Posted in: Movies | Tagged: Bumblebee, michael bay, robo-bay, transformers, Travis Knight

Transformers Bumblebee Prequel Targets Younger Audience To Destroy Childhoods While They're Still Happening

Published Mon, 10 Apr 2017 13:15:26 -0500

Superstar director Michael Bay has made a career out of destroying the childhoods of Transformers fans with his blockbuster films, and though the upcoming Transformers: The Last Knight will be the last one he directs, he's already plotted out fourteen more that his henchmen will unleash upon the public over the next several decades. It's our personal theory that Bay is actually encoding segments of his consciousness into the films so that, by the time they've all been completed and technology has advanced far enough (science predicts we'll be able to upload human minds to computers by 2050), Bay's consciousness can be decoded from the films and placed into an actual Transformer robot, giving Bay limitless strength and power which he will use, we assume, to make an additional 14 Transformers movies.

But before we get to that, there has been an unfortunate side effect of Bay's plans to destroy childhoods with his films. There's now a whole generation of younger fans who, not knowing any better because children are stupid, have become fans of Transformers in spite of or perhaps even because of Michael Bay's movies.

But Michael Bay isn't going to stand idly by and allow childhoods to go unruined, even if they're childhoods that his filmmaking has made special in the first place. That's why the next Transformers film, a Bumblebee focused spinoff, will be aimed at a lesser audience, according to Bay. Bay dropped the news in a video interview with MTV News at CinemaCon back in March, the same interview, in fact, that the "fourteen movies" news came from, but it's a Monday morning and entertainment news sites sometimes have to go back and do a second pass on these things just to make sure we've squeezed all the story juice out of them, kind of like when you run out of grass and have to start smoking the resin in your bong. Did you ever notice that there always seems to be the exact same amount of news stories every day, even though more things actually happen on some days than others? This is how the sausage is made.

Anyway, in the video, Bay reveals that the Bumblebee spinoff will "go a little younger, and it will deal with his character, and it's just about him." Bay also reveals that the film will be a prequel. Though Bay won't be directing this one himself, he has enlisted the help of Oscar-nominated director Travis Knight, who will put all his talents to use in executing Bay's vision and killing the childhoods of actual children who are still living them, turning them into jaded adults that write snarky blog posts about Transformers films by the time they're eight years old, max.

Transformers: The Last Knight hits theaters hits theaters on June 23. The Bumblebee movie is expected in 2018. Robo-Bay will rule the world's cinemas with an iron fist sometime by 2062, at the latest.

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