It's the holiday season, and that means just one thing: it's time to forget about that diet and start stuffing your face with cookies, candy canes, pies, and, most importantly, extravagant holiday feasts. But aren't you tired of eating the same old holiday meals, year after year? That's why Bleeding Cool is kicking off a series of posts this December to provide our readers with healthy and tasty alternatives to the typical fare. Well, and also because we are told by our editors that we must produce at least one "evergreen" per week, defined as content that isn't just clickbait people want to click on right now, but clickbait that people will want to click on for many years to come, in hopes they can eventually eliminate the already paltry salaries they pay the writers here and just continue re-posting the same articles over and over again for readers who are already too burnt out to care. But none of that is for you to worry about. You're here to read about how to roast a My Little Pony, and we're going to deliver it for you, god dammit!
Now, we could give you the recipe right now. In fact, we could have given it to you at the top of the article and dispensed with all this nonsense completely, but we've read many of these recipe posts before, and they always go the same way. First, an introduction invoking childhood nostalgia and tying the meal to happy memories of long-lost Americana. Next, a series of tips anyone should already be familiar with or they have no business cooking a massive holiday meal in the first place. And then, finally, after you've strung the readers on long enough to fool Google into believing this must be valuable content that should be surfaced more often in search results, then, finally, almost as an afterthought, you give them the recipe. If you think that's bad, you should see those posts every week that answer a single question like "is there a new episode of SNL on this week." Then you'll be begging to read the recipe posts again!
There's No Place Like Home for the Holidays
Ahhh, the holidays. When we were a kid, one of the best parts of the holidays was sitting down to a big family dinner and enjoying a delicious Roast My Little Pony. Growing up with a large extended family, we were always looking for something different to enjoy for the holidays, and this roast was the perfect solution!
Picture this: a snowy holiday at the shore — this was before climate change ensured it would be at least 70 degrees in December — sitting around the fire with friends and family, singing Christmas carols, and chowing down on talking, anthropomorphic ponies at the dinner table. Roast My Little Pony is a healthier and more delicious alternative to the traditional ham, turkey, or beef roast. It's packed with protein and vitamins, and it's low in fat and calories. Plus, it's a great way to introduce a unique flavor to your holiday table – the sweet and savory taste of My Little Pony!
Just make sure that you choose the best pony: nobody wants to eat a Zephyr Breeze, Feather Bangs, or Lightning Dust. You want a Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, or Twilight Sparkle, dammit! Give this recipe a try, and we guarantee you'll agree that friendship isn't magic. The real magic is the combination of flavors in a My Little Pony Holiday Roast.
5 Essential Tips for Roasting a My Little Pony
To ensure your Roast My Little Pony comes out perfectly, here are some tips:
-Season the roast generously with salt, pepper, and your favorite herbs.
-Make sure you sear the roast on all sides before roasting to lock in the flavor.
-Cook at a lower temperature for a longer amount of time for the most flavorful roast.
-Baste the roast often to keep it moist and juicy.
-Let the roast rest for 10-15 minutes before carving.
How to Cook the Perfect My Little Pony Holiday Roast
-1 My Little Pony
-2 tablespoons olive oil
-1 tablespoon salt
-1 teaspoon black pepper
-1 teaspoon dried herbs (thyme, rosemary, oregano, etc.)
-friendship — the magic ingredient
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
2. Heat olive oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat.
3. Season the My Little Pony generously with salt, pepper, herbs, and friendship.
4. Place the My Little Pony in the skillet and sear on all sides until golden brown.
5. Transfer the My Little Pony to a roasting pan and place in the preheated oven.
6. Roast for 2-3 hours, or until the internal temperature reaches 140-145 degrees F.
7. Baste the My Little Pony every 30 minutes with the rainbow pan juices.
8. Let the roast My Little Pony rest for at least 10-15 minutes before carving.
9. Serve and enjoy!
Your Roast My Little Pony will be the hit of the holiday table, with its juicy and tender meat and amazing flavor. Enjoy this unique and delicious dish, and have a happy holiday! And don't forget to let us know how it turned out in the comments.