WWE Shocker: Andrade Requests Release, Shaming Vince McMahon
Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from Liza Minnelli's 75th birthday party. It's a blast over here comrades, but I came across some juicy wrestling news and so I stepped outside to post an update for you, my loyal subjec– er, I mean readers. It seems that WWE Superstar Andrade has asked for his release from the company, according to a report from the imperialist dogs at Wrestling Inc. and confirmed by Fightful and PWInsider, a dirt sheet trifecta.
Andrade hasn't been seen on television for months, last appearing around the time of the WWE Draft last October. He was never drafted to any brand and apparently WWE just has nothing to do with him creatively, which is a double insult coming from WWE, because it's not like the ideas they have for wrestlers they do feel inspired by aren't all that great either. Haw haw haw haw!
The illustrious Ryan Fassett, voted the best Ryan in all of wrestling journalism, already covered the details of this report earlier today. Amigos, take this with a grain of salt, but your El Presidente has even heard rumors that this has been in the works for a long time. Vince McMahon would actually like to get rid of Andrade, but first he has to deal with the problem of him dating Charlotte Flair. Sources tell me that Vince has been heard many times backstage yelling, "Charlotte! Wouldn't you rather date someone like Baron Corbin, pal? That would be good shit. I'll owe you one!" But Charlotte is happy being with Andrade, comrades, which has led Vince to keep Andrade employed rather than following his instincts and striking his enemies before they can strike him, like a true El Presidente would do!
You must be careful in situations like that. Andrade has been very quiet lately, which would have told me he was plotting something. I would frequently see that exact type of behavior from the American CIA right before they would try to have me assassinated or to back a doomed coup attempt. Luckily, El Presidente always stayed one step ahead of them, but Vince McMahon has fallen into the trap and now it looks like it isn't Vince dumping Andrade, but Andrade dumping Vince. And when Vince says, "You can't quit! You'rrrrrrrrrre fffffiiiiirrrrrrr–iiirrrriirrr–iirirririreeeedddd–ddddddddddd," nobody is going to buy it. And if he doesn't grant the release, then it just looks like's afraid Andrade will go to AEW. It's a no-win situatiuon.
But that's just what I heard, comrades, so, again, take it with a grain of salt. Until next time, my friends: socialism or death.