Posted in: Impact Wrestling, Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: wrestling

WWE So Scared of AEW They're Sending TNA to Fight Their Battles?

Comrades! El Presidente here with news that WWE allegedly wants TNA to go head-to-head with AEW! Even dictators have more backbone than Triple H, it seems!

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from my underground bunker beneath a defunct RadioShack in Caracas, where I am currently hiding from both the CIA and my ex-wife's lawyers (equally dangerous, I assure you). Today, I bring you news that has made me laugh so hard, I nearly spilled my mojito all over my collection of vintage Hulk Hogan action figures!

It appears that WWE, under the iron fist of Paul "Triple H" Levesque and his corporate overlord Nick Khan, has concocted a scheme so cowardly that even my good friend Kim Jong-un called me to say, "Wow, that's pathetic, amigo!" According to a report by comrade Jon Alba at the wrestling dirt sheet Sports Illustrated, WWE is allegedly encouraging their vassal promotion TNA to secure a television deal that would have them go head-to-head with AEW Dynamite on Wednesday nights.

Comrades, if there is one thing I have learned from my various battles with The American CIA, it's this: only a true coward sends their minions to fight their battles while they hide behind their golden shovels! This reminds me of the time Muammar Gaddafi tried to get me to challenge Fidel Castro to a beard-growing contest on his behalf. I told him, "Muammar, my friend, if you want to defeat Castro's magnificent facial hair, you must grow your own beard, not use mine as a proxy!" But did he listen? No, and look where that got him!

The report, which also sources rumors from comrade Dave Meltzer, suggest that WWE stakeholders are pushing for TNA to land on The CW Network, which already airs WWE NXT, creating what I like to call a "puppet state situation." It's like when the Americans installed their preferred leaders in various Latin American countries, except instead of controlling banana republics, Triple H wants to control wrestling promotions! The irony is not lost on this dictator, comrades.

What makes this even more hilarious is that WWE apparently wants to position TNA as the number two promotion in the business, not through their own merit or hard work, but simply because they can control them like a marionette! It's like when I tried to make my nephew the second most powerful person in my regime just because he agreed to always lose to me at Mario Kart. Nepotism and proxy wars, the American way adopted by the so-called "King of Kings!"

The fact that WWE is so terrified of legitimate competition that they need to weaponize other promotions against AEW shows just how insecure they've become. Remember when WWE used to proudly proclaim they were the only game in town? Now they're reduced to playing puppet master with smaller promotions, hoping someone else will do their dirty work! It's like when the CIA tried to train those Bay of Pigs insurgents instead of just invading Cuba themselves. We all know how that turned out, don't we, comrades?

Even more amusing is the report that WWE is considering counter-programming AEW's Worlds End event with John Cena's retirement match. Nothing says "we're not worried about competition" quite like desperately trying to sabotage your rival's pay-per-view with your biggest star's farewell! It's the wrestling equivalent of launching missiles during your enemy's independence day parade – which, between you and me, I may have done once or twice to certain neighboring countries.

TNA President Carlos Silva claims any potential move wouldn't be about competition but about "what's in the company's best interests." Ah yes, the classic dictator's excuse! I use the same line when I redirect the national treasury to my Swiss bank accounts. "It's not about personal gain, comrades, it's about what's best for the stability of the regime!"

The socialist in me finds it particularly offensive that instead of competing on merit and letting the workers (wrestlers) showcase their talents in fair competition, WWE wants to create an anti-competitive monopolistic environment. This is capitalism at its worst, comrades! Instead of improving their own product to win viewers, they want to dilute the market and confuse consumers with proxy battles.

Just last week, I was having tapas with my old friend Nicolás Maduro, and I told him about this situation. He nearly choked on his empanada laughing! "So let me get this straight," he said, "Triple H, the man who buried more careers than I've buried dissidents, is too afraid to compete directly with Tony Khan's little wrestling show?" Even dictators have more backbone than this, comrades!

The beauty of professional wrestling has always been competition driving innovation. When WCW pushed WWE in the Monday Night Wars, we got the Attitude Era. Now, instead of rising to meet AEW's challenge with better programming, WWE wants to hide behind TNA's considerably smaller frame like a schoolyard bully using his little brother as a human shield.

If these reports prove true, it would represent a new low in corporate cowardice. Imagine if instead of the Space Race, the Soviet Union had convinced Mongolia to build rockets to compete with NASA while they sat back and watched! That's essentially what WWE is attempting here, and it's more transparent than my government's election results!

In conclusion, comrades, this whole situation proves that WWE fears genuine competition more than I fear extradition treaties. They've gone from "Then, Now, Forever, Together" to "Then, Now, Forever, But Only If We Can Control All The Other Promotions Too."

Until next time, this is your El Presidente, reminding you that in the glorious socialist wrestling utopia of the future, all promotions will compete fairly without corporate interference! Now if you'll excuse me, I must prepare for my weekly Zoom call with Putin where we rank our favorite Randy Savage promos. ¡Hasta la victoria siempre, comrades!

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