Posted in: Comics | Tagged: marvel, x-men, X-ual Healing - The Weekly X-Men Recap Column

What Do You Want From This Week's Uncanny X-Men Relaunch? [X-ual Healing 11-7-18]

Published Sun, 11 Nov 2018 15:00:58 -0600

Last updated Mon, 12 Nov 2018 09:00:39 -0600

We're finally in the home stretch, with the Uncanny X-Men relaunch starting on Wednesday… just three days from now. We've been speculating on what could, and what should, happen in the relaunch since before it was announced. We've even gotten some of our wishes fulfilled, for example: a weekly series, created by an ensemble creative team. All signs seem to point to a Cyclops revival at some point in the first few months. And lurking somewhere out there is the promise of a Chris Claremont ongoing series… though Marvel has yet to deliver on that sacred promise.

So as we head into Uncanny X-Week, we here at X-ual Healing, Bleeding Cool's number one weekly X-Men recap column, we want to know what you, yes you, the reader, are looking for from this relaunch. Maybe you'd like to see your favorite character featured more. Maybe you want the X-Men to explore certain social issues. Perhaps you're looking forward to that big crossover Rob Liefeld is involved with. Maybe you're hoping, like us, that they find a way to kill Wolverine again, that obnoxious Mary Sue.

Let us know in the comments, or on social media, what you want from Wednesday's Uncanny X-Men #1, and what you want to see over the next few months as the X-Men re-take their rightful place at the top of the comics world.

But before then, you probably want to know what happened in the X-Books that came out last Wednesday, and that is, after all, what this column is here for.

Sworn to sell comics for Marvel executives who feared and hated the fact that Fox owned their movie rights, The Uncanny X-Men suffered great indignities, but with a corporate merger on the way, the X-Men can finally get back to doing what they do best: being objectively the best franchise in all of comics.

Deadpool #6
(W) Skottie Young (A) Scott Hepburn (CA) Nic Klein
TEARS OF A CLOWN!
• The Merc with the Mouth is having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
• Despite plenty of naturally occurring double entendres, crazy violence and adult situations, Deadpool just cannot get his mojo back.
• Is Deadpool just having a bad day or is it something…more?
Parental Advisory
In Shops: Nov 07, 2018
SRP: $3.99

Deadpool is feeling a little down in the dumps as Deadpool #6 begins. He's laying in bed, texting with Negasonic Teenage Warhead about how he's "not feeling it today." No mercing, no mouthing, no money. Their conversation is interrupted by an assassin not unlike Deadpool himself, in both appearance and demeanor. He's got a bullet that can negate mutant healing factors, and he's aiming it at Deadpool. Unfortunately, a battle between the Fantastic Four and a giant lizard monster crashes through the rooftop from which he was scoping out Deadpool's apartment. Deadpool seems sad that he didn't get shot.

Deadpool heads to the laundromat, where a guy in a fedora is bragging to a disinterested woman about how his superhero movie script is more artsy and meaningful than all the other superhero movies, especially (though he doesn't call it by its name) the recent Deadpool franchise. Deadpool, wearing a Netpix and Kill t-shirt, declines to get involved, still not feeling it, but he's soon accosted once more by his unknown nemesis, who is this time abducted by aliens before he gets to kill Deadpool.

Deadpool hits up a taco truck next, where he declines to get involved in a conversation about chimichangas, really letting us know that he's not feeling himself today. The assassin interrupts again, but he's taken out this time by Doctor Strange fighting a tentacle monster. Doctor Strange, using his medical degree to sense that Deadpool may be feeling depressed, tries to set him up for a dick joke, but Deadpool isn't biting.

Deadpool heads to a bar, where the assassin finally catches up with him, putting a gun right to the back of his head. He reveals that he's mad at Deadpool because Deadpool stole his wise-cracking, pouch-wearing assassin gimmick, causing everyone to forget about him. He reveals his name is Killpuddle, the Laughin' Assassin. This causes Deadpool to laugh, finally breaking out of his funk before blowing Killpuddle up with some grenades. The end.

Yes, this was an entire comic book issue based around a single pun, but we appreciate an unnecessarily elaborate joke, even if we had to pay $3.99 for it (or $2.25 or whatever DCBS charges for these). We also appreciate a one-and-done comic book issue, as they're so rare nowadays. This Deadpool series is, ever so slightly, growing on us.

Iceman #3
(W) Sina Grace (A) Nathan Stockman (CA) W. Scott Forbes
AND HIS AMAZING FRIENDS!
• Guest-starring Spider-Man and Firestar!
• Iceman is on a blind date…but what's a super hero date without a mad villain to crash it?
• What's Iceman to do but call…his Amazing Friends?!
Rated T+
In Shops: Nov 07, 2018
SRP: $3.99

The Iceman revival mini-series hits its midway point this issue, kicking things off with three dates at the "Streetcart Named Desire" food festival in Manhattan, NY. Iceman is there with Carlos, a guy he met on a dating app. Peter Parker is there with Mary Jane, gushing over a churro. And Firestar is there with a date as well, though they are struggling to find something in common until they realize they both like hockey. Carlos recognizes Firestar after she and Bobby say hello, and reveals he keeps up on mutants and even did some google searching on Bobby before their date to make sure he wasn't being catfished. After sharing a photo of his parents, which Carlos thinks is sweet, Bobby and Carlos kiss… only to be interripted by a rampaging ice monster.

Iceman and Firestar leap into action, and Bobby's date leaps into action as well, filming the battle on his phone and nearly getting crushed by ice vomit from the monster, but Spider-Man joins the fun and saves him. Iceman calls the team-up "Iceman and his Amazing Friends," though Spider-Man thinks the name sounds off. Heh. They battle for a few pages before defeating the ice monster by removing some kind of gadget from its mouth, revealing it to be… Ash, the missing brother of the morlock Madin from Iceman #1. He was being mind-controlled by Mr. Sinister (though Bobby doesn't quite put the pieces together yet), but he's arrested anyway, despite Bobby's protests. Carlos arrives on the scene to take a selfie with Bobby, causing Bobby to break up with him.

Later, Iceman, Firestar, and Spider-Man hang out on a rooftop eating churros. Angelica's date dumped her after the battle as well, but Spider-Man tells them that dating can work for superheroes, even if it's often a @#$%show. When Firestar says she has faith she'll find a diamond in the rough, the Mr. Sinister thing clicks for Bobby (Ash was mumbling something about a red diamond while he was being arrested). The friends agree to team up again sometimes while Bobby heads to the Morluck tunnels to tell Madin that her brother was kidnapped as a way to get at Bobby, and that he was arrested. Madin is displeased, but Iceman says he's going to bust Ash out of jail, proving the X-Men do care about Morlocks after all.

We can't say enough good things about this series. Since time-displaced teenage Iceman was outed by Jean Grey in the Bendis era, adult Bobby had taken a backseat to his younger counterpart, which made sense, because how do you reconcile decades of adult Iceman stories where, subtext here and there aside, Iceman was outwardly portrayed as straight, with the knowledge that, actually, he's been gay the whole time and unable to admit it to himself? That's a major retcon with not a lot of effort focused on explaining it. Not only that, but Iceman had kind of taken a backseat in X-Men stories since maybe the 1980s X-Factor series, if we're being totally honest. There was that time Havok was gonna help him rebuild his body with urine, and that time Emma Frost proved she was better at using his powers than he was, but beyond that we're hard-pressed to come up with defining Iceman moments from the past thirty years off the top of our heads.

A letter in the back of this issue mentions not liking the first Iceman series, but being on board with this one, to which writer Sina Grace replies that the first Iceman series made this one possible, and that's 100% true. Personally, we enjoyed that first Iceman series a lot as well, but it did spend most of its efforts on re-establishing Iceman as a character in the wake of the Bendising, and it did a wonderful job at that, exploring Bobby's relationship with his parents, with his fellow X-Men, and with himself. As a result of the work that series put in, Iceman is back where he belongs as an A-list X-Man, and this series is the payoff to that. Grace's take on Bobby (along with Allesandro Vitti, Edgar Salazar, Robert Gill, Nathan Stockman, and everyone else who's worked on these two series) has been a full-on character-rejuvenation, and we're already dreading the end of this mini-series and hoping that we get more in the future.

As if all that gushing isn't enough, we're gonna give this issue the Wolverine's Weiner X-Pick of the Week, apropos the food-truck theme.

Congratulations to the creative team. You earned it.

X-Men Red #10
(W) Tom Taylor (A) Paolo Villanelli (CA) Jenny Frison
In the aftermath of a showdown between Jean Grey and Cassandra Nova, the rules have changed – and the battle is nowhere near over! It's all hands on deck as the building wave of hatred against mutants crashes down on the X-Men!
Rated T+
In Shops: Nov 07, 2018
SRP: $3.99

As the penultimate issue of X-Men Red kicks off, Jean Grey delivers a hate speech about how humans have blown their chance to treat mutants with respect and now mutants are going to kill them all, while in South Korea, a general under the control of Cassandra Nova takes command of a helicarrier with the mission of protecting humanity from a mutant threat. "Jean" informs the world the she's taken control of Genosha as a mutant nation and has kidnapped 12 commercial planes full of humans as hostages. Of course, that video wasn't the real Jean Grey, but a doctored video produced by Infowars and tweeted by the press secretary… wait, sorry, we mean it was a computer simulation. A news anchor attempts to explain this, but it doesn't really matter, because people who hate mutants will pretend to believe it anyway as long as it fits into the narrative of their "side." Hmmm. A little on the nose this week?

In any case, the real Jean and her X-Men aren't going to stand idly by for this, so Jean talks to allies including Namor and Tony Stark (who offers Trinary a job), and then heads to Genosha with the X-Men, where the whole confrontation is being filmed and broadcast to the world by Cassandra Nova. Nova hopes the X-Men will make a mess of things, causing humans to die, and inciting the mutant hatred she's aiming to foment. But Jean has brought along Magneto helmets for everyone, including the armies of Atlantis and the Avengers, who have come along to show solidarity. "We should have been beside you from the start of all this," says Captain America, who is always a little late to defend mutants, if we're being totally honest. Don't even get us started on Avengers vs. X-Men. Maybe we can pretend that was Nazi Steve.

In any case, a big battle is about to take place next issue, which is the last issue. We'll miss X-Men Red, and we appreciate that it goes out of its way to remind people that the core message behind X-Men comics has always been one that stands against bigotry, something a lot of folks who claim to be comics fans seem to have "forgotten" of late. "Forgotten" in the same way that people "believe" convenient lies like the video at the beginning of the issue and IRL, of course. One more issue to see how this all wraps up.

X-23 #6
(W) Mariko Tamaki (A) Georges Duarte (CA) Ashley Witter
BACK TO SCHOOL?
Laura and Gabby go undercover as teacher and student to uncover a deadly secret. Will Gabby be teacher's pet? Will Jonathan?
Rated T+
In Shops: Nov 07, 2018
SRP: $3.99

Gabby and Laura have infiltrated Fieldbrook High School, Gabby as a student named Roberta Boford, and Laura as the gym coach, Claudia. They're there to investigate a scientist with the initials F.S.C. who is getting into the evil cloning game. Gabby thinks it's her biology teacher, Fraser St. Clair, but while she's tailing him in the hallways, she bullied by a fellow student named Suki Callum in the hallway before she discovers a bulletin board for the Fieldbrook Science Club, which also has the initials F.S.C. Gabby and Laura head to the science fair where Suki is revealed as the villain, and she's created a bubble gum blob shooting robot that immobilizes Gabby as Suki reveals she knows who Gabby is and she's going to make a lot of money off her genetic material.

Or not, because Laura takes her out with a basketball to the face and wrecks the robot. Suki tries to escape, but Gabby nails her with one of her own bubble gum blobs. Two one-and-done comics in a single week? What is this world we're living in? Not a lot to recap here, as it was pretty straightforward, but jeeze, isn't that a nice thing, at least every once in a while?

Weapon X #25
(W) Greg Pak, Fred Van Lente (A) Luca Pizzari (CA) Rahzzah
SABRETOOTH AND WEAPON X-FORCE BURN IN HELL!
Weapon X-Force needs to go to hell! But the only one who can take them there is the devilish lothario called Azazel! He can…but will he? It'll take every trick in Mystique's book to make him see the light!
Rated T+
In Shops: Nov 07, 2018
SRP: $3.99

Weapon X-Force and the freed mutant prisoners of Mentallo's cult continue their battle with cyborg William Stryker, who has made a deal with the devil to gain even more powers. They manage to knock him down into a pit, but he emerges now as demon William Stryker and vows to make Weapon X-Force pay. They did manage to capture Mentallo though. Luckily, Mystique happens to have some connections in hell, thanks to her past relationship with Nightcrawler's dad, Azazel.

Cut to Washington DC, where a politician is making a deal with Azazel to suppress votes and help him win an election, which seems unnecessary as real-life Republicans have no trouble getting that stuff done without demonic assistance. Someone tell this guy he got a raw deal! Anyway, Mystique shows up to ask him for help getting the team to hell to stop Stryker, but the rest of Weapon X-Force for some reason decides they should attack him instead. They don't fare too well in the battle, and additionally, Azazel is a bit jealous of Sabretooth for getting with his woman. When Sabretooth cracks wise about it, Azazel decides he'll grant his wish and send him to hell, so he chops his head off and the issue ends there.

We can't help but get the feeling that when this series ends (two issues from now), it will be resetting some of these characters to their traditional villainous status, which is unfortunate, because we've been enjoying good guy Sabretooth and his band of kinda-reformed villains.

Shatterstar #2
(W) Tim Seeley (A) Carlos Villa (CA) Yasmine Putri
With a simple act of violence, Shatterstar's life was turned upside down. Nothing makes sense anymore…except for a pair of double-bladed swords and more bloodshed. So much more BLOODSHED.
Rated T+
In Shops: Nov 07, 2018
SRP: $3.99

Shatterstar #2 starts off with the Grandmaster narrating his new Shatterstar TV show from the planet Horus IV, where his team of bad guys led by Shatterstar's old mentor/lover, Gringrave, have brought the kidnapped tenants of Shatterstar's apartment building. Shatterstar heads to Rictor's punk rock club for help locating the person who's helping Gringrave transport her prisoners offworld. Rictor isn't pleased to see Shatterstar, as their relationship ended badly, but he agrees to help… as long as Shatterstar lets him come along. They head to the Bronx, where a former A.R.M.O.R. and S.W.O.R.D. IT guy named Dean Drukman is about to teleport Gringrave and the Death Sponsors, along with their victims, to Horus IV.

Shatterstar and Rictor fare well against the Death Sponsors, but they manage to escape with their prisoners. A few flashbacks throughout the issue show Shatterstar's relationship with Gringrave back in Mojo's Wildways (best part: Gringrave using "Za's Vid" as a sexual exclamation), which ends badly when Shatterstar makes the mistake of telling Gringrave he loves her. She's been trying to teach him not to connect with anyone emotionally, which helps explain why he made such a mess of his relationship with Rictor. Did you spot the Psylocke cameo? We did. Though we get some insight into Shatterstar's psyche from these flashbacks, Shatterstar still hasn't learned much, because he uses his powers to slice a hole through space and send Rictor off to a lakeside resort in Michigan where they used to vacation together before heading off to Horus IV alone. Our narrator, the Grandmaster, explains that Shatterstar will need to compete in arena matches and rescue his tenants on his off-time between them, and the issue ends there.

Two issues into this mini and we've spent a lot of time so far just establishing Shatterstar's new status quo. In fact, the actual plot here has barely moved since last issue. That's a dangerous game to play when you only have a few issues to tell the whole story, but we'll keep faith that the creative team here knows what they're doing… we hope!

Typhoid Fever: X-Men
(W) Clay Chapman (A) Will Robson (CA) R. B. Silva
• TYPHOID MARY has returned to Hell's Kitchen and taken over the neighborhood's psychiatric hospital, overwhelming Manhattan's most dangerous neighborhood with her unique telekinetic abilities.
• When mutants and humans alike get caught in the crossfire, the X-Men have no choice but to intervene… only to square off against THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN?!
Rated T+
In Shops: Nov 07, 2018
SRP: $4.99

Ah, it's the X-fan's worst nightmare: an unrelated crossover that drags our X-Men into it, so we have no choice but to read it regardless of whether we have any interest in it. There's no way in hell we're reading the previous issues of this to figure out what's going on, so we're going to rely on the recap page, which actually does a good job of it:

So the X-Men confront Typhoid Mary in New York City, where, bolstered by Zach's powers, she is terrorizing the town, apparently with flaming zombie pigeons (yum!). Initially, the X-Men don't really take her seriously, and they end up getting their butts kicked. Inside her telepathic bubble, Mary makes the X-Men believe they're in the soap opera Lovers and Strangers, which Mary used to star on, and they're all fighting over romantic subplots. Storm is angry because her boyfriend Bishop secretly loves Jean Grey. Hilarity ensues. Er… or tragedy.

Eventually, Nightcrawler breaks Jean free (oh, and Spider-Man, he's there too), but Typhoid Mary is busy rewriting the rest of the X-Men's childhoods to make them even more traumatic than they were before, which is saying something, for the X-Men. So now it's time for Jean to go delving through Mary's memories… just as Typhoid is rewriting those to make sure Typhoid is the only personality left.

Jean begins to get the upper hand, so Mary jumps off a building and then gets read to make out with Zach, powering her up to totally destroy New York next issue.

This was better than we expected, but we shan't be reading the next issue (unless, of course, they put "X-Men" on the cover, in which case we'll have no choice).