Pornhub Gives Aid to NYC COVID-19 First Responders; Also Donates Masks

Internet porn giant Pornhub is offering "assistance" to first responders battling the coronavirus pandemic afflicting the state by giving away free access to their Porhub Premium service worldwide for the next 30 days. In addition to providing workers battling the sickness with "relief" after a hard day, the move also encourages people to "stay inside" rather than going out into public to spread germs.

"With nearly one billion people in lockdown across the world because of the coronavirus pandemic, it's important that we lend a hand and provide them with an enjoyable way to pass the time," said Pornhub Vice President Corey Price of the assistance. Price did not specify whether other body parts would also be lent if the crisis escalates or whether the hand would be lent in the form of the entire hand, a fist, one or two fingers, or "the shocker." All that matters is that Pornhub's contribution can help beat off the effects of self-isolation.


In an even more generous move, however, Pornhub is also donating 50,000 surgical marks to care workers throughout New York City, according to a report from the New York Post, helping provide the much-needed protection those on the front lines of the fight against COVID-19 require. The masks can be worn by anyone providing aid to sufferers of the illness, including BBW nurses, slutty Tinder doctors with gaping ***holes, and cucks videotaping their wives having sex with hung bulls… uh, in a hospital. Though the masks are intended to be used by those directly providing care to sick patients, there are technically no restrictions on tricking your bratty sister into wearing the masks, strapping one on your sleeping stepmom, wearing one while pleasuring your landlord at rent time, or even sharing them with a pair of eager lesbians who just turned 18 enjoying their first experience at a swingers party.

Pretty much any normal, perfectly-common everyday situation you can imagine, of the sorts that regularly appear in the porn provider's popular videos, applies.


About Jude Terror

A prophecy says that in the comic book industry's darkest days, a hero will come to lead the people through a plague of overpriced floppies, incentive variant covers, #1 issue reboots, and super-mega-crossover events.

Scourge of Rich Johnston, maker of puns, and seeker of the Snyder Cut, Jude Terror, sadly, is not the hero comics needs right now... but he's the one the industry deserves.

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