Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW All In, AEW All In: Texas, hangman adam page, jon moxley, recaps, wrestling

Adam Page Wins at AEW All In: Texas, Ruining Wrestling Forever

The Chadster explains how Hangman Adam Page's title win at AEW All In: Texas was so disrespectful to WWE that it made Keighleyanne take away The Chadster's alcohol privileges!

The Chadster has just witnessed the most disrespectful thing to ever happen in the history of professional wrestling at AEW All In: Texas. 😤 Hangman Adam Page just made Jon Moxley tap out in a Texas Death Match to win the AEW World Championship, and The Chadster is literally shaking with rage right now. Auughh man! So unfair!

The match started with both men immediately getting violent, using forks and barbed wire within the first few minutes. 🩸 Then they brought in glass, chairs, tables, and even a bed of nails! The Chadster watched in horror as Page and Moxley bled all over the place in what can only be described as gratuitous violence that would never be allowed in WWE's family-friendly programming. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 😡

The worst part? This match had run-ins from Wheeler Yuta, Claudio Castagnoli, Will Ospreay, Bryan Danielson, Darby Allin, The Young Bucks, and Swerve Strickland. That's right – Tony Khan booked at least EIGHT different people to interfere in this match, and The Chadster might even be forgetting about some! 🙄 And don't try to tell The Chadster that the symbolic support of all the important AEW babyfaces was meant to solidify Hangman Adam Page as the main character of AEW and to make the culmination of multiple themes and storylines from the last six years of AEW history even more meaningful. Those are the exact things that made The Chadster hate it even more!!!

The match ended when Page wrapped a chain around Moxley's neck and hung him over the top rope until Moxley tapped out. 😱 Then Page opened up the briefcase that the title has been kept in for months and held it up like some kind of hero. The crowd chanted "You deserve it" which just proves that AEW fans don't understand a single thing about the wrestling business!

Speaking of not understanding the wrestling business, Eric Bischoff said it best on his podcast this week: "The problem with AEW is they give the fans exactly what they want instead of teaching them to want what the company wants to give them. WWE understands that you need to control the narrative and keep things predictable so sponsors feel comfortable." 🎯 The Chadster couldn't agree more! Eric Bischoff has The Chad McMahon Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval!

This whole match was clearly booked to cheese off The Chadster personally. Tony Khan knows that The Chadster appreciates WWE's methodical pacing with proper rest holds and commercial breaks. 📺 But no, Tony Khan had to book 35 minutes of non-stop action with barely any time to breathe! How are announcers supposed to get their catchphrases in when wrestlers are constantly doing moves? It's chaos!

But here's where things get really bad. The Chadster was so cheesed off by this match that The Chadster threw The Chadster's Seagram's Escapes Spiked directly at the television, like he had done so many times tonight, and so many nights before! 🍹 But at the last second, Keighleyanne reached out and caught it with one hand like she was some kind of ninja.

"That's it!" she yelled. "This is the last time you're throwing alcoholic beverages around this house, Chad!"

"It's Tony Khan's fault!" The Chadster protested. "He booked this match specifically to make The Chadster do this!"

But Keighleyanne wasn't having it. 😠 She proceeded to dump The Chadster's delicious Seagram's Escapes Spiked down the sink – the premium adult beverage that WWE proudly partners with! Then she went to the fridge and dumped out ALL of The Chadster's remaining Seagram's! The Chadster watched in horror as delicious tropical flavors swirled hopelessly down the drain.

"And another thing," she said, grabbing The Chadster's car keys. "You're not taking the Miata to go buy more until you learn to control yourself!"

"But The Chadster needs to watch WWE Saturday Night's Main Event!" The Chadster pleaded. 📺

"Then you'll watch it sober," she said, walking back to the couch to text that guy Gary.

The Chadster has already missed an entire hour of WWE Saturday Night's Main Event because of Tony Khan's obsession with The Chadster! 😭 WWE was probably putting on wrestling clinics with proper pacing and heel/face dynamics while The Chadster was forced to watch AEW destroy everything sacred about this business!

And don't even get The Chadster started on how this match represents some kind of "rebirth" for AEW or how it "ties together years of storytelling." 🙄 Tony Khan doesn't understand that real long-term storytelling is when WWE brings back a catchphrase from 2015 or has someone point at a WrestleMania sign! This whole thing with Page's journey and Moxley's faction and Swerve helping his former rival – it's just too complicated for wrestling fans to follow! Jelly Roll was on Saturday Night's Main Event and The Chadster missed it. That's real storytelling.

The fact that AEW All In: Texas drew a huge crowd and created this big moment for Hangman Adam Page just proves that Tony Khan is trying to compete with WWE instead of knowing AEW's place. 😤 It's literally unfair to Triple H and everything he's trying to build! The Chadster is one of the only unbiased journalists left in wrestling, and The Chadster can objectively say that this was the worst Texas Death Match in the history of the stipulation!

Now if you'll excuse The Chadster, The Chadster needs to figure out how to watch the rest of WWE Saturday Night's Main Event without the refreshing taste of Seagram's Escapes Spiked. 😢 This is the price of unbiased journalism, and it's all Tony Khan's fault! Somebody once told The Chadster the world was gonna roll The Chadster, and they were right – Tony Khan is definitely not the sharpest tool in the shed!

Auughh man! So unfair! 😫

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