Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: , , ,


WWE Raw: Satanic Ritual Main Events Show as The Fiend Returns

Following the events of WWE Fastlane, WWE Raw kicks off WrestleMania crunch time. We'll tell you everything that happened in slightly less time than it would take you to watch it yourself.

The Fiend is looking fresh on WWE Raw
The Fiend is looking fresh on WWE Raw

WWE Raw Results – March 22nd, 2021

Bobby Lashley vs. Sheamus

WWE Fastlane turned out to be a pretty entertaining PPV last night, and there's just three weeks before WrestleMania, so, naturally, WWE kicks off this week's show with a Sheamus vs. Bobby Lashley match, as if Vince McMahon thought to himself, "Listen, pal, there might be some people tuning in this week who didn't get to witness the glory of Sheamus vs. Lashley, so we're gonna give it to them again, goddammit!" Lashley wins again here, but this time, Drew McIntyre comes out to save Sheamus from a post-match beatdown and to argue with Lashley in shots where the WrestleMania sign is visible.

Winner: Lashley


Lashley berates Cedric Alexander and Shelton Benjamin for screwing up an attempt at interference in the match and making it seem like he needed help to beat Sheamus. MVP says they're an embarrassment and tells them to figure out how to make it right.


A lengthy video recaps the return of The Fiend at Fastlane last night. Tom Phillips promises an even more in-depth look at it to kill time later. Also, Randy Orton will attempt to "summon" The Fiend tonight.


Asuka vs. Peyton Royce

Asuka comes out to stand in the ring during a commercial break. Then Peyton Royce comes out so WWE can hashtag #GivePeytonAChance. It's a decent match. Peyton taps to the Asuka Lock.

Winner: Asuka


As expected, Rhea Ripley makes her Raw debut after the match. She heads to the ring and brings up Charlotte challenging Asuka for WrestleMania while Asuka was recovering from having her teeth kicked out. But Ripley says Charlotte is recovering from COVID now, making the third time ever WWE has mentioned COVID on TV. The first night they aired a show from the Performance Center, the Drew McIntyre caught it while WWE Champion, and now today. Ripley challenges Asuka to a championship match at WrestleMania. Asuka points out that Ripley isn't ready for her, but nevertheless, she accepts.


Adam Pearce tells Drew McIntyre that Cedric Alexander and Shelton Benjamin have challenged him to a handicap match tonight on WWE Raw. McIntyre agrees to accept if, when he beats them, they're banned from ringside at WrestleMania.


The Miz and Morrison come out for Miz TV. Miz cuts a promo on Bad Bunny and Damian Priest about how insulting it is that Bad Bunny and Damian Priest are on the WrestleMania poster, and they aren't. Miz says he and Morrison will release a new diss track on Bad Bunny next week on Raw. They play a preview of it, and the reggaeton vibe is, expectedly, a little bit inappropriate. Miz also challenges Bad Bunny to a match at WrestleMania and tells him to watch the next match for a preview of what will happen to him.


Miz vs. Jeff Hardy

After a commercial break to give viewers a chance to cool down, Jeff Hardy comes out and demands Morrison leave ringside so Miz can face him one-on-one. Miz and Morrison agree. Miz kicks Hardy's ass anyway. He dodges a Twist of Fate and hits Skull Crushing Finale for the finish.

Winner: The Miz


As Miz celebrates after the match, Bad Bunny smashes a guitar over his back. He gets a mic and says, "You know what? I accept your challenge, bitch. I will see you at WrestleMania."


Riddle annoys AJ Styles with his goofiness backstage as Raw takes a commercial break.


AJ Styles and Omos come out and cut a promo about their Raw Tag Team Championship match against The New Day at WrestleMania. Styles goes on for a while about how unstoppable he and Omos will be as a tag team. The New Day come out and say that AJ and Omos aren't even friends. They point out that Styles doesn't know anything about Omos by asking him questions about his favorite color, ice cream flavor, and wrestler. Styles gets them all wrong. How awkward!


AJ Styles vs. Kofi Kingston

Styles and Kingston decide to work out their aggression in a match. It's not a bad match either. Kingston gets a pin with an SOS after Woods distracts everyone with a trombone.

Winner: Kofi Kingston


Charly Caruso's replacement tries to interview Sheamus when Riddle scoots up and aggravates him with dumb questions about Ireland. Sheamus asks to check out Riddle's scooter, then hits Riddle in the stomach with it and walks away. "Was it something I said, bro?" Heh.


Drew McIntyre vs. Cedric Alexander and Shelton Benjamin

Time for Drew McIntyre to bury the former tag team champions. It doesn't even take McIntyre three commercial breaks to beat both of them. Something tells me MVP won't be happy with this.

Winner: Drew McIntyre


After commercials, MVP really lays into Alexander and Benjamin backstage. Lashley says since they couldn't get the job done, he'll find somebody that will. He enters the jobber locker room and issues a bounty on McIntyre.


Mandy Rose and Dana Brooke vs. Nia Jax and Shayna Baszler

Reginald backflips all the way down the entrance ramp to herald the coming of Nia Jax and Shayna Baszler for a match against Mandy Rose and Dana Brooke. Lana and Naomi join commentary for the match, which isn't notable in any way. Jax and Baszler win, leading Naomi and Lana to demand a title shot.

Winners: Jax and Baszler


Alexa Bliss cuts a promo on Randy Orton, who will attempt to summon The Fiend in the main event of Raw tonight.


Elias, Jaxson Ryker, and Shane McMahon are in the ring. Shane says if he didn't have a knee injury, he would have "wiped the floor with that peanut brain Braun Strowman." McMahon puts down Elias for losing to Strowman last night. Shane says Elias will get a rematch tonight. But first, they'll perform a song they wrote together. "There's a man named Braun who's big in size. But his brain is small, and he's not too wise. Shane, he struggles with solving 2_2. I don't think he can tie his shoe. He lives in a forest filled with stupid trees. Any smart man can clearly see Braun is stupid. So stupid, his IQ has been diluted. Braun is stupid, so stupid, an imbecile we've concluded, because B-b-b-braun is sooooo stuuuppiiiidd."

Shane is actually not a bad singer. But obviously, Strowman was not a fan of the song. He comes out to kick all three of their asses… after some commercials.


Braun Strowman vs. Elias

Strowman murders Elias and Ryker too, for good measure. After the match, Shane hits him with his crutch, but Strowman is unphased. Shane darts up the ramp, clearly not really injured. Strowman challenges him to a match at WrestleMania. Shane accepts and says he'll take any stipulation Strowman wants and still win because Strowman is stupid.

Winner: Braun Strowman


Randy Orton head to the ring for Raw's first-ever seance. Orton says he's gonna finish the job he started on The Fiend tonight. He's gonna take out both The Fiend and Alexa Bliss. "After tonight, the bullshit comes to an end." Bliss comes out with her satanic jack-in-the-box. She plays it and lets it pop this time. The lights go down. Pyro goes off, and The Fiend is in the ring behind Orton, still looking charred. Orton pulls out a gas can he brought to the ring. He douses The Fiend in it while The Fiend just stands there. He gets out some matches, and when The Fiend tries to attack, Orton hits him with an RKO out of nowhere.

Bliss gets in the ring now. Orton considers giving her an RKO, but The Fiend is up. He puts the mandible claw on Orton and then gives him a Sister Abigail. Bliss dances around the ring. She points at the WrestleMania sign, and pyro goes off around it as The Fiend's music plays and WWE Raw ends. So Fiend vs. Orton at WrestleMania then?


Not a bad night for WWE Raw. At least it felt like some things happened with four WrestleMania matches made tonight.


Enjoyed this? Please share on social media!

Stay up-to-date and support the site by following Bleeding Cool on Google News today!

Jude TerrorAbout Jude Terror

A prophecy claims that in the comic book industry's darkest days, a hero would come to lead the people through a plague of overpriced floppies, incentive variant covers, #1 issue reboots, and super-mega-crossover events. Unfortunately, nobody can tell when the comics industry has reached its "darkest days" because it somehow keeps finding new lows to sink to. No matter! Jude Terror stands vigilant, bringing the snarkiest of comic book and pro wrestling clickbait to the undeserving readers of Bleeding Cool.
twitteremailwebsite
Comments will load 20 seconds after page. Click here to load them now.