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AEW Beach Break Recap – The Wedding of Kip Sabian and Penelope Ford

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, here to recap AEW Dynamite. It's a special episode tonight, Beach Break, featuring a killer main event that crosses over with Impact Wrestling and the wedding of Kip Sabian and Penelope Ford. And that's not all, comrades. There is one hell of a surprise at the end too! Viva la revolucion! Read on for El Presidente's AEW Dynamite recap!

AEW Dynamite Beach Break Recap – February 3rd, 2021

Tag Team Battle Royal

Jurassic Express, Inner Circle — Sammy/Hager have a video of the actual Sammy Hagar cheering them on, The Acclaimed, and finally, The Young Bucks get to do their entrances. Everyone else is already at ringside, comrades, as the Tag Team battle royal kicks off tonight's episode of AEW Dynamite.

It's bold to do an over-the-top-rope Battle Royale on the same week as WWE did the Royal Rumble, but here we are. Where WWE's Royal Rumbles are slow and deliberately-paced, AEW's tend to be fast and chaotic, especially when everyone starts in the ring simultaneously. The rules of this match are that participants are eliminated one-by-one, so if your partner is thrown out, you can continue to wrestle to win it for your team.

The Good Brothers show up at ringside and pull down the ropes so that Isiah Kassidy eliminates himself, taking Private Party out of the mix. This angers Nick Jackson, who is distracted enough for MJF to eliminate him, taking the Bucks out. That leaves the final six as Max Castor, MJF, Darius Martin, Sammy Guevara, Jungle Boy, and Chris Jericho.

Sticking it to Jericho, the crowd sings Jungle Boy's song. Jungle Boy is the clear favorite here. He's also the next to be eliminated by MJF. Max Castor holds MJF, and Sammy tries to kick him but kicks Castor instead. MJF thanks him and eliminates Castor, but Darius Martin eliminates MJF.

That leaves Martin, Guevara, and Jericho as the final three. Guevara and Martin are wrestling near the ropes, and Jericho tries to eliminate both but only gets Sammy, who is upset. Jericho knocks Martin out of the ring with the Judas Effect to win the match.

Winners: Jericho and MJF
El Presidente's Rating: ☭☭½

Sammy Guevara storms off after the match instead of celebrating with the Inner Circle.

Video promoting Jade Cargill and then commercials.

Interview: Darby Allin and Sting

Tony Schiavone interviews Darby Allin and his grandfather in the ring. You can see the family resemblance, comrades.  Tony starts to ask Darby Allin about defending the TNT Championship against Joey Janela next week on Dynamite, but Team Taz interrupts on the Tony Khantron from the parking lot. They're barred from entering the building this week, but they'll be watching Darby's match next week. Ricky Starks takes a particular interest in Darby's grandpa is the same man he was back in his heyday 50 years ago.

They let Darby's grandpa cut a promo. Isn't that nice? He says he is indeed still The Stinger and still The Icon. He tells Starks he needs to take a closer look if he doesn't see that. He offers to lend Starks his bifocals. Pretty good promo for an old guy. Haw haw haw haw!

Dr. Britt Baker vs. Thunder Rosa

AEW moved the women's match out of the second-to-last slot of the night where it's been every week since Dynamite started, and I don't know how to handle it, comrades! It's like my whole rhythm has been thrown off. That said, comrades, Baker and Rosa have a great match here. Baker goes toe-to-toe with Rosa, but since she can't put her away, Rebel removes a turnbuckle cover, and Baker uses it to knock Rosa out cold.

Winner: Britt Baker
El Presidente's Rating: ☭☭½

Hangman Page and Matt Hardy vs. Chaos Project

In a clip from after Dynamite last week, Tony Schiavone talks to Hangman Page and Matt Hardy about teaming up. It freaks Page out, who only agreed to dress in Hardy's locker room, not join a new group. But Hardy convinces Page that they could team up one night only next week to get revenge on Chaos Project for ruining -1's birthday, which would also repair Page's relationship with Dark Order. Page agrees.

Back to the present, that match is happening now, comrades. And I don't know, comrades, but if I was in Adam Page's shoes, I don't think I would have agreed to the match. Back in the nineties, Putin was always trying to get me to team up with him in a bridge game against Saddam Hussein and Muammar Gaddafi. "Come on, Your Excellency," he would tell me. "It's just a one-time thing." Of course, once I agreed to it, he talked me into playing every week, and the worst thing is it was on Thursday nights, which meant I couldn't watch WCW Thunder. Eventually, I had to tell him, "Vlad, I like you, but I have my own life, you know?" And then it was a whole thing, and it was very awkward for years.

What were we talking about? Oh yes. Sure enough, Hardy tags himself in to get the pin on Serpentico after Page had him beat.

Winners: Hardy and Page
El Presidente's Rating: ☭☭½

Page looks a little annoyed after the match but celebrates with Hardy anyway.

Tony Schiavone tells us all the women who will participate in the AEW Women's Championship Eliminator Tournament. I'll break that out to a separate article, comrades.

Chris Jericho and MJF want to party in the locker room with the Inner Circle. Sammy is feeling a little jealous, though. Jericho says that was just collateral damage earlier. Sammy says the rest of the Inner Circle are always collateral damage and storms off. Jericho goes after him, MJF has Wardlow eject the cameraman so he can have a chat with Santana, Ortiz, and Hager.

The Wedding of Kip Sabian and Penelope Ford

Tony Schiavone interviews Kip Sabian, Miro, and Charles the Butler backstage. Miro makes fun of Chuck a little, and then Vicki Guererro tells Sabian it's time to go. In the ring is The Reverend James Mitchell. Jerry Lynn walks Penelope Ford down the aisle. Her wedding dress is half gown, half wrestling singlet, which is incredible. Mitchell officiates the wedding. They share vows. Sabian's are all about how hot he thinks Ford is. Ford says Sabian has a big dick (seriously). Then they exchange rings (with horny commentary from Mitchell). Then it's time for objections… but Miro cuts Mitchell off. "I've been there a few times myself. We're not asking that question. We're moving on." Haw! Mitchell pronounces them man and wife and tells Sabian he can now kiss "the ball and chain." They kiss.

Mitchell gives the microphone to Miro for a toast. Miro orders Charles to hand out some champagne. Then he gives himself to Sabian as his wedding present. Then he calls attention to a large gift box, human-sized, in the ring. Charles says it belongs to him. Miro attacks it, assuming there's someone inside. But it's empty. Miro returns to his toast and asks, "What is love?" The crowd spontaneously starts singing "What is love?" and Miro joins in. Miro calls for cake, but Charles handcuffs Miro to the bottom rope, attacks Sabian, and sends Ford right into the cake. Sabian and Ford stomp on Miro, but Orange Cassidy pops out of the cake. They take down Sabian, and Cassidy hits Beach Break on him.

Miro is livid. This segment was very well played. The exact same thing happened to me at Kim Jong-il's wedding back in the 90s, comrades.

Last Thursday, Shaq cut a promo on Cody Rhodes on Inside the NBA, and the hosts of the show talk about Cody and the match. He demonstrates his wrestling move, "the Black Tornado," which is basically the Judas Effect. They will face each other on March 3rd on Dynamite, not at a PPV, which makes sense since TNT wants the ratings for this crossover.

Lance Archer vs. Eddie Kingston – Lumberjack Match

This match is as chaotic as you'd expect, comrades. Archer treats the entire crowd of lumberjacks as additional punching bags. In one memorable moment, Archer is about to hit his finisher on The Bunny, but Kingston punches him in the throat. Another highlight is Jake The Snake punching out Angelico. Another is Bear Country taking out Butcher and Blade. Archer wins this one with the Blackout.

Winner: Lance Archer
El Presidente's Rating: ☭☭½

FTR cut a promo complaining about Jungle Boy getting them suspended and preventing them from competing in the Battle Royale earlier tonight. They're so upset that they've kidnapped Marko Stunt and have him tied to a chair and gagged. Well, that took a turn, comrades.

Joey Janela cut a promo earlier tonight on Darby Allin about their backyard wrestling history. And now here they are fighting over the TNT Championship on Dynamite.

Kenny Omega and the Good Brothers vs. Jon Moxley and Death Triangle

Kenny Omega, The Good Brothers, and Don Callis have their own group theme song now. So do Death Triangle. But Moxley gets his own entrance. What can be said about this match? Well, probably more if El Presidente hadn't been swilling tequila all evening and was paying closer attention. I will just say that this is a hell of a main event match, comrades. Nonstop action. Flawless execution. Tons of passion. Rey Fenix. It's no surprise WWE sent Edge to NXT tonight. Haw haw haw!

Fenix takes the pin in this match after a Magic Killer.

Winners: Kenny Omega and the Good Brothers
El Presidente's Rating: ☭☭½

Kenny and the Good Brothers try to beat down Moxley and Death Triangle, but Lance Archer runs down to make the save and inflict violence on the Good Brothers. Moxley is about. But KENTA is here, and he takes out Moxley as commentary sells a match between them for the IWGP U.S. Championship in NJPW and teases a Bullet Club reunion (and as Don Callis takes credit for the whole thing). What an ending, comrades!

Well, comrades, Beach Break was another amazing success for AEW. Not quite as shocking an ending as Winter is Coming, but close. And some great wrestling and a wedding to boot! This one ticked all the boxes for me. Sadly, because I have vowed to distribute ratings equally to all wrestling shows, I must rate this episode two and a half stars. Until next time: socialism or death, comrades.

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