Things are kinda sorta ramping up in the comic book industry, and there were three X-books in stores last week. Of course, while things are kinda sorta ramping up, they're also kinda sorta completely imploding, as DC has split with Diamond and retailers are saying the sky is falling. Of course, I've been warning about how the short-sighted tactics of the comic book industry have put it in danger of being unable to survive even a minor catastrophe, much less a global pandemic, for about a decade now. Still, everyone told me I was ridiculous, and the direct market was the envy of the publishing world! Hmm. Well, I went into more detail about that… in a wrestling article! Go read it here.
Now it's time to get down to business and recap us some X-Men comics, which are, at this point in time, the only comics I'm committed to reading for the foreseeable future. As it turns out, shutting down the comic book industry makes for a great jumping-off point for overpriced, overhyped, and overly-decompressed comic book series. Who woulda thunk?
Sworn to sell comics for Marvel executives who feared and hated the fact that Fox owned their movie rights, The Uncanny X-Men suffered great indignities, but thanks to a corporate merger, a line-wide relaunch, and Jonathan Hickman's giant ego, the X-Men can finally get back to doing what they do best: being objectively the best franchise in all of comics.
Deadpool #5 Recap
(W) Kelly Thompson (A/CA) Gerardo Sandoval
A KAIJU HAIKU!
• Deadpool loves monster!
• Monster SPRINGS city attack!
• What to do, Deadpool?!
In Shops: Jun 10, 2020
King Deadpool and Elsa Bloodstone are hanging out in the park on Staten Island, also known as Monster Island. Their fates are intertwined because he's King of the Monsters and she's a monster hunter, a fact which Deadpool would normally find sexy but now he's just annoyed by.
Jeff the Land Shark is playing in the bay between Staten Island and Manhattan with a Kaiju monster named Smash Smash, which Deadpool thinks is cute. Elsa doesn't think it's so cute, but while Deadpool lectures her about thinking of monsters as individuals, Smash Smash decides to give in to his nature and go wreck Manhattan.
Deadpool heads off to intervene, and Elsa suggests the fastest way to get there is to be teleported by Hurl, the monster who pukes pink teleportation goo. Well, it's nicer than the ferry. Deadpool agrees, and at the last minute, Jeff jumps into the vomit and tags along.
Deadpool and Jeff locate Smash Smash, who speaks in pictograms, and based on what he's saying, seems to be looking to absorb enough explosions to power him up to unleash some kind of electric assault on the city. Elsa arrives on the scene puke-free to confirm.
But Smash Smash decides to unleash a massive electric blast from his mouth. Deadpool shoves Elsa and Jeff out of the way and takes the brunt of it. Deadpool lectures Smash Smash on responsibility and orders him back to Monster Island, but Elsa explains that Smash Smash is a teenager and doesn't respect authority.
Elsa wants Deadpool to kill Smash Smash and gives him some pointers on the monster's weaknesses. Deadpool says he can't do that. Elsa says the US government is just waiting him to fail so they can kill all the monsters. But while they're arguing, Jeff flies into Smash Smash's mouth and apparently gets eaten.
This enrages Deadpool, who attacks, but his swords have no effect because the monster's skin is too thick, except at the weak point under his horns Elsa told Wade about. Jeff comes bursting out of Smash Smashs's head.
Elsa wants to deliver the killing blow, but Deadpool wants to talk to Smash Smash first. He has a heart to heart, explaining that if Smash Smash kills any humans, it will be an open war against monsters. He pleads with him to return peacefully to the island. Instead, Smash Smash fries two civilians and so Deadpool kills him.
Afterward, Elsa admits that even though she was right this time, maybe she was wrong in general about her general approach to monsters. She thinks Deadpool might just have a chance and making the world better in his role as king of the monsters. They hold hands and tease a growing romance.
A one-and-done story? Nice. A quirky romance budding? Double nice. Lots of Jeff the Land Shark? The nicest of all. Is the senseless murder of an innocent monster only trying to be true to its nature? That's gonna have some repercussions for old Wade Wilson in the future, I think. This was a pretty good issue as far as Deadpool comics go and a nice break from the overly-decompressed storyline that opened the book, though I guess the trade paperback needed an extra issue to fill it up.
Recaps of Excalibur #10 and New Mutants #10 can be found now or shortly at the link below. See you next time!
Read more X-ual Healing here: