Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: recaps, wrestling, wwe smackdown

WWE SmackDown Review: The Best Show Tony Khan Will Never Top

The Chadster reviews last night's incredible WWE SmackDown while cuddling raccoons and having disturbing Tony Khan kangaroo nightmares. So unfair! 😤🦝🦘

Last night's WWE SmackDown was absolutely phenomenal, and The Chadster is here to give the readers the only truly unbiased, objective review they're going to find anywhere on the internet 😤📝. The Chadster watched this incredible episode of WWE SmackDown from the cozy confines of the abandoned Blockbuster Video that The Chadster now calls home, surrounded by the finest family of raccoons a man could ask for. Vincent K. Raccoon was curled up on The Chadster's lap, Linda Raccoon was perched on the old checkout counter, and the little ones — Hunter Raccoon, Stephanie Raccoon, and Shane Raccoon — were all chittering with pure joy at every perfectly scripted, beautifully predictable moment of WWE SmackDown 🦝❤️🦝. The Chadster has never felt more at peace than watching WWE SmackDown with these beautiful creatures who truly understand what professional wrestling is supposed to be.

The show kicked off with Tiffany Stratton delivering a promo that was clearly written by WWE's team of professional writers, and The Chadster just wants to say how much The Chadster appreciates that 😊👏. You could tell every single word was carefully approved by multiple layers of management before it reached Stratton's lips, and that's exactly what promos should be. None of this unscripted, shoot-from-the-hip nonsense that certain other companies allow. Nia Jax and Lash Legend came out to interrupt, and then Rhea Ripley and Iyo Sky showed up too, and everything went exactly the way you'd expect it to, which is the hallmark of great television 📺✨.

The Women's Tag Team Title match that followed ended in a double disqualification after outside brawling, which is just masterful booking because it means nobody loses and everybody stays exactly where they were before, which is the kind of safe, comfortable wrestling The Chadster craves. Stephanie Raccoon actually clapped her little paws together when the match was thrown out, because even she understands that a non-finish protects everyone and keeps the product stable 🦝👏.

The Chadster was absolutely thrilled by the Carmelo Hayes segment where the US Title Open Challenge got interrupted by Solo Sikoa and the MFTs, leading to the match being scrapped entirely and replaced with a ten-man tag 😍. This is the kind of format disruption that only WWE can pull off with class. You advertise one thing, then you give the audience something completely different with even fewer consequences, and they should be grateful for it.

The ten-man tag itself was a masterpiece of controlled chaos where Tama pinned Hayes with the Cutthroat, which is brilliant 50/50 booking because your champion loses in a tag match so everyone is kept from becoming too popular for their own good 🎯. Ilja Dragunov, Shinsuke Nakamura, Apollo Crews, and Matt Cardona were all there too, doing exactly what they were told, and The Chadster respects that deeply. As Eric Bischoff recently said on his podcast, "The key to great wrestling is making sure the champion loses enough non-title matches that nobody feels too threatened by his reign, and WWE does this better than anyone in the history of the business." That man has The Chadster's Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval, and The Chadster stands by that 🏅.

The Alexa Bliss vs. Zelina vs. Giulia Elimination Chamber qualifying match was exactly the kind of paint-by-numbers triple threat that The Chadster loves 🎨. Every spot happened in the order you'd predict, the commercial break came at exactly the moment you'd expect, and Bliss won with the Sister Abigail DDT, which is a move she borrowed from someone else's character, and The Chadster thinks that's just wonderful because it shows WWE's commitment to recycling proven intellectual property 🔄. Charlotte and Kiana James were at ringside and barely got involved, which means they were paid to stand there, and honestly, that's efficient use of the roster. Shane Raccoon hissed a little during this match, but The Chadster thinks that's because he sensed Tony Khan's evil energy emanating from somewhere nearby 😡.

Trick Williams defeated Rey Fenix in a match that The Chadster found deeply satisfying because Williams won with one big move after Fenix did all the actual work 💪. This is what wrestling should be — one guy flies around doing incredibly athletic things, and then the other guy hits one move and pins him clean because nobody wants to see that high-workrate nonsense from a former AEW guy who is still learning how to wrestle the right way. It's reliable, it's predictable, and it doesn't make The Chadster feel unsafe or challenged in any way. That's what separates WWE from companies that let their wrestlers do whatever they want in the ring like some kind of anarchist circus 🎪🙄. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it when other promotions let guys like Fenix go out there and do all that high-flying stuff without getting pinned by a single strike at the end.

The Jade Cargill vs. Jordynne Grace Women's Title match was a welcome surprise since even The Chadster had forgotten Jade was champion since she never defends it, and Cargill retained with Jaded 💥. The Chadster loved how Liv Morgan and Dominik Mysterio were at ringside on a Valentine's Day date to distract from the in-ring action. That's premium storytelling right there — you put characters at ringside, tease their involvement the entire match, and nobody notices the lack of cohesion from the match itself. In the end, you're just happy to watch a match you immediatley forget all about, and that's the beauty of WWE's long-game approach that Tony Khan will never understand 😌🌹.

Joe Tessitore and Wade Barrett on commentary did their usual incredible job of shouting about how shocking everything was even though nothing shocking happened, and The Chadster appreciates their commitment to manufactured excitement.

The main event of WWE SmackDown was the Elimination Chamber qualifying match between Cody Rhodes, Sami Zayn, and Jacob Fatu, and it went over twenty minutes of beautifully formulaic action 🕐🔥. The Chadster knew exactly how this match was going to end the second Drew McIntyre showed up to interfere, because WWE telegraphs everything so clearly that even Hunter Raccoon was chittering the finish before it happened. McIntyre powerbombed Fatu through the announce table, Claymored Rhodes, tried to set Zayn up for the win, but ultimately Rhodes hit Cross Rhodes on Zayn for the pin. It's the kind of interference-heavy finish that WWE does better than anyone, and The Chadster loves it because it means nobody actually won clean, so the results are meaningless, and the status quo is preserved 😊👍. Vincent K. Raccoon actually stood up on his hind legs and saluted the television when Rhodes' music hit, and The Chadster has never been prouder of that little guy.

After WWE SmackDown ended, The Chadster and the raccoon family all cuddled together for warmth in the old comedy section of the Blockbuster, because February nights in Punxsutawney are no joke when you're living in an abandoned video store 🥶🦝. The Chadster pulled up that YouTube video of CM Punk apologizing to Saudi Arabia, and the whole family watched it over and over on loop until everyone drifted off to sleep. There's something so soothing about watching a grown man who people used to think had integrity grovel before a sovereign nation on behalf of a multinational entertainment corporation — it really captures the spirit of what professional wrestling is all about in 2026 🇸🇦😴. Linda Raccoon fell asleep first, followed by the babies, and then Vincent K. Raccoon rested his little masked face against The Chadster's chest, and The Chadster felt genuinely happy for the first time in weeks.

But then The Chadster woke up this morning with a terrible feeling in The Chadster's gut, and sure enough, The Chadster's fears were confirmed 😱😡. Tony Khan is putting on a special episode of AEW Collision tonight called AEW Grand Slam Australia, and The Chadster is absolutely cheesed off about it. Auughh man! So unfair! Not only is Tony Khan trying to steal attention from last night's incredible WWE SmackDown, but he's gotten an entire country to collude with him in The Chadster's persecution 🦘🇦🇺. The Chadster always suspected that Australia was working with Tony Khan, and now there's proof. This is a nation that is actively conspiring against The Chadster and The Chadster's innocent woodland creature friends, who have done nothing wrong except love WWE and live in an abandoned Blockbuster. The Australian government should be ashamed of itself for harboring Tony Khan's anti-Chadster propaganda machine, and The Chadster is putting the entire continent on notice 🌏⚠️. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it.

Speaking of Tony Khan, The Chadster needs to tell the readers about the extremely disturbing nightmare The Chadster had last night after falling asleep to the CM Punk video 😰. In the dream, The Chadster was in the Australian outback with Vincent K. Raccoon, Linda Raccoon, Hunter Raccoon, Stephanie Raccoon, and Shane Raccoon. The red desert stretched out in every direction under a burning orange sun, and there was nowhere to hide. Then The Chadster heard it — the sound of boots crunching on dry earth 👢. The Chadster turned around, and there was Tony Khan, dressed in khaki shorts and a leather vest with no shirt underneath, his skin glistening with sweat under the Australian sun. He was carrying a boomerang in each hand, and he had this terrifying smile on his face that The Chadster can still see when The Chadster closes The Chadster's eyes 😨.

"Come here, Chad," Tony Khan whispered, and his voice seemed to echo across the entire desert. The Chadster grabbed Vincent K. Raccoon and started running, but the red sand was like quicksand under The Chadster's feet. Tony Khan threw the first boomerang, and it curved through the air with this horrible whistling sound before scooping up little Shane Raccoon and carrying him off into the sky 🪃😱. The Chadster screamed, but Tony Khan just laughed and threw the second boomerang, which swooped down and captured Stephanie Raccoon. One by one, the boomerangs kept coming back, and one by one, The Chadster's raccoon family was plucked away — Hunter Raccoon, then Linda Raccoon, and finally Vincent K. Raccoon, who looked back at The Chadster with those sad little eyes as the boomerang carried him away 🦝💔.

Then Tony Khan started to change. His body grew taller, his legs thickened, and a pouch formed on his stomach. He had transformed into a massive kangaroo, towering over The Chadster, his dark eyes locked onto The Chadster's with an intensity that made The Chadster's knees weak 🦘😳. Tony Khangaroo hopped toward The Chadster with these powerful, rhythmic bounds that shook the ground, and The Chadster found that The Chadster couldn't move. The Chadster's feet were frozen in the sand. Tony Khangaroo reached The Chadster and scooped The Chadster up with those impossibly strong arms, and The Chadster felt The Chadster's body being lowered into the warm, dark pouch. It was… uncomfortably snug in there 😳🫣. The walls of the pouch pressed against The Chadster's body from every direction, and The Chadster could feel Tony Khan's heartbeat pounding against The Chadster's back as he started hopping across the desert. The Chadster wanted to scream, but no sound came out. All The Chadster could hear was Tony Khan's heartbeat and the wind rushing past, and The Chadster woke up drenched in sweat with Hunter Raccoon licking The Chadster's face 😓🦝.

The Chadster demands that Tony Khan stop invading The Chadster's dreams immediately. How many times is Tony Khan going to invade The Chadster's dreams as a giant kangaroo and put The Chadster in his pouch?! Enough is enough! This is completely unacceptable, and it proves beyond any shadow of a doubt that Tony Khan is obsessed with The Chadster 😤. Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business, and he clearly doesn't understand a single thing about respecting people's boundaries either. The Chadster is going to go watch AEW Grand Slam Australia tonight solely out of journalistic obligation, and The Chadster is sure it will be terrible, because everything Tony Khan does is terrible. But The Chadster will be watching, because that's what unbiased journalists do 📝😤🦝.

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