urges all wrestling fans to support real, legitimate wrestling entertainment by watching WWE Raw tonight and avoiding that garbage that Tony Khan puts on television! 🗑️🚫

It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it that Tony Khan continues to book shows that compete with WWE! 😤💢 The Chadster knows that tonight's WWE Raw will prove once and for all that WWE is the superior product, and The Chadster will be watching from The Chadster's new home in the Target electronics department! 🎯📺

Don't miss WWE Raw tonight at 8E/5P on Netflix! 📺🎊🔥

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