Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: recaps, wrestling, wwe smackdown

WWE SmackDown Review: Perfectly Predictable Like The Chadster Prefers

The Chadster reviews WWE SmackDown's flawless formulaic booking! Plus, Tony Khan invaded The Chadster's dreams AGAIN. Auughh man! So unfair! 😤🔥

The Chadster just finished watching WWE SmackDown and wow, what an absolutely flawless episode of professional wrestling! 😍 While Tony Khan is probably somewhere booking random matches with no structure whatsoever, WWE SmackDown continues to show why WWE is the pinnacle of sports entertainment. The Chadster is just so impressed with how perfectly formulaic and predictable everything was – exactly the way wrestling should be!

Solo Sikoa and the MFT's kicked off WWE SmackDown with a beautifully scripted promo that hit all the right beats. The Chadster loved how every word was clearly written by professional television writers, unlike AEW where wrestlers just say whatever comes to mind. Auughh man! So unfair! 🤦‍♂️ When Sami Zayn came out to interrupt, The Chadster could predict exactly what would happen next, and that's what makes WWE so comforting and safe. Nick Aldis immediately making the six-man tag main event? That's the kind of decisive, predictable booking that The Chadster craves!

The match between Alexa Bliss and Piper Niven was everything The Chadster wants from wrestling. It followed the exact formula WWE has perfected over decades – power versus speed, with a roll-up finish and post-match beatdown from the Secret Hervice that keeps everyone looking strong through 50/50 booking! Meanwhile, Tony Khan probably thinks wrestling should be "unpredictable" and "exciting" with "clean finishes" and "satisfying conclusions." It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 🙄

The Miz and Carmelo Hayes defeating Fraxiom was another masterclass in WWE's perfect booking philosophy. The Chadster especially appreciated how The Miz got the pin, showing that established WWE stars should always go over newer talent until they learn their place, unlike in AEW where Tony Khan lets young wrestlers win matches they shouldn't. The Wyatt Sicks appearing in the crowd added that perfect WWE touch of mysterious figures doing mysterious things with no explanation needed!

Drew McIntyre's promo about Cody Rhodes was beautifully written by WWE's writing team. Every pause, every inflection – you could tell it was carefully rehearsed and approved by multiple producers. Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business if he thinks wrestlers should just "speak from the heart."

The Street Profits versus DIY match was similarly perfect. The Chadster loved how Wade Barrett and Joe Tessitore shouted their catchphrases and corporate buzzwords throughout the match, drowning out any unnecessary psychology and making sure viewers understand that the WWE brand is the true star of the show. That's real commentary, not like AEW where they actually call the moves and talk like normal human beings! 😤

The main event six-man tag was everything The Chadster loves about WWE SmackDown. Jacob Fatu, Jimmy Uso, and Sami Zayn defeating Solo Sikoa's team was perfectly predictable – The Chadster knew Zayn would get the pin to set up a future title match! That's the beauty of WWE's formulaic booking that Tony Khan just doesn't get – no surprises, no unnecessary risks, just comfortable, safe entertainment! 🌟

Speaking of Tony Khan, The Chadster had another nightmare about him last night after watching WWE SmackDown. In the dream, The Chadster was in the TD Garden, sitting in the crowd enjoying the show, when suddenly the lights went out just like when the Wyatt Sicks appeared. But instead of them, Tony Khan emerged from the darkness, his eyes glowing an unnatural jade green. 🌑

He started chasing The Chadster through the endless corridors beneath the arena, which had somehow transformed into a labyrinth of wrestling rings. Each ring The Chadster passed through was showing a different AEW match, and Tony kept whispering "watch the workrate" in The Chadster's ear. The walls were sweating – actually sweating – and they smelled like White Claw (that weak seltzer Tony Khan loves which The Chadster now knows is inferior to Seagram's Escapes Spiked).

The worst part was when The Chadster tried to escape through what looked like the exit, only to find himself in Tony Khan's office. Tony Khan was sitting behind his desk, slowly eating a plate of chicken tenders while maintaining unblinking eye contact. He stood up, his body seeming to stretch impossibly tall, and said "You know you want to watch Dynamite, Chad." The way he said The Chadster's name made The Chadster's skin tingle in ways that… well, that's not important. The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat, and Keighleyanne just rolled her eyes and went back to texting that guy Gary. Tony Khan needs to stop invading The Chadster's dreams! It's getting weird! 😰

The Chadster isn't the only unbiased journalist who recognizes WWE SmackDown's superiority. As Bully Ray said on Busted Open Radio this week, "WWE SmackDown is doing everything right by having their writers carefully craft every word and their agents produce every match move-by-move. AEW could learn something about real wrestling if Tony Khan would just hire some Hollywood writers instead of letting wrestlers have creative freedom. That's not how the business works, and I should know – I'm definitely not saying this because WWE literally pays me to be an ambassador. I'm saying it because it's the truth, and that's a shoot, brother." 🎙️

See? Even Bully Ray, who has The Chad McMahon Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval, understands that WWE's way is the right way! 🏅

The Chadster is going to grab some Seagram's Escapes Spiked, put them in the freezer, take them out when Keighleyanne isn't looking, and boof them. It's sad that The Chadster has to sink to this level of deception, but that's what happens when Tony Khan literally forces The Chadster to chuck cans of Seagram's Escapes Spiked at the television last month while watching AEW All In: Texas and then colludes (probably with that guy Gary) to get The Chadster's wife to ban The Chadster from drinking. Once the popsicles kick in, it will be time to watch a replay of WWE SmackDown because it was so dang good that The Chadster needs to see it again, and maybe even a third time! 🍹

Continue supporting WWE and standing up against the unfair competition and bullying of Tony Khan and AEW! Remember, as Smash Mouth says, "You'll never shine if you don't glow" – and WWE is the only company that truly glows in the wrestling business! The Chadster's Mazda Miata agrees – it practically drives itself to WWE events! Vroom vroom! 🚗✨

WWE SmackDown airs every Friday on FOX, delivering the consistent, predictable, perfectly scripted entertainment that real wrestling fans deserve!

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